Trevor and I got home after the hospital and the doctors told us that we could have lost him because of the stress I went through from the shooting. It was such bullshit it was unbelievable. It wasn't fair and I felt like nothing we did could ever have a good outcome.
Mackenzie was excited to see us and we were excited to see her, but we were genuinely upset and just felt numb. He helped me walk into the bedroom and I sat down on the edge of the bed. I still had my baby bump and I wasn't expecting it to just go away, but it was making me feel worse.
"It's neither of our faults." He said softly and he stood in front of me as he took his shoes off.
"I know." I said.
"Bailey?" Mackenzie asked from the doorway and we looked over at her and he motioned her to come in the room.
"Come here sweetheart. We're sorry so much has been going on. We missed you." He said and picked her up. He sat down next to me on the bed with her in his lap and he kissed her cheek before she reached for me. I took her and she immediately wrapped her arms around me and held me. It's what I needed honestly. It felt so good to hold her. Trevor looked over at me and he had tears in his eyes again, but so did I. He wrapped his arms around the both of us and we were like a little family. It was almost if she knew that it was exactly what I needed.
* * *
"So where do we go from here? What do we do as a couple and where do we go?" He asked as we laid in bed together and were talking about everything that had been happening along with losing the baby.
"We have to keep going. Just keep on doing what we did before. Things have to eventually be good and turn out. It can't always be like this." He said and I nodded and rested my head on his chest.
"I feel like we're each other's bad luck charms." I said and he kissed my forehead.
"No matter how much shit happens when I'm with you, it won't make me even consider leaving you. I love you so damn much and you're my entire world. I know we were so happy about having our boy, but we can try again and take it from there. We'll be okay." He said and I nodded and kissed his chest.
"The only good part of this entire week was literally just being able to more a little bit more to cuddle with you." I said and he nodded.
"Tell me about it. I missed kissing you like crazy and holding you any way I wanted. It was hard to do that when you were hurt." He said and I sighed.
"Trev I don't know what to do. I know it just happened and we are scared and upset and we're trying to be okay-I can't just forget about the fact that I went to sleep being pregnant and woke up in the hospital because we lost our baby." I said and he rubbed my side.
"I know. We never could just forget about that. No one could. We lost our baby that we were so excited to bring into this world. I was so excited to pick names with you, go shopping for his nursery, hold him in my arms and see him in yours-Bailey-" he paused and he started to choke up.
"I never told my dad that you were pregnant and I don't want to just not tell him about this and cover up the whole pregnancy. I feel like I should tell him but I don't know how to now. I'm scared I'm going to break down." He said and I nodded.
"It's okay if you do. I'll go with you and we can both tell him. We can break down together. You don't have to hold your emotions back all the time." I said and he shrugged.
"It just really fucking sucks." He said.
"It feels like we've done something wrong and we keep getting punished for it, but we haven't done anything wrong and I don't get it. We're just a couple trying to love and start a family but nothing is working out. I'm scared Mackenzie isn't happy here." I said.
"She is. I know she is. We just have to give her time to adjust here. She hasn't even adjusted yet it's just the fact that everything that happened since she got here has been shitty." He said.
"When my leg heals, we should take her everywhere. The park, a dog park with cooper, play soccer or something. She'd love that." I said and he smiled and nodded.
"We will." He said and I kissed his cheek.
"I really wanted to have a mini you running around." I said and he looked down at me.
"I know. We just have to keep trying." He said.
"I feel like there's something wrong with my body. They said he was fine after what happened. Perfectly normal." I said.
"Babe, that was so much stress on me let alone you. Don't make yourself think it was your fault and like you could have stopped it from happening. It wasn't your fault. It happened and it fucking sucks and we're heartbroken, but it was out of our control. We've did everything we could and so did the doctors, it really fucking hurts but it's not our fault." He said and I nuzzled my face into his chest more and he kissed the top of my head.
"I can't wait to just be able to fucking walk normally and just get back to being regularly with things. I just want to feel better and just get past this." I said and he rubbed my side.
"We will get past it. Things will get better baby." He said I rubbed his chest.
"I love you so much." I said.
"I love you so much more." He said.
"Goodnight." I said softly.
"Goodnight."