Life Never goes as Planned

Trying To Survive

It's been nearly a week since I lost Aaron and the day after I lost him Lacy and I laid him down to rest. I still can't get it out of my mind that I lost the baby. I mean he could have had a good life with us and now I will never know, and that's what has been haunting me. I blame myself for his death and now with Killian gone I don't know what to think, maybe his disappearance is somehow my fault as well.

And speaking of Killian, I didn't tell his parents about the baby because as it is they were devastated when they found out about his plane going down that I didn't want to stress them even more. But what I did tell them was that I almost had a miscarriage from the pain so I'm on mandatory bed rest. It's been hell but it's manageable.

I've been so depressed but I'm trying to not let it get the best of me. I have many reasons to get my act together, one, my twins. Two, my little one and three, myself. I need to get my act together and be strong for them. I get on the laptop to distract myself by surfing the internet. I never have time so it was good to do that. As I'm surfing I come across a recent article about the plane crash.

I started to read it and my heart dropped. They had found the plane and many bodies inside. I tried to relax because if I have another crisis I will lose this baby. I continued to read and I tried to relax. Killian can't be in there, he had to be one of the few to have made it out, he can't be one of the bodies that they found inside the plane.

Anyways if they would have found his body, they would have told me. That's when I started to cry because I was missing Killian like crazy and I can't picture him dead. That's when the twins come jumping on to my bed.

"Why are you crying mommy?" Leía asks. "Yeah mommy, are you sad?" Liam asks. I half smile. "I just read something sad." They nod. "Liam, Leía I have something to tell you two." They sat there a bit confused. "Daddy is going to be away for some time." They both groan. "Again?" Liam says. I nod.

"When will he be back?" Leía asks. I look down. "I don't know sweetie." She sighs. "But on the other hand I have some exciting news." They both smiled. "You two will become a big sister and a big brother." They gasped. "Yes you two will either have a little baby sister or brother."

They smile. That's when they both jumped on top of me and hugged me, boy did that warm my heart. "Now you two have to be careful because you can hurt the baby." They nod. I'm pretty sure they are still confused but understood what I was saying about hurting the baby.

"Mommy can't really go out but we can play in here, I won't be going to work so I'll be here all day with you two." I said and they both screamed and jumped for joy. I smiled. I leaned back and that's when they each laid on either side of me. I went and hugged them and they just smiled. I honestly loved this little moment.

"Knock knock," I hear someone say. I look up and I see Lacy. "How you kiddos doing?" She asks as the kids go running off the bed to go hug her. "Good," they say. She hugs them back and I smile. "Ok, I brought lunch for all three of you so how about we set a table here for all of us to eat?" She says and the kids smile.

"Leía, Liam go bring your little table and chairs." Lacy says and they nod. "Lacy you shouldn't have, I could have made them lunch." She smiles. "I know but remember the doctor said you shouldn't stress out so much." I smile. "I'll be back." I nod and smile.

That's when I see Liam and Leía bringing in their little chairs and the table. I smiled. That's when Lacy comes in and serves them on their table. "Thanks Aunite Lacy," they say as they see their favorite food placed in front of them. I smile. "Thanks Lacy." I say and she smiles. "And I know you've been craving a lot of sweets, but you have to eat real food first so I got you some lasagna and a side salad then a bunch of chocolate covered apples, bananas and other goodies."

I smiled. "Oh you are the best," I say and smile. "And I got myself sushi." She says and I laugh. "You suck," I say and she laughs. We sat on the bed and just ate. We were having a good time. "Mommy, we're done," they kids say and I dismiss them. Lacy starts to pick up all of the trash. I smiled as I leaned back.

"Emma what's wrong, I know something's bothering you?" I sigh. I turn on my laptop and show her the article. She gasps when she finished reading it. "Emma..." I sigh. "Lacy.." "Emma did they call you that they found his body?" I shake my head. "No." She smiled.

"Then, there's hope." I start to cry. "No no no crying Emma, remember you need to stay calm." She says and hugs me. I hug her back. "I'm trying Lacy it's just hard." She nods. "What if he's gone forever, what if I am to raise the twins and this baby alone?" "No Emma.." "Im serious," I say and sat up.

"What if this is my punishment, I mean I do deserve this. I was pissed with Killian...." "No, Emma you had all the right to be pissed, he slept with Ruby, the way you reacted was normal." I nod. "I know I just..." "Emma, don't worry Killian will be back and he will be back in time to see his third child be born." I smile then sigh.

"And that's another thing I kept from him, my pregnancy." Lacy sighs. "Emma tell you what you need to stop with all this." I gave her a weird look. "Stop blaming yourself, stop everything that you're saying ok, I want you to be ok and by you saying all these things it won't help you." I look down.

"I know." She smiles. "I want you to be ok and also for my future niece or nephew to be ok." I smile. "Ok, from now on I will think of positive things." She smiles and hugs me. "Thank you Lacy." She nods. "I'm only thinking of what's best for you." I nod.

"Hey I'm going to take the twins out to the playground, if that's ok?" I nod. "Liam, Leía?" I call out. "Yes mommy?" They say running into the room. "You guys wanna go to the play ground?" Lacy asks them and they nod. "Alright, go put your shoes on." I say and they ran off. I smile.

"Thanks Lacy." She nods. "Now rest, think of positive things, think of your baby." I nod. "I love you." I smile. "Love you too." She smiles. The kids come back and I give them a kiss goodbye. Off they went with Lacy and the house became quiet.

I turned to my side and I see a picture of Killian and I on the night stand. I grabbed it and smiled. I gently touched it and a tear rolled down my cheek. We were so happy here, and look at us now. I hugged it and laid back. Wherever Killian was at I hope he's ok, I'm just hoping that he's not in Heaven with our son.