𝐌𝐀𝐅𝐈𝐀|| 𝐃𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 || 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐉𝐚𝐞𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧 𝐅𝐅

Chapter 35: Tony

Y/N POV

I quietly knocked on Tony's bedroom door, returning to check on him. I slowly opened the door, taking a peek inside. My eyes wandered around the large room before landing on the long sofa to my left beside the bathroom entrance.

Tony lied motionless on the sofa, his arms crossed and his eyes gently closed shut. I haven't seen him this way in a while. When we were younger, whenever either of us was upset, if we felt trapped, we'd sleep. That's exactly what he's doing now, sleeping. Did he feel as though he couldn't leave? Ah.. for the sake of me, he felt as though he couldn't.

I slowly walked up to him. Once I reached the grey sofa, I crouched beside him. I gently placed my hand on his cheek, caressing it with my thumb. I wonder how he felt while I was away..? He rarely called, it must've bugged him.

Whenever Tony is upset or bothered by something or someone, he becomes distant. It's heartbreaking to see, but it's reasonable. It's his only way of keeping himself protected, it's his shield. People who shield others can only do so for so long before needing to shield themselves, like a wall. If you stand behind a wall that's being beaten or shot at, you'll be okay. The wall on the other hand, takes the beating. It cracks, crumbles, and if it doesn't have any protection for itself, it'll eventually fall.

Tony has always been that wall for me, that shield. I know I've hurt him recently, so this is his way of finding protection for himself, becoming distant. I'm mentally beating myself up for not thinking of him once while I was with Jaehyun. I feel as though I've betrayed him, like a girlfriend cheating on her boyfriend. I've admired Tony since the day we met. My emotions toward him have been a roller coaster over the years. I know his have been the same.

Looking at him, I've realized what he truly means to me. More than the world, more than words could ever explain. A best friend, a lover.. but not in this life. Like the push and the pull of the tides, we'll forever be pulled apart no matter what we do.

"No more confusion," I whispered. "I promise to be your shield from now on, but I can't promise I'll be here forever."

Upon finishing my words, I gently placed a kiss on his head, placed a blanket over his still body, and quietly left the room.

I think I finally realize what it was he didn't want to tell me earlier, and I think it's time I do the same.

I stopped outside of his door, my heart beginning to throb as the weight of the situation set in. We didn't need to exchange words to understand the now unspoken agreement between the two of us, all we needed was time.

Though we felt like we knew this day might've come, why does it still hurt?