I was at work the Monday after and I hadn't seen Trevor all day. His last day was coming up and it was honestly making me sad knowing he wouldn't be there every morning to kiss me or joke with me. I was waiting for him to come through my door at any second and crack jokes with me, but he didn't.
When lunch time came around, I decided to stay in my room and get work done rather than sit in the break room eating donuts and bagels. While I was sitting there, I heard a knock on my door and looked up into the small rectangular window of it to see Trevor standing there and I smiled weakly at him in. He smiled weakly before walking in and he sat down in front of my desk on a table.
"Hey." I said.
"Hey." He said.
"I haven't seen you today. Where have you been?" I asked.
"I've been here." He nodded and I smiled weakly.
"You've been hiding from me then, huh?" I asked as a joke and he shrugged. Something was wrong.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing." He said.
"Trevor." I warned and he looked up at me.
"I chose her." He said simply and I looked up at him from a paper I was grading and I put it down.
"What?" I asked.
"I chose her." He repeated and I went to talk but nothing came out. I just stared at him for a second before nodding. What else could I expect? He married her for a reason.
"Okay." I said.
"I just think it'll be easier especially when I'm gone. I won't see you and feel tempted and I can focus more on her and I. I talked to her last night and we actually listened to each other for once and laughed. It just feels like the beginning of our marriage again and I'm happier." He said and I smiled weakly.
"That's good." I said.
"Bailey, I don't want to make you upset. I still care about you I just-"
"No, I get it. Trust me I'm not hurt by it at all. I'm happy you found each other again and understand each other." I said and he nodded slowly.
"I just don't want you to feel like-"
"Trevor, I'm the one that wanted you to fix things with her. I don't need to be comforted. I'm happy that you're happy and figuring things out with her." I said and he nodded slowly.
"So-" he paused and he stood up.
"So." I said and he walked around my desk and he kissed my cheek.
"Don't think I don't care about you. I'm serious." He said and I looked down at my hands in my lap.
"You know I care about you too. I'm happy for you-" I paused and I wasn't looking at him while talking. I was nervous to.
"This was the hardest decision of my life." He said and I closed my eyes and he wrapped his arms around me and he knelt down next to me. I wrapped my arms around him and he kissed my forehead.
"You know if you ever need me I'll be there for you. Just call me, okay?" He asked.
"You aren't leaving yet, are you?" I asked.
"Today's my last day." He said and my eyes softened.
"I thought you said it was the end of the week-"
"I thought it was the end of the week but my chief leaves tomorrow and it's a whole retirement thing on the force so I have to go to that and then I start. They're getting another guy here from my station tomorrow. If he's cute you should get with him. Maybe he won't be married or an indecisive dick." He said and my eyes softened.
"Trevor, no." I said softly and he rubbed my back.
"I'm sorry. I know. If I could stay here a few more days I would but I can't." He said and I wanted to cry. I wanted him to stay. I wanted him to choose me, but I just acted like it was fine and he held me longer. I think he knew how I actually felt, but he just didn't say anything and I kissed his cheek.
"Please stay safe. If you don't keep me updated on things I'll personally find you and ask how things have been. I'm not asking for a daily report, I just want to know if you're doing okay." I said and he nodded.
"I will." He said and I ran my fingers through his hair.
"Will I see you later today?" I asked.
"Probably. I'll stop in and see you during your class. I want to say goodbye to the kids too. Especially Mackenzie." He said and I smiled weakly.
"She's going to miss you." I said.
"Yeah. Probably more than you will." He joked and I smiled weakly.
"I know you don't care and don't want to hear it, but I really do love you." I said and he nodded.
"I know." He said and I sighed.
"I'm sorry." I said.
"It's fine." He said and he unexpectedly kissed me but I needed him to. I needed some type of closure that was more than a kiss on the cheek. He cupped my cheek and locked his lips with mine and I heard my classroom door open and I looked up to see my boss. I swore he watched us every time.
"Before you get on my back about how I kissed her in the school, I'm done. Today's my last day and a new officer will be here tomorrow. I kissed her without warning so she's not getting in trouble either. Have a nice day. Bailey, I'll see you later." He said and I nodded as he walked out. It made me so sad. The fact that my boss had to interrupt made it even worse.
* * *
It was later in the day and Trevor came back. He walked in while I was teaching a lesson and I stopped and smiled weakly at him.
"Hey." I said and he hugged me and my students all made kissing noises and giggled at us and we chuckled and shook our heads as we pulled away from each other.
"Okay-So I know you all really liked Officer Prescott. I did too, but today is his last day working here and I wanted you all to have a chance to say goodbye to him." I said.
"What?" Mackenzie asked and he looked back at her and his eyes softened. He walked down the row to her desk and he knelt down in front of her.
"I'll visit. I promise I'll visit and check in on you, okay?" He asked and she looked like she was going to cry. He sighed and she hugged him tightly. I felt the same way.
"Okay-If anyone has something like a card they want to make for Officer Prescott and wants to make one in class and give it to him before he leaves today, that's okay." I said and he smiled weakly at Mackenzie. I didn't want the other students attention on her because she was crying and I felt bad. He got her to calm down though and he got up and went back to me.
"I'll visit you guys. I promise. Even next year. I'm excited to watch you all grow up." He said and a few of the girls got up and hugged him along with some boys giving him high fives. I didn't want him to leave at all. I knew I'd see him again, but I was going to miss seeing him every day.
"I'll see you later. I'll stop by when they're let out." He said quietly to me and I nodded.
"See you-everyone say goodbye!" I said and everyone said goodbye. Mackenzie was so sad and it broke my heart, but he left.
* * *
He came back into my room when the kids were let out and I was basically expecting him so I wasn't really doing work and was just waiting. He walked in and he walked around my desk before sitting down on it next to me and I looked up at him.
"I saw Mackenzie again with her mom. Her mom picked her up and she was so upset. I feel so bad." He sighed and I nodded.
"She was really upset." I said.
"I know. I made a deal with her that I would visit at least once a month." He said and I smiled weakly.
"She'll love it." I said and he nodded.
"Don't do this." He said and I cocked an eyebrow at him.
"Do what?" I asked.
"Don't do this. Don't talk to me like you don't care and don't talk to me like you don't know me and aren't bothered. I know when you're upset-"
"How do you expect me to be okay? Seriously? I get that she's your wife and I really have no problem with it. I'm happy you're working on your marriage, but I'm fucking heartbroken." I said and he sighed and looked away from me.
"It's hard for me too. I really, truly got wrapped up in you and I care so much about you. All the shit that we've been through in such little time-Bailey you mean a lot to me." He said and I nodded.
"You know you mean a lot to me." I said and he nodded.
"I know and I never said I didn't." He said.
"Okay." I said.
"Stop." He sighed.
"What do you want from me? What do you want me to say Trevor? That I'm in love with you and I'm hurting more than it looks and that knowing I probably won't see you for a month at least after today makes me feel like I literally won't be able to function? Or maybe that I don't even want to come to work if you aren't here because you always made me happy. I loved your jokes. The face you made in the morning when your coffee burned your tongue because it was too hot but you never fully showed how much it hurt because you wanted to seem tough in front of me. The attitude you gave my boss, how good you were with the kids, the way you smiled at me when you came into my room because you knew I wanted to see you just by the look I gave you. You have no idea how much I paid attention to everything. You have no idea." I said.
"I can't deny this position-"
"It's not the position, Trevor!" I yelled and hit my hand down against my desk and my eyes softened. I wasn't mad at him, I was just upset.
"Bailey, you wanted me to fix things with her." He said.
"No. I told you to fix things with her because it was the right thing to do. I wanted you to ignore it and just choose me." I said and he drug his hands down his face.
"I can't read minds." He said.
"I gave you all the signs." I said.
"Well, as a female you should know that men are fucking clueless." He said.
"I thought that maybe you just might be different." I said and he shrugged.
"So what? What do you want me to do? Call it off with her? Treat her like shit now? You know we had dinner together last night, drank wine, kissed, had sex. We had a good night. So do I go home today and treat her like shit? Hit her? Curse her out and tell her I'm done? Tell her I have a mistress that I'm in love with and I can't do it anymore? Let me know." He said.
"You aren't putting your hands on her." I said.
"I'm so fucking confused on what you want." He said.
"All I want is you and for you to understand that putting your hands on a woman is not okay. If we actually did end up together after all this bullshit, I hope you know I wouldn't put up with you if you ever put your hands on me. I'd kill you myself. It's as simple as that." I said.
"So.. I'm still confused on what you want." He said.
"I want you." I said.
"You can't have me and you know that." He said and I looked away from him and rolled my eyes.
"Bailey." He sighed.
"You also know that's bullshit." I mumbled and he got up from my desk and he basically grabbed my face and kissed me.
"I want you more than anything. It's unbelievable how bad I want to be yours, but I'm married. I'm technically a married man and I feel like it's best if I just try and fix what is fucked up and if I can't then we can try again but I need to make sure whether I can or can't. I don't want to ruin something I could completely fuck up with." He said.
"You literally told me you don't want kids with her." I said.
"Okay? I don't want kids with you either." He said and my eyes softened.
"Were you expecting me to say I did?" He asked and I shook my head and I was basically swallowing my tears at that point.
"Bailey, I have known you for four months-"
"Yet you even said we went through more than you and her did in the time we've been together. It's whatever though, Trevor. Go back to your fake relationship that won't work and try to fall for her again and when it doesn't work give me a call. I'll let you know if I choose you but hopefully I find someone else by then. Even if I don't I'm done. I thought you were different but nothing about you is." I said.
"I'm sorry for being married." He said.
"I'm sorry for you not being able to tell you're in a relationship with someone you do not care about." I said and he ran his fingers through his hair.
"I'll see you." He sighed.
"I doubt it."