How I Wish It Was

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Not really a poem as much as a little story.

I wish everything was ok and I didn't have to deal with anything. Sometimes I just feel like the world is an ocean that I'm drowning in and I can't swim back to the surface to catch one last breath like I usually do. Sometimes the sun isn't enough to convince me to want to have a chance to touch it once more. Sometimes the smiles everyone offers aren't enough. Sometimes I think about what how I'd do it if let go. I like to imagine it'd be like sinking slowly in the warm ocean water. As if you're simply falling, but not in a fast uncontrolled free fall. It'd be like a calm, relaxing falling as if I'm floating on a blanket of feathers slowly carrying me to peace.

And then when my back gently fell onto the sandy sea floor my eyes would close and I'd exhale once more before it's all done.

But i won't

Cuz I know it wouldn't be like that. It's never like that.

The reality is that, as I fell, I fall from the sky, and I'd slam into cliffs and trees and as tears fell from my eyes I'd watch my family and everyone I love wondering why I did it. Why I left. And I'll regret everything. The screaming, the fights, the Anger, pure raw anger. The Hatred. It'd all come back and be another obstacle I'd hit on the way down. And when my back smashed onto the surface of the water it'd be ice cold and it would be horrible. I'd try to scream as the air left my lungs but it'd be no use. I'd sink. And as I did, there would be ghosts all around. Demons come to haunt me. So I won't do it. I'll live it out. Not for the sun, or the smiles, or for myself. I'll do it for the world. One less life is one more death. The worlds had enough death. It needs some hope now. But I'm afraid I'm fresh out.

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This isn't really a poem but I've been losing inspiration recently. I'm not really feeling up to doing anything right now. well... I don't have anything else to say. bye.

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