The house was quiet, the attendees of Lady Rogers ball having only left just a couple of hours prior. Vivian had helped her mistress to bed before going downstairs to help with the cleanup. On nights like this, only a few hours sleep was had before everyone had to rise again to start the new day.
Making her way across the entrance hall, she noted the dim of the light coming from Steve's study, pondering whether to go in or to just head to bed. She decided the first and gently knocked, walking in to see the Captain at his desk, shirt open at the nape, sleeves rolled up. His head rose from where he was writing something and she could see the tiredness on his features.
"Bedtime, Captain". She smiled fondly. "You've had quite an evening".
It wasn't her place to order him about, however given how familiar they were, he would take it in jest.
Which he did...
"I would, but I have some work to finish".
Vivian walked over and reached for the quill in his hand, gently sliding it from his gasp and returning it to the inkwell. "You are tired, Captain. You have been dancing and entertaining all evening, and now you choose this time to work?"
"Wine helps me to think". He tried to justify the reason but knew that Vivian of all people wouldn't believe it. She knew him well enough by now.
"It never used to".
"I'm a changed man".
"Yes, I can see that".
"And not for the better". He sounded disappointed in himself. After some silence he uttered, "get yourself to bed, Vivi - you know how early my mother likes to get up".
Vivian still stood there. He had demons, thoughts plaguing him - which was why he always avoided sleep or at least heading to bed when his mother did. His valet had mentioned he worked into the early hours, but Vivian was usually in bed or tending to Sarah to have time to see whether this was true. "You rarely sleep..."
Steve sat back and sighed, taking a long sip from his glass of wine. "The price of war. It's too quiet here, bed's too soft..." He could go on. Even now he could hear the screams and yells, cannon fire. The conditions had been awful, but he - like everyone else- had simply become used to it. There had been no other choice. He may have returned home a wealthy Captain (well, more wealthy than he'd already been), but the nightmares had followed him also. Things he'd had to do in order to rise through the ranks to earn the status. "I never went to war to kill people, just know that". He suddenly found himself telling her. "I just...I don't like bullies..."
"I know..." Her smile was weak, "And no one judges you for leaving, least of all your mother".
"And what about you?"
"What about me?"
He eyed her over the rim of his glass, finishing the wine and then debating to get up and pour himself another. "Do you judge me?"
"You know that I would never".
How could she? He had been doing a duty to himself and the country.
Steve pondered on this for a moment and then nodded. "What are your thoughts on Lavinia Haddington?" He dared to ask the question. Knowing now was the time he would need to find a wife and settle, Lavinia had been someone who everyone thought would make the perfect wife. She had class, was talented when it came to painting, embroidering and playing the piano. The bonus was that she was beautiful, and it wouldn't be long until a man had asked for her hand.
He hoped that man would be him.
They'd spent most of the evening in one another's company (under the watchful eye of Lavinia's chaperone of course). She was a beautiful dancer, and had felt light as air when they had been on the floor together.
The perfect girl to make the perfect wife...
"Miss Haddington? I do not know her well enough to have an opinion". Vivian's voice brought him back to reality. "She is very pretty though, a lot of the men were hoping for a place on her dance card".
Only one had taken all of them though, that hadn't escaped Vivian's notice. She'd not stayed to watch, choosing to busy herself with getting Sarah's room prepared for when she finally retired for the evening.
"Hmmmm". Was all Steve replied in both thought and agreement.
"You should really get yourself to bed". Vivian told him, wanting to change the subject to anything other than Lavinia Haddington.
Steve nodded. "Yeah, perhaps you're right - Thanks Vivi". Now smiling gratefully at her. "You always know how to make things better".
Because I know you. Was what she wanted to say, but instead just bobbed a curtsey and left him. Whether he would listen and go to bed was another thing - but Vivian didn't stay to find out. Instead she made her way to the servants quarters at the top of the home, readying herself for bed before slipping under the covers. The feeling in her gut wouldn't allow her sleep though - the sickening swirl would only continue to grow until it broke her.