I feel like I'm twenty two and falling in love again. Bella and I touched down in Boston a couple of days ago and are spending the next week with Chris. Since our evening of what was meant to be just dinner turned into an unexpected night together, he's been asking for me to come to Boston again. He knows where I'm from we don't celebrate thanksgiving, but he's told me he doesn't like the thought of us being by ourselves for the holiday while he's with family.
Lisa has avoided coming over as she apparently wants us to spend some more time together before the whole family come rolling in again, but part of me wonders whether she's keeping away because she wants to see me as little as possible. I don't blame her for it if it is the real reason, although Chris assures me that it's not.
Dodger is enjoying the new best friend that he has in Bella. She literally follows him everywhere, tries to ride him like a horse (something I stopped immediately although Chris found it hilarious) and generally just spends most of her day playing with him.
"Lolly, c'mere..." Chris now pokes his head around the bedroom door and beckons me to follow him. He points into the living room where Dodger is curled up in his bed asleep, and with him also dreaming away is Bella. Chris now shows me some pictures he's taken on his phone and sends them over on WhatsApp to me.
"You sure Dodger's ok with sharing?" I ask.
"Dodge is fine, he's just happy to have someone giving him attention and playing with him all the time".
"Yeah, I can think of someone else who's like that too". I shoot back immediately and he feigns his shock.
"Seeing as the kids are asleep, I think I deserve the attention".
His arms now slide around my waist and I raise a brow at him. "It's midday, you had your fun this morning".
"Technically it didn't finish considering Bella decided to cockblock".
I nod. "Yeah...she's pretty good at tha-" I heard the buzzer for the gate go and Chris heads to the front door, I hear him talk and then let someone in. "Mom's here..." He now tells me and then obviously sees me visibly freeze. "Hey, it's ok - she's fine about this".
"Is she really?"
"Lola, I promise that she is ok about us seeing one another again. Serious or not". Pressing a kiss to my head, he goes to let her in while I hope that she just chooses to accept Bella. If she accepts my daughter it's fine, she doesn't have to accept me.
Lisa now comes into the room and sees me standing there, now grinning and coming over with her arms open wide. "Look at yooooou! You still look the same, bit older but the same!" She almost squeezes the life out of me, but I immediately relax, all my fears about her storming and drop kicking me all the way back to London now vanishing.
Best not tell her exactly what I did to her son at two in the morning, she may think differently of me - although she's probably heard many horror stories over the years. The pair are close, and it's nice that he can open up to her.
I just wonder how much he's told her about me.
"You haven't changed either". I smirk.
"Grandkids are keeping me young". She now looks around and then notes Bella sleeping with Dodger, walking over and admiring her. "Now she is adorable".
I shake my head "She's not when she's on a 4am wake up call".
"She'll figure it out, just like everyone does".
I'm pretty sure I see her flash a look towards Chris and me, but I chose to overlook it. "You want coffee ma?" Chris now asks.
"I could certainly go for that". She agrees and we head into the kitchen leaving Bella to sleep a little more. "So...have you two decided what this is?" she points back and forth to both of us.
I purse my lips and decide to let her son do the talking for us. "This..." Chris now slips an arm around my waist. "...is something we're still trying to figure out. We're spending time together, seeing if the balance is right".
"The balance is right and you know it". Lisa simply says what she feels. "You're both older now, you're doing things differently".
Well we certainly wasn't last night...
"You're in different places than you were ten years ago. Things aren't as mad, you should be taking advantage of it if it's what you both want".
"And you have no problem if Chris was to date me again? I mean, I have Bella, there's a possibility that the band could be reuniting for a ten year anniversary tour..."
Lisa shrugs. "If I had a problem then you would have heard it by now. Whether you have Bella or not doesn't matter to me or any of us, why should it? We all wanted you both here for the holiday. What else would you have done?"
I think about it. Last year Bella had chicken pox so I got take out while trying to soothe an irritable one year old. "Probably sat indoors all day, watched the parade and ended up getting take out that's not even close to being anything you guys have for thanksgiving dinner".
I don't tell her I've practically been doing that every year since I made the move over here.
"Exactly, is your favourite meal still Mac and Cheese?"
How the fuck does this woman remember everything about me?
I nod, a little stunned. "Erm...yeah it is..."
"I'll be making some then". She winks.
"You really don't have to..."
Lisa just waves it off, "Yeah I do, now where is this coffee?" she eyes Chris who looks like he's just been staring at the machine but without actually making any.
He laughs nervously. "Sorry...got sidetracked when you two started going a little deeper into the conversation".
We hear Bella start to cry from the other room and before I can even move, Chris is out and going to her. Lisa and I look at one another, and seem to have the same idea of peeking around the door frame to look at what he's doing. He's got Bella, talking to her quietly as he hugs her and rubs her back. She's in wake up mode and is always emotional.
"You have a good nap with Dodge?" He asks as she lifts her head up and rubs her eyes before just flopping back down against his shoulder. "Gonna take that as a yes then, you wanna come see your mom?"
We both quickly move back to where we were as he now brings Bella in and passes her over to me. Her bunches her lopsided from where she's been sleeping, and her eyes still red and tired from trying to wake herself up. "Kiss!" She sobs and I pass her back to him.
Lisa looks a little confused until Chris explains. "She can't say my name properly, at the moment I'm 'kiss'" He keeps her secure against him as she just rests against his shoulder. "She's a good girl, aren't you Bels? Unlike your mom..." He mutters the last part as my mouth falls open.
"As if you just said that in front of your mum".
"I'm used to it" Lisa rolls her eyes. "I'm glad Scott's not getting in until tomorrow, otherwise it's gonna be carnage - both of them, grown men still acting like they're kids".
Chris grins. "We're the family entertainment, it'd be boring without us", he turns to me. "Really it would".
"Oh I believe you". I grin and make Bella a drink in her sippy cup. She drinks it while Chris still holds her. I end up finishing making the coffee for us all, and we sit at the table
"You said about the band doing an anniversary tour?" Lisa now asks as she sips her drink.
Chris passes Bella a biscuit she can't quite reach from the plate. "You replied to the email finally?"
I look at him. "Kinda boils down to whether history is well and truly going to repeat itself".
"Or, you could make it what it was meant to be". He adds helpfully. I sigh at this until I look up and see him still watching me. "Lola, tell them yes. You've been putting it off long enough, and Scott was pissed that last time he couldn't come, so he said to make sure that this time around you get him tickets".
I burst out laughing at this and then nod. "Just scared it's all gonna blow up in my face again".
"You said to me the other day your old manager is gone, they were the problem. Plus you're still only 33, you can still get up there and do it.".
"You just want to see me in some revealing outfits - sorry Lisa". I quickly apologise.
She snorts. "That's exactly the reason why - besides, I think the whole family would enjoy a trip over to London to see you". Now eyeing me knowingly.
"I'll think about it. Right now, I just want to enjoy time with just us". I tell them, but know I'll need to make the decision soon.
Keep on hiding forever, and with him? Or be back in the public eye for one final time and take the bow I never really got to have when it came to leaving the band.