Deep On The Surface

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I worry

I worry that maybe this 'goodbye'

Will be the last

I shouldn't have to worry

But I do

I cry

I cry when I think that maybe this 'I love you'

Will be the last

I shouldn't cry

But I do

I don't sleep

I don't sleep when I realize that I might not see you tomorrow

I should sleep

But I don't

I swear

I swear when I hear you say you give up

I shouldn't swear

But I do

And it's become a whirlwind with us

Of 'will she show up tomorrow morning?'

Or 'Has she gone and killed herself?'

And maybe even 'Is she committing right at this very moment?'

We shouldn't do that

But we do

And that's the way it is

But that doesn't make it ok

I want to be able to feel secure

To be sure that I'll be able to laugh with you tomorrow

Or talk to you again

Or give you more hugs

Or make ridiculous theories up with you again

I want to know that

I should know that

But I don't

And I hide this all

Deep on the surface

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