❦𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐫𝐯𝐚 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐫❦【 DreamSMP // Technoblade 】

❦Twelve❦

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"Guilt will destroy somebody from the inside out until nothing is left but regret."
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It was destroying me.

Guilt was not at all something I was used to. I hadn't had to deal with the feeling for so long.

But as the days ticked by of being with Eret, and seeing him so damn happy with L'manburg citizens, it began to eat me from the inside out.

I didn't feel guilt about the fact that I was destroying the nation, or that I'd be hurting many people. I felt guilt because of Eret and Eret only. I couldn't care less about Wilbur or Tubbo. Or any of the other government workers.

Eret had managed to become my third friend. A person whom I live with and has shown me undeniable kindness. Usually I am able to feel no remorse when using somebody as a stepping stone for my own personal gain. Yet there come the few who I instead wish to bring with me on my journey.

And he was one of the few.

And I knew in the end I'd bring him down.

Empathy isn't something I am commonly blessed with. Maybe that's a negative or a positive. I wouldn't really know. A positive in the sense that it helps me feel no sadness after completing a job with Tech. A negative in the sense that when I do feel it, it makes me want to curl up and die because I'm not used to such a strong emotion.

A few days flew by after that note on the kitchen counter had been left. I kept it hidden in my room. I never responded to it since I had no want to talk to Dream just yet. No reasoning.

Eret had asked to take me on a picnic which I immediately agreed to. It sounded like a lovely way to spend one of the last days of warmth before we were plunged into October.

He had invited me since I had haphazardly mentioned I had not been on a picnic in years. Due to the constant snow in the Arctic and all.

But once again the black tendrils of guilt began to rise in me as we walked on the prime path. They wrapped around my lungs and hugged tightly. Catching the air in my throat. Making me want to cancel the picnic. I didn't deserve such a lovely day with my friend whom I am soon to break.

I didn't deserve a friend who was carrying a picnic basket of foods for us to enjoy. Who had talked to Wilbur to get us a day off for 'friend time'.

The title friend in his mouth made me want to vomit. I didn't deserve the title.

Guilt was disgusting, and I wanted to stomp on it like a fucking bug until it begged for mercy. I wouldn't stop even if it begged, I would just squash it until it was a spot on the ground. It didn't deserve to even be touched by my boot or scythe. I wanted it to writhe in pain, have it feel as much as it has made me feel in all of my years.

I was snapped out of my morbid thoughts by Eret politely tapping on my shoulder. I realized my fists were clenched so hard my knuckles were white.

"You okay there Tor? You seemed to be wrapped up in some thoughts." My friend stared down at me with a kind smile on his face. He took off his glasses and slipped them into the picnic basket. We were now in the forest alone, so since it was just us he didn't feel a need to cover his eyes.

I didn't deserve that trust.

I apparently blanked for so long we were already at the picnic spot.

"Yeah sorry." I muttered looking away from him at the ground. I saw the blades of grass twirl and lean in response to the harsh winds. October was coming fast.