a/n: I really need to finish this book so I can start the new Matthew fanfic. I'M SO EXCITED.
We couldn't all fit in one car, so we had to drive in separate cars. Although, Luke did drive Andrea, Keegan, Ryan, and Jocelyn so they are all riding in one car, Jess and Nathan in one car, and I'm stuck with him in one car. I wanted to drive my own car and not be with him but at the same time, I was kind of lazy to drive.
It's been ten minutes and the color concert is about forty-five minutes away from our home. The car was filled with awkward silence, it's only been ten minutes yet I was already thinking whether I should jump out or not. That's how awkward it is. I heard him let out a sigh, signaling that he was about to speak. And so he did.
"Jannalyn.." He started off. I didn't bother to make eye contact with him, I didn't say anything and just kept my eyes on the road outside the window. I knew he was going to say something about what happened early, but I didn't want him too. I didn't want him to bring it up again. I was tired of arguing, it made my head ache. So I interrupted him before he could say anything.
"I really don't want to talk right now, Matthew." I said quietly, I felt his eyes on me but I still didn't bother to glance at him.
"Just please hear me out." He responded.
"I can't." This time I looked at him, into his eyes, the pair of eyes that would lighten up my mood every time, but this time it was a bit different. "I know we need to talk, but right now is not the perfect time." I looked away before I can make a decision I will regret. "We can talk later when we get home." He didn't say anything.
It made my heart ache because I don't know what's going on in his head. So I stayed still and kept my eyes out the window. Thoughts were filling my head making my head hurt. I tried to ignore all those randoms thoughts I've been trying to avoid.
He loves Jessica, not you.
I felt a tear rolled down my cheek from the corner of my eye, I didn't even noticed it until the little teardrop dropped on my hand that was placed on my lap. I quickly wiped it away and sighed in relief when he didn't notice. To keep myself from crying even more, I shut my eyes closed, turn my body away from him and tried my best to fall asleep. I felt two tears rolled down my cheeks, I didn't even bother to wipe it away. I let myself cry before I felt myself drifting off to sleep.
•••
We finally arrived. Matthew woke me up by calling my name out and telling me we were here. I yawned and stretched my arms out, I was going to open the car door and hop out but I felt him grabbed onto my wrist making me stay still. I turned around and faced him, sadness, regretness, and broken-hearted was written all over his face. His appearance made my chest ache, it made me want to hug him and just hold him. I know I can't do that, I can't just forgive him way too easily. He hurt me in a way I thought he never could.
His grip on my wrist was loose, his hand then let go of my wrist but held onto my hand. I told myself to yank my hand back. I wanted to yank my hand back. But, it was like my body was craving it, craving for his touch. My body felt numb and cold without his touch, my lips felt cold and numb, my heart felt like I was missing the other half. That other half belonged to him.
He has my other half, while I have his. But who knows how long it will stay that way?
"I know you don't want me to talk to you, but-" He cleared his throat. " I just wanted to remind you that I love you." He looked up to lock his eyes with mine.
He wanted to see my reaction, he wanted to see If I was going to yell at him, hurt him, kiss him, tell him I love him back, but I did the opposite. I stayed still showing no emotion. It must've hurt him when I didn't say it back or even respond. His shoulder sunken, as he blinked while his eyes were starting to fill with tears.
"Please know that I mean it, I truly do. Please." I couldn't say anything. It was like there was a tape on my mouth to keep it shut. I felt just like that. I know you do, baby. "Please say something." I looked down at my hand that was in his. I look back at his eyes as the words that left my mouth to slowly break him.
"I need to go." I pulled my hand away from him and exited out the car. Andrea was the first I saw once I exited out the car, she gave me a small weak smile but I didn't return it. Then everyone started jumping out of their cars and walked up to the small group. I looked back at Matthew expecting him to be behind me but he was still in the car with his head hanging low and closed eyes.
"Alright, everyone here are your badges and tickets." Nathan started them passing out to everyone, when he got to me, he knew Matthew wasn't going to come out anytime soon so he gave it to me instead.
"Why do we need tickets if we have a badge?" Keegan stupidly asked.
"The tickets are the entrance tickets and the badges are VIP badges, which means we can go backstage and meet all the famous people." Everyone gasped and started jumping up and down in excitement.
"Do you think there will be a huge table filled with food?" Keegan's eyes widened as he thought about it. Everyone else was confused about his question. "You know how they prepare foods but they are mainly for the 'celebrities'? Well guess what bitch, I got a VIP so that means I get the free food." He smirked in excitement. He's mostly excited about the free food than meeting the famous performers. Man, he is something else.
Matthew's sad ass point of view:
"I know you don't want me to talk to you, but-" I cleared my throat. " I just wanted to remind you that I love you." I looked up into those eyes, the eyes that makes me forget everything around me, the pair of eyes that makes my stomach feel all these weird shit, pair of eyes that the love of my life has.
I could see hurt in them, and it's all my fault. It's all my fault that we are both in this situation, it's my fault she might be even questioning if she still wants to be with him, it's my fault Ryan might even have a chance with her, it's my fault I have a chance of losing her. All because I made one mistake, one mistake that turned out to be a big mistake.
It's all my fault. I shouldn't have ditched her at the party with Jessica. I knew she was going to be there, I knew I was going to face her somehow. I knew that was going to happen all along. I didn't expect myself to actually ditch Jannalyn and leave with Jessica. Who knew what could happen, who knew what she could've done or even me. Who knew what I could've done.
But the thing is, I totally felt different when I was with Jessica. It's just hard to explain.
"Please know that I mean it, I truly do. Please." I started feeling tears build up in my eyes, it started making my vision a bit blurry. I was devastated when she kept her mouth shut. I felt broken, I felt my chest ache and it really really hurts. "Please say something." I said quietly. My eyes were filled with tears but they couldn't escape. It's like they were stuck there.
"I need to go." My chest ached even more, my heart broke even more. She pulled her hand away and exited out the car leaving me all by myself. Then one tear escaped my eyes right when she left. I stayed still and just cried. It's not so manly of me to cry, but it hurts so much that all I can do is cry.
I don't know what to do. So I stayed inside for a while, just to give myself some time to think. A couple of minutes later, I finally got out of the car. They weren't there anymore, I was left alone. That's when until I saw Jannalyn standing alone, kicking small rocks and dirt around. When I slammed the car door shut and locked it, she looked up at me. She was still not showing any expressions, just a straight face was looking back at me.
She had a badge around her neck that read VIP, with another badge in her hand with two paper tickets in her hand. When I approached her, she looked away for just a second while she tucked her hair behind her ear then looked back at me.
"This is for you." She handed me the badge and the ticket. "They were too lazy to wait for you so..I did." She coughed. "They're already inside so I insist we should go-" She was about to walk away and leave me again but I stopped her by grabbing her hand and turned her around.
I knew her so well that I bended down the exact height so my lips can lock with hers and it worked perfectly. Apart of me thought she was going to push me away and start yelling at me but she actually kissed me back. It was a very slow soft kiss, not that I was complaining, but it felt perfect. In the kiss you can feel how much passion we had for each, how much we were mad at each other but we still loved one another.
We both pulled away at the same time to breathe. I pressed my forehead against hers while I panted. She literally took my breathe away. Her hands were pressed against my chest while my hand was holding hers again. My thumb caressed the soft skin of her hand.
"I'm still mad at you." She whispered causing me to smile. Even one kiss lightened up my mood, she just makes everything bad to turn good. She makes me happy and I will do anything for us to go back to what we used to be, just one happy couple. "Just because I responded to the kiss does not mean I forgive you so easily." She whispered again. I caught her eyes on my lips as I look at her own. I licked my lips wanted to feel those lips on mine again, but it's not that easy.
"I know, baby." I whispered back at her. Without thinking, I attached my lips with hers again. I expected her to push me away this time but she didn't, she kissed me back again. Then she quickly pulled away, looked at me before started walking to the entrance. I felt myself smirked because I knew she was craving me, I knew how much control I had in her, like I knew she couldn't resist me.
But that's okay, because I was craving her and I knew I couldn't resist her either.
I tucked my hands back in my pockets and followed after her. I didn't want to run up to her because we weren't in that good terms yet. So I just followed her with a smirk on my lips.
•••
Jannalyn's bitch ass point of view:
It's been about thirty minutes since we arrived here and the concert is about to start. Everyone here are covered with white clothing, including us.
"Dude, Imagine Dragons are up!" Luke gasped very loudly, all of them started freaking out, jumping up in down in excitement, and grinning from ear-to-ear. Meanwhile, Matthew, Ryan, and I were quiet.
I was standing beside Andrea with my arms crossed, staring at the dusty ground as I think. I still couldn't believe Matt kissed me, the worst part is I kissed him back when I should've push him away! But I couldn't and I had no clue why. It was like my body was craving him even when my mind wasn't. My mind was telling me to push that bitch off of me while my body and hear thought the opposite. I had no clue what those two were thinking about. All I wished for was us to be in good terms and just not have drama, at all.
You know what they say, sometimes we can't always get what we want.
"Let's go backstage!" Keegan suggested.
"Shit, I completely forgot we had these bad boys!" Andrea tugged on the badge that was strapped around her neck. She giggled before she jumped on Luke's back unexpectedly but he just smiled while he held on to her legs while he ran to make sure she won't fall off. Then everyone got on each other's backs and ran after them. Ryan, on the other hand, just walked after them looking like he's not in the mood.
He hasn't tried to talk or even look at me ever since we got here. I felt guilty but I know I shouldn't be feeling guilty when I know I have done nothing wrong. Someone tapped my shoulder making me forget what I was thinking. I turned my head and looked at Matthew who was standing beside me.
"Piggy back ride?" He sent me a weak smile. I didn't know whether I should take it or not. "Come on, I know you love piggy back rides." So then I jumped on his back and bit my lip as he ran. The security noticed our VIP badges when we were approaching him so he opened the gate to let us in, then we finally reunited with the crew.
"There they are! There they are!" Andrea pointed to the group of men who looked happened to be the Imagine Dragons, they had their instruments in their hands and looked excited to go.
"You guys stay here while I go look for the table filled with food." Keegan informed us. "Coming with me babe?" He asked Jocelyn.
"I don't want to but someone has to stop you from getting arrested, or somewhat." She sighed. Keegan grinned like a little boy before taking her hand and dragging her with him.
Few minutes later, the Imagine Dragons walked out causing the audience to scream out loud and cheer for them. Then they started singing, prancing around, and they looked like they were having the time of their lives. So did the audience. It looked fun.
Then we all agreed to go with the audience and dance along while screaming the lyrics. After one song, something shot the air causing me to jump at how loud it is. When I looked up, it was powdered color falling from the sky then landed on us. Then they sang another song while we danced like there were no tomorrow. I completely forgot about all the drama for a while and just had fun.
•••
It then ended. It was late at night, it was around 9 pm and it started getting dark. We all went our separate ways when we hit the freeway. Nathan and Jess had some other plans so they took the opposite way from us and so did the others. That left me with Matthew, on the way home. I was so exhausted, my feet were aching so much from walking and jumping around.
Our clothes were covered with powdered color, it even got some on the car which will be a pain in the ass to clean. All I wanted was to sleep on my comfy cold bed. But, we both agreed to discuss the drama we are in later when we get home. The ride home was awkward and was filled with silence.
When we finally arrived, Matthew parked his car next to mine in the parking lot. We both got out at the same time then made our way to the elevator. We stood by each other as our skins were barely touching each other. Then it dinged and we walked inside our apartment. I greeted Burnie who greeted me with a soft bark before sitting infront of me, his paws on my toes.
"Hi, bud." I pet him then pat his head, he sticks his tongue out in response then walked past me to greet Matthew. While he was being greeted by Matthew, I walked to our bedroom to take a quick shower. I grabbed a pair of underwear and Matthew's shirt I found in my own drawer.
After taking the quick shower, I left the door open while I dried my hair with a towel. Few minutes later, Matthew walked in nothing but in shorts. He dropped his dirty clothes in the dirty hamper that we shared, he placed his clean clothes on the counter and stood by me. I felt his eyes on me as he watches me dry my hair. When I was finished drying my now damped hair, I hanged my towel to dry.
"I'm sorry." Was the first thing that he left out his mouth. I turned around and walked up to him. I felt my own shoulders sunken a bit when I caught a glimpse of sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry being an asshole and a dick." I crossed my arms. He leaned against the counter as we still stared at each other.
"And I'm sorry for being a bi-" He cuts me off by stepping one foot closer to me.
"No," He sighed. "You had every right to be mad at me. I shouldn't have ditched you like that, especially with the person I had a past with." I cringed just by the thought of her. I glanced down at the floor to prevent him seeing how jealous and mad I was. "If I'm being honest. I clearly have no idea why I did that, I wasn't thinking straight. I was thinking about it early and I was thinking about how stupid I was to pull that move."
"Yeah, you were." I agreed with him. "And you even knew that I dislike her, Matthew." I replied. "You knew she flirted with you infront of from the start. She does it on purpose to make me mad, and it does make me mad because she can't do that." I paused for a while. "Seeing how you talked to her, looked at her at the party made me so jealous and mad." I raised my voice just a tiny bit. "It made me mad because I knew she she knew I was looking so she started touching you as she was flirting with you. The worst part is you didn't bother to tell her to stop, you just let her touch you and that clearly wasn't the first time." I let out a dry laugh.
"I know and I regretted it, baby." My eyes started filling up with tears as he called me baby. Not only did it make my chest ache but it made my heart flutter as well.
"I was jealous because it seemed like y-you were starting to gain back your feelings for her. It seemed like you were going to leave me for her and that made me think twice about my trust for you." I sniffed, wiping my tears that has escaped my eyes with the back of my hand. "It scared me." I cried even harder, my chest ached when I spoke those words. It hurt because it was true.
He didn't say anything but looked at me with tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. He opened his legs and took me by hand to pull me between his legs, he cupped my face and turned me to look at him. He wiped the tears away with his thumb. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it right after. He lets go of my face and hugged me instead. I wrapped my arms around his torso and hid my face on the crook of his neck as I cried. He just held me the entire time and that's all I wanted him to do. Just hold me and never let me go.
A couple of few minutes later, I calmed down. We were still hugging each other, we haven't moved a muscle away from each other. He started playing with my hair while I stood still.
"I'm scared too." He mumbled quietly against my hair. "I'm scared that after everything I have done to you, you'll find someone better than me. And I'm afraid for that person to be Ryan." I leaned away from his to look at his face. His eyes were bloodshot red and his cheeks were wet from the tears he let out. I was about to respond to him but he cut me off. "No no, let me finish." He was still holding onto me and I was doing the same, I wasn't planning on letting go anytime soon anyways.
"When I heard him confess his feelings about you, it made me angry. Not because I was jealous but because I knew this day was going to come. I knew back then when you two started talking and getting close, he would catch feelings for you. It made me angry because I wasn't surprised at all, it's like I knew all along." I watched his every move with my own eyes. He would look somewhere to avoid eye contact with me, but then he would look back at me and I would see that more tears were rolling down his cheeks.
"and I'm afraid that you'll catch feelings for him too." One of his teardrop dropped on my arm. I reached my hand and softly wiped his tears away. "I'm afraid that you'll realize how much of a good guy he is and that he's better than me; he'll treat you better than I ever could, he'll love you- and thinking about it just makes me think I'm not a very good boyfriend and best friend." My own eyes started tearing up again. "It makes me think that I'm not good enough for you."
I stopped him before he can say anything else. I cupped his face so he can look straight at me. Tears were already spilling out right after what he said, it ached my heart. I wanted to show him that whatever he is thinking is a lie.
"Don't you dare say that again, Matthew." He sniffed. "If you're not good enough for me, then why am I still here in your arms? Why am I still here loving you?" I took a deep breath. "I will never leave you for someone else, Matthew. Wether they can treat me better or not, I'm not leaving you because you are all I wanted. You're the only person that I want to be with, to grow old with, to die with." He wiped my tears that were rolling down my cheeks non-stop. "I love you so much, Matthew Lee. No one else, just you, okay? You're all I want." I blinked slowly, trying to get rid of my blurry vision. "I love you and only you."
Then with that, he crashed his lips with mine. I could taste his tears on his lips but I didn't care. Tears continued streaming down my face while we kissed. My hands grabbed his face and then slowly moved on his neck, to deepen the kiss. The kiss was filled with love. Then I slowly pulled away from him to catch my breath and pressed my forehead against his. He then kisses me against while mumbling the words I've been dying to hear.
"I love you too, shortie."
•••
A/N: THE END!
LMAO, I'M KIDDING. BITCH YOU THOUGHT.
It has been a while since I have updated so here I am :)
ALSO, I did what you guys told me about my boy problem shit. I decided for my friend to tell him through Instagram, because I don't see him during school hours because my school is huge as shit that it has two lots. So she texted him and said that I like him but then it took days for him to reply. I thought he saw it bc it can show your whole message through your notification shit so I told her to send a meme picture that reads 'sike bitch you thought' and so he hasn't replied. I started to think that he doesn't have his phone because he wasn't active at all. Then yesterday, he saw it and alll he replied with is an 'ok?' I was like biiitch then left him on read. LMAO BUT YEAH. END OF MY DEPRESSING STORY.
Hope you guys had a better day than me :) lol