❦𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐫𝐯𝐚 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐫❦【 DreamSMP // Technoblade 】

❦Forty One❦

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"I know now, forgiveness is the greatest gift to ever receive.

I'm still waiting for that gift."
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❧Technoblade❧

"Stupid."

"E."

"Blood for the blood god!"

"I miss her."

"Idiot."

"Go kill Schlatt."

"Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid."

"Probably with Eret. He wouldn't betray her anyway."

"I'm sorry."

"Miss her."

"/rainbowchat."

I yelled slamming my fist into a tree. The wood splintered creating a horrid splitting noise. I looked down seeing blood now leaking from my right hand. That was stupid of me. If anything the voices just got louder from the sight of the vermilion liquid. I am the Blood God after all.

"Shut up chat!" I screamed gripping my hair. I couldn't stand it anymore. Normally the voices would be far more quiet than now. Sure they got riled up during fights but nothing was even happening anymore.

They haven't allowed me to even sleep since Torva left. I still had that cloak hanging up in my base. What's worse is that normally the voices, which I deemed chat, would be supportive of me at least. Calling me a god, demanding blood which of course I never minded supplying.

But now it was a constant stream of degrading and insults. And it seems it just got louder every day now. I would be lying if I said I wasn't counting the days. It's almost been a week and the signs of war are just increasing. More people appearing saying they support us, gods we practically have the entire server on our side.

But not Torva.

Maybe we don't deserve her anyway.

I can scream and train to let my anger out all I want. But I can't even disagree with the voices anymore, because they are all right. All damn right.

"I know I fucked up okay?!" I screamed again, my vocal cords hurting from the constant yelling over the days. I didn't yell often but when I did I surely paid for it later. My throat wasn't able to handle the volume but here I was anyway.

Every damn day I expected to find her at Pogtopia or something. A stupid sliver of hope trying anything to keep my dignity. Every day closer and closer to just giving in.

I didn't apologize, fuck I've never apologized except maybe to Phil. But here I am absolutely miserable and running on practically no sleep. My hair fell over my shoulders as I dropped to the ground. The braid fell out so I just dealt with having it down. I was horrid at braiding it myself, I never bothered to learn and when Torva did try to teach me I couldn't do it. I relied on her for simple tasks like that.

I came to the empty woods to train not to have a full scale breakdown over not having my Reaper.

I guess I shouldn't use the term 'my' anymore. She left, and it was valid. I fucked up that bad.

It was so stupid, no I was so stupid. I completely let the voices take over and I just let her cry.

I made her cry.

I slammed my fist into the ground. I was just on my knees staring into the grass.

I took some deep breathes only to scoff and yell one last time before the volume made my voice fizzle out. All the birds in the area were probably gone now, having been scared away.