❦𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐫𝐯𝐚 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐫❦【 DreamSMP // Technoblade 】

❦Forty One❦

She was probably with Eret. And damn that made the wound sting that much more. Of course I have no right to be jealous or angry. We aren't together romantically. But I can't help but feel pissed at myself that I made her run to another guy. Someone she met after I sent her away in the first place.

Of course she needed that journey, she needed that realization. But I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want to break her and I didn't want to make her hate me.

Gods she probably hates me.

I don't think I could live with that. I, a god, had allowed someone to have this much power over me. And honestly, I would be lying if I said I was upset over that. Her and Phil have so much over me and I just let them.

And now I lost her.

I was so close to snapping.

"Apologize."

"Sorry."

"Miss her."

"Hurts."

"Blood for the blood god."

"IDIOT."

"DUMBASS."

"E."

"SAY SORRY."

"SAY SORRY."

I winced at the volume of the screams. I have no choice. I really don't.

I was about to throw in the towel and really go to Eret's castle. Oh my gods I can't believe this.

I guess I wouldn't train today.

I was fully dressed to do so, thinking idiotically that maybe it would calm down the voices.

I sighed and stood up, I've gone longer without sleep than this. And I don't think I can function if the voices get any louder.

I walked back to Pogtopia, I would get dressed and throw away my dignity. Bruh, if Eret saw me pour my heart out and apologize to Torva this would be so much worse. I can't stand apologizing to one person as it is.

Did she tell Eret what I did? Did she have to go vent to him? Was I a topic she had to vent about?

I can't stand the thought that I made her cry let alone need to vent to someone. Gods what if she had a panic attack? She had one recently and I was barely able to handle that without breaking down too.

When I entered Pogtopia I heard Tommy yell.

He scrambled up the stairs. "Big M that you?!" Tommy screeched and his face dropped when he saw that it was just me.

"Oh. I wonder when she's coming back." Tommy grumbled with a sad smile. Neither of the men know exactly what happened between me and Torva. And Tommy's excited expression when he heard somebody enter the ravine made me wince every time.

All anybody knows is that we got into a heated argument. And believe me my twin has interviewed me about the situation one too many times. Tommy won't stop pestering me either. Even Niki won't let up saying how if she finds out I hurt the girl she won't forgive me.

"Bruh I'm sure Torva Messor is fine." I put on my usual sarcastic tone. I was a god, someone to be feared, I refuse to seem all sad and guilty.

"She better be! Big M is all tough and strong, I don't know what you did but I'm sure you were a real jerk Blade!" Tommy was in general mad at me lately. Wilbur used her leaving as a card to use against Tommy.

Even if everybody was on our side now he kept telling the blond nobody cared about them anymore. How even the Grim Reaper left them.

I wonder if she still used the name I helped her choose. Torva Messor, I can remember the day we sat down thinking of a new name. Did she hate me so much that she went back to using Tia?