It's Happening Again***

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It's happening again

I'm sure you all know what it is

When you lay your head down to sleep

And all of the things you didn't want to feel

Rise up and punch you in the gut

That heart wrenching feeling of failure

And not being enough

And how you're selfish

And that it'll never end

It's happening again

And I try to block it out

I write it down to let it go

But the truth is

It's never gone

It follows me

Everywhere I go

No matter how fine I say I am

I'm not fine at all

I'd have thought they would've gotten it by now

After the attempt that is

But I suppose fine still means fine

My fake smiles aren't even worth it anymore

And it's happening again

Because I'm not strong enough to stop it

To shove it back down

And keep the dam holding a little longer

I'm not stable enough

I'm a pawn in this nasty cruel world

I sway in the wind at every word

Every thought

Every ounce of regret

It's happening again

And I won't stop it

I honestly can't

Not even if I wanted to

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