Critiques [CLOSED]

By xanabanana66x

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Critiques #1-100
#1 The Witches' Sacrifice
#2 Strange Love
#4 The Mind Reader
#5 D.I.C.K
#6 Being Vanessa Jane
#7 Blissfully Ever After
#8 G.AM.E
#9 An Enchantment of Time
#10 Always the Bad Girl
#11 Heart Sound
#12 Legend Of The Wildfires
#13 Goin' Through The Motions
#14 poetry, courtesy of the late nights
#15 The Colloquy
#16 XALVANDOR
#17 Athena Wolfborn
CHANGE IN SYSTEM
#18 The Faerie Forest
#19 Day Walker
#20 Love Is Blind
#21 Little Steps
#22 Little Steps
NOTICE
#23 Dirty Little Secrets
#24 Athena Wolfborn
#25 The Wild Moon
#26 The Queen Of Loregams
#27 The Hidden
#28 The Queen Of Loregams
#29 If The World Were Magic
#30
#31 The Cure Of Darkness
#32 Queen Of Atlantis
#33 The Faerie Forest
#34 The Dead Remain Silent
#35 A New Hello
#36 How Can We Live Like This?
#37 Steps To Loving A Killer
#38 Restless Thoughts
#39 Ignorance Is A Bliss
#40 Kidnapped Besties
#41 Willing Her To Love Me
#42 Sweet Vengeance
TAG FEST!
#43 Intrigued By Chocolate
#44 His Majesty's Ballerina
#45 Taken By A Bear
#46 Happy Everly After
#47 About That Sunday
#48 The Faerie Forest
#49 Belladonna
#50 Hunter's Shadow
#51 Alpha
#52 The Art Of Retribution
#53 Demonic
#54 While Her Lips Are Still Red
#55 The Tangled Princess
#56 Hunter's Shadow
#57 No Heartbeat, No Breathing
#58 The Tangled Princess
#59 Restless Thoughts
#60 Shadow And Lighting
#61 We Didn't Start The Fire
#62 Mafia Girls
#63 Hunter's Shadow
#64 The Tangled Princess
#65 Failures
#66 Hunter's Shadow
#67 Little Steps
#68 Beginning To End
#69 The Faerie Forest
#70 The Revenant
NOTICE
PLEASE READ
#71 Somewhere Inbetween
#72 The Battle Within An Angel
#73 Dawn Of A Tale
#74 Little Steps
#75 Hunter's Shadow
#76 The Forgotten Planet
#77 One Summer
#78 The Missing Princess
#79 Little Steps
#80 Little Steps
#81 Faceless
#82 Ten
#83 Hunter's Shadow
#84 Dangerous Billionaire
#85 The Tangled Princess
#86 Elemorts
#87 Solipsistic Heartbreaker
#88 Perfect 10
#89 Dangerous Billionaire
#90 Those Angry Blonde Curls
#91 Phobia
#92 The Crazy Side Of Love
#93 Forget Me
#94 Elemorts
#95 Henry's Paradise
#96 TCAO - The Bewitching Hour
#97 Instant Disconnection
#98 Pinewood Academy
#99 Weekend Getaway
#100 Perfect 10
Critiques #101-200
#101 15 Carats
#102 The Wolf And The Raven
#103 The Undesirables
#104 Hunter's Shadow
#105 The Shoes Left Behind
#106 Garden Of Flowers
#107 The Depths Of My Heart
#108 Tales Of Magic: A Sorceress' Return
#109 Dangerous Billionaire
#110 TheFallenAngels
#111 The Demon In Disguise
#112 Pandora High
#113 Elemorts
#114 Working Woman
#115 Judgement
#116 Enemies Forever
#117 SOCIETY
#118 Future Virgin
#119 Wielders: Protectors Of The Realms
#120 Kiss Or Kill
#121 His Girl
#122 Hunter's Shadow
#123 A Tale Of Blood & Bone
#124 Killer Queen: A Disasterpiece
#125 The Bad Boy's Reason
#126 The Novice Detectives Of Morgan Valley
#127 Alike
#128 The Witching Hour
#129 What We Left Behind
#130 Starseeds: The Broken-Winged
#131 Kidnapped By The King
#132 Undying
#133 That Of A Nostalgic Future
#134 Accidental Addiction
#135 Hunter's Shadow
#136 Sands And Sparrow
#137 Fight For Her
#138 Where We Find The World
#139 Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Announcement
#140 Blade Of Mercy
Announcement #2
#141 Don't Flirt With Me! I'm A Reformed Manwhore
#142 The Girl From Biringan - Arc 1: Intertwined Stars
#143 Infection
#144 Soulful Whispers
#145 A Hint Of Love
#146 The Moon Is Our Sun
#147 Juliet And Juliet
#148 Thief Of Stolen Hearts
#149 Aftertaste
#150 The Swirls | War of The Witches
#151 My Best Friend's Lover
#152 A Dangerous Woman
#153 When The Lights Go Out
#154 New And Badass
#155 Falling For The Gang Leader
#156 Seven Dates A Weekend
#157 The Penderghast Prophecy
#158 It Had To Be You
#159 It Had To Be You
#160 Trace
#161 Every Second Counts... The Surprise Is Yet To Come This New
#162 It Had To Be You
#163 Always Never
#164 Where Worlds Collide
#165 Not The Fairest
#166 The Book Of Trials
#167 New And Badass
#168 Winning Her Heart
#169 The Book Of Trials
#170 Poems About Life
#171 Kids Playing Soldiers
#172 Just Dreaming
#173 Greaser Queen
#174 Crystal Blue
#175 Chaotic Nights
#176 Life's Seasons: A Poetry Collection
#177 His Love
#178 A Tale Of Two Brothers
#179 Lover: A Book Of Heartbreaks
#180 411
#181 Bad Atttractions
#182 Agent 10
#183 Floating Stars
#184 Lover: A Book Of Heartbreaks
ANNOUNCEMENT
CLOSED

#3 Coffee For The Heart

135 10 2
By xanabanana66x

Coffee For The Heat by Lucky_virgo

I loved the idea for this book - a man who calls into a coffee shop to order a coffee that will mend his broken heart. The blurb worked well, particularly the second part, although I would cut it at 'Do you have coffee for a broken heart' as I think that's a good cliff-hanger to leave it at, and also you're spoiling quite a lot of the story already.

The beginning chapter is different to most others I've seen, making it particularly intriguing. I liked how you dove straight into it, no messing. Nicely done. 

However, I did notice a lot of tense jumps. By a lot, I mean one in almost every sentence. I understand how it happened, but it just makes the writing clunkier and harder to read. I would stick to the past tense for the entire thing to clear any mishaps.

Another big thing that struck me was that there was no italics used for thought. I saw there was a key used at the beginning of a chapter, but I think it would just be easier to use italics to indicate train of thought (avoid using bold and speech marks - it just becomes confusing) and use normal speech for when Leeana and Blake are talking.

There was also one 'its' and 'it's' mistake, but you shouldn't worry too much about that. Here's a site I found, however, that could clear any misconceptions.

https://writingexplained.org/its-vs-its-what-is-the-difference-between-its-and-its

There were also times when full stops were forgotten at the end of dialogue.

Overall, a really good story; I especially liked the pattern of the chapter names.

Remember that this is a critique, NOT  a criticism. Please spread the word!

If you would like a critique, please read the guidelines, fill out the form, and complete the payment, all which can be found at the beginning of this book.

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