❦𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐫𝐯𝐚 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐫❦【 DreamSMP // Technoblade 】

❦One Hundred Three❦

I felt him kiss me again, thumbs rubbing circles into the fabric of my shirt. His hands still resting on the sides of my waist. His lips were soft against mine, it was all delicate. "I don't regret lovin' you, or you lovin' me, I promise. And- and I'm happy if you can find happiness in all of this." He had pulled away from me to speak, but I could feel his words and the breaths he took brush against my face. He was still close. So close. "I just feel guilty sometimes."

"Guilty?" I questioned, reaching further behind him and slowly undoing his messier braid. I needed to redo it.

"Like I'm takin' you away from someone who can be better for you. You're mine but sometimes I feel like you deserve better." He confessed it so quietly I almost didn't pick up on it properly. I just now held the red ribbon in my palm that formerly sat on the end of his now undone braid. "Like Eret." He choked out his name like it was a sin. "Or- or someone like him. Niki even, you two are so close-"

I kissed him again, cutting him off and making him close his eyes. I could feel his hands shaking. "No." I spoke against his lips, holding him even tighter. Then pulled away to properly speak, feeling him rest his forehead against mine while he caught his breath. "Just you. It's always been you. I don't regret you. I should have known better than to love you at my younger age, but I know better now and I'm still here because over time I've gotten to know you."

"You barely know who I am. What I am. What's even going on." He moved his hands so they were on my back now instead of my waist. Tugging me close and holding me tight.

"I love what I do know." I assured him, and I think I almost heard him begin to cry. His voice breaking before he could properly speak in response.

"I'm so sorry." He mumbled like a mantra, and I knew I would hear it at least a hundred times in this hour. Just like I said.

He slowly moved me over to the bed, just laying down and holding me close. I did the same with him. He was curled around me, as if shielding me from the world. The upsettingly funny thing is the only person he had to shield me from is himself. If I can even call him a person. We both silently knew that but I chose not to comment on it.

"Tech?" I said his name without much conviction, and I heard him hum in response. Telling me to continue. "Want to just sleep for a bit?"

I felt him nod, and hug me tighter before letting go with one of his arms. Taking just a moment to tug the blankets over us. "Just promise me this." He mumbled, voice a bit muffled since he had pressed his face into the back of my neck. Having moved us so his chest was against my back.

"Mm?" I questioned.

"Please, don't feel tied down to me. Don't feel like you have to wait for me. I wouldn't forgive myself if you missed the opportunity for happiness because you felt some kind of responsibility to love me." His voice kept dying out as he spoke, the usual husky tone sounding almost watery.

"Tech, I tried to love someone else. You saw it happen and you choked it down and bared it. I came back to you anyways." I placed my hand on his, it was resting on my stomach.

"But I didn't." He squeezed me even tighter, and I could feel tears press against the back of my neck. "I took advantage of you Ti- Torva, you were scared of me. I broke up you and Eret. I ruined it. You loved someone else and I ruined it."

I was silent, "You sped up the process, yes. But I think it would have ended inevitably. He just didn't trust me in general."

I felt him nod against me. "Alright."

"I wish you would just tell me what you're hiding."

"I wish I would too."

❧