❦𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐫𝐯𝐚 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐫❦【 DreamSMP // Technoblade 】

❦Twenty One❦

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"It goes unspoken and unacknowledged. Yet it lives in silence among us all, always remaining within our memories.
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We didn't really speak of it. The kiss that is. The label of friend just remained untouched by and unchanged, and neither of us really minded it. Well at least I didn't mind it, he might. I always avoided the possibility of the topic appearing. He must have caught on because he stopped initiating the conversation.

I mean, it's not like I didn't enjoy it. I definitely missed moments like that. The only way I can describe those things is like warmth. Just a light fire. It's nice and enveloping in its warmth and care.

Honestly I almost wished that night was a blur sometimes. And yet I'm always able to remember it in great detail. Even in my sleep deprived state of that night, everything that occurred is perfectly clear. Nothing negative happened, I mean we stopped after a bit.

Okay I'd be lying if I said 'a bit' it was longer than a bit, but I wasn't going to tackle those emotions right now. I don't understand them and I don't know if I want to. I've felt them with other people before sure, but, it was difficult to explain. After being born, void, of these feelings, these emotions, feeling them is entirely new. What the average person feels I feel rarely, and only with specific people. So when I do feel these things, it's like ten fold. During that- that moment between us where he might have felt mild emotions, I felt like my mind was going a million miles an hour.

It hurt.

I remember after we just laid on top of the tower looking up at the sky. The colors still wafting around from the sunrise. I remember how one of us would go to look at the other, only to find the other staring back. Laughs would break out from the situation, and eventually we both just turned in for the night. Well morning I suppose, we both ended up sleeping in for awhile. In my opinion it was well deserved.

The castle was nice, living in luxury was once again something I missed. I had built a small life here similar to my old one. Time passed quickly it seems. Living with a friend will do that, everyday is eventful. I began drafting letters to Tech, along with upping my training.

The trash can in my room slowly filled with balled up papers, not fit for my expectations. I was never much of a writer, never much of a word person. I disliked talking out issues and all.

So once again and yet another day I was holed up in my room writing. And horribly failing at that. It had been over five months since I left Technoblade and Phil now. They never stayed in the same place long, I honestly couldn't be sure where they are anymore. If they were even still partnered up. So writing these letters is probably futile.

Knock knock knock

"Open." I muttered leaning back in my chair, my wrist was beginning to hurt at this point. Eret came in the room and closed the door behind him.

"Writing again?" He asked clearly annoyed. I nodded and sighed, crumbling yet another ball of paper.

"Why are you writing? You said yourself you can't be certain he's even out in the Arctic anymore." Eret crossed his arms and leaned against my now closed door. He was quite obviously fed up with all of my writing.

"Wait- are you going to try to find him again? I'd know you'll leave eventually but-"

"Shut it Eret, you know I'm not leaving. I'll leave eventually yeah but, not now. Not anytime soon. I'm not done with L'manburg or this SMP yet, I'm not done with you yet." I placed down my quill and ink standing up. I pushed my chair into the desk and ran my hand through my hair.