Since I took a Friday off, I was able to have the weekend to myself and Trevor was able to have the weekend to relax more. I was so excited to maybe see him over the weekend, and I was praying I did. I missed him already, but I also understood if he couldn't because his wife. I still felt like a horrible person for doing things with him and telling him I loved him when he went home and did the same things and said the same to her.
I was sitting and watching TV on my couch and I grabbed my phone and went to my messages. I almost texted him, but stopped because if he was with his wife she would have questioned who I was and why I was texting him.
"Who are you texting?" His voice asked behind me and I screamed.
"Jesus Christ, Trevor!" I yelled and he chuckled weakly and climbed over the couch from the back on top of me and he kissed me.
"Why aren't you home? Does your wife know you left?" I asked and he shook his head.
"She went out-I wanted to talk to you." He said.
"Then talk to me. I love talking to you." I said and he nodded and motioned to the TV.
"What are you watching?" He asked.
"I don't know. Something on Netflix I found, I was going to text you but wasn't sure if I should." I said and he kissed my cheek.
"What do you have to talk to me about?" I asked and he smiled weakly.
"You can't be upset." He said.
"Why would I be upset?" I asked.
"I just don't want you to be." He said and I shook my head.
"I won't be. What's up?" I asked.
"Bailey." He sighed and I cocked an eyebrow at him.
"Just tell me. Stop hesitating." I said.
"My Chief is leaving and making my position at the new Chief of police." He said and my eyes softened.
"Why would I be upset? That's amazing, baby." I said and hugged him tightly.
"It is-I just-" he paused and he sighed after pulling away from me.
"I wouldn't be working at the school anymore." He said and my eyes softened.
"Oh." I said softly and he nodded.
"Well-that's okay. I'm happy either way. I know that position is your dream. I want you happy." I said.
"Would it make you happy?" He asked.
"You know we'd make time for each other no matter what." I said and he nodded.
"I know-I just won't see you as much, you know?" He asked.
"Yeah, but we can make time. I don't care. I'm so happy you got it." I said and he smiled weakly and kissed me.
"You're the best, you know that?" He asked.
"I know." I chuckled and he went to put his hand on my lap but I stopped him and pushed him away from me playfully. I was on my period, and it was going to be really awkward trying to explain that to him.
"What?" He asked.
"Nothing-I'm just not in the mood." I said.
"If you don't want me to take the position, I wont. Just tell me." He said.
"What? No-no. You aren't declining that position because of me. I genuinely think it's good for you and you becoming chief makes you do more but puts you in less danger. I'm tired of you getting hurt and worrying about you." I said.
"So why are you pushing me away?" He asked with a fake chuckle and I shrugged.
"Just not in the mood." I said.
"You're always in the mood." He said.
"Trevor-"
"What's up with you? You're acting weird. You don't want me to touch you and you usually always want me." He said.
"I have my period." I said awkwardly and he just looked at me for a second and looked down at his hands in his lap and nodded slowly.
"Oh. Well now I feel like a dick." He sighed and I chuckled weakly.
"It's fine." I said and he shook his head.
"No, I feel bad." He said.
"Well at least I'm not pregnant." I joked and he looked up at me.
"Why would you be?" He asked seriously.
"It was a joke." I said and he nodded.
"Stop being weird. This is why I didn't want to say anything-"
"Bailey, I'm married. You act like I don't deal with my wife getting her period and not being able to get any." He chuckled.
"When was the last time you and her had sex?" I asked.
"I don't know." He shrugged.
"You're lying to me." I said and he sighed.
"Like Tuesday or Wednesday?" He said more of a question.
"Tuesday or Wednesday? Or both?" I asked.
"Both?" He asked as a question again.
"You were with me Tuesday." I said.
"It was when I got home." He said.
"Listen, I know you're married and I'm not expecting you to choose me over her. It just makes me uncomfortable knowing sometimes." I said and he sighed.
"I'm sorry." He said and I shrugged.
"It's whatever. I don't really care if you sleep with her and I couldn't tell you not to even if I did, it just makes me uncomfortable." I said.
"Well I can just not sleep with her." He said.
"No-Trevor-that's your wife for Christ's sake." I said.
"If you don't want me to sleep with her-"
"I'm not having you whipped and treating you like a dog. You're a human. You're also a married man. I do not care if you sleep with her. I don't. You fell in love with her for a reason. I just get jealous." I chuckled and he smirked.
"Can we at least cuddle?" He asked and I nodded and smiled before laying down with him and he pulled me into him.
"And kiss?" He asked and I chuckled.
"I have a feeling you came here to get laid." I said and he shrugged.
"I came here to see you and to get laid but now it's just to see you." He chuckled and I rolled my eyes.
"Remember when you told me you loved me that night at the bar?" I asked and he nodded.
"Did you mean that? Or was that just out of fear?" I asked and he sighed.
"Bailey, I care a lot about you. You know that." He said.
"But you don't love me." I said.
"I don't love you. I think it's a mix of lust and fear of losing you. I don't love you, but if I lost you for whatever reason it would hurt. That night I didn't know what to say and I was scared I was going to lose you or you were going to lose me-I just wanted you to feel okay." He said and I nodded.
"I figured." I said and he kissed my cheek.
"Do you love me?" He asked.
"I thought I did." I said and he looked down at me.
"What's that mean?" He asked.
"I thought I loved you when you told me that you did, but I realized that you pretty much just use me for sex and comfort so I don't think I love you. I think I just like what we do." I said.
"I don't use you. Don't say that. I'm an asshole but don't make me seem like one to you. I really do care a lot about you." He said.
"I'm sure you do." I chuckled and he sighed.
"Bailey. I do. I didn't even invite my wife to Daks service." He said.
"Exactly. You needed comfort." I said.
"No, you met him and loved him. You knew how much I cared about him and she didn't have a care in the world for how much I cared about him. You did. I wanted you there because you only were with him once but you understood." He said and I turned to face him and kissed him.
"I don't understand how you told me you loved me and didn't mean it. I genuinely meant it when I told you I loved you." I said and his eyes softened.
"I'm sorry." He said.
"And why are you only nice to me if you're such an asshole to everyone else? Are you an ass to your wife? I just don't understand you." I said.
"You'll never understand me, baby." He said and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Trevor, please just stop. You act like a hard ass and you're not." I said.
"You act like you know me and you don't." He said and I narrowed my eyes at him.
"I know you a lot more than you think I do." I said.
"You don't know the asshole side of me because I've never wanted you to see that side of me, I genuinely care about you and I treat you delicately because you're so damn perfect. I may not love you, at least not yet-but I sure as hell think you're a beautiful, sweet and loveable perfect person. I have no reason to be an asshole to you. You're one of a kind and I'm not kidding." He said and I shook my head.
"You don't make sense. Everyone says you're an asshole. Everyone, trev. Do you have anger problems or something?" I asked.
"I just get easily annoyed. Especially if people screw me over or treat me like shit. I also hate when people tell me what to do. That's why I love being a cop. I do my own thing and I'm the one making decisions. Me being Chief is even better." He said.
"I just don't understand. So many people say you're an asshole but I think you're the nicest guy I've met." I said and he kissed me.
"I hope it never changes."