Jackson State- Part 2 JS2

Love And War

Ant's POV


Observation is keen especially when your trying to define the unknown . For the past couple of weeks , ive been on observation duty , Watching and listening , Basically Studying his every move . Trying to Pinpoint someones thoughts was harder than I thought . He moved the same , Talked the same , walked the Same , Practically everything about him was of his norm . Yet something wasnt sitting right with me . As I watched him stare out the window , I pulled together all the observations ive made on him since arriving in Texas and tried to calculate something anything that could answer my question Who Is He ? The Exterior was Rj , The smell was Rj , But the Actions Not so Much . I Silently approached him and rested my chin on his shoulder , he reached back and placed his hand behind my head .

Ant: Hey

Rj: Good Morning

Ant: So are you all packed

Rj: Yea

Ant: Cool , So are we going by your parents before we leave

Rj: Thats Fine

Ant: Ok ... hey are you ok ?

Rj: Why Wouldnt I be

Ant: I Mean its perfectly normal for you to be experiencing some Anxiety about heading back to New York . To Be Honest Im nervous too , especially since they havent caught the people who attacked us . But im also tired of living in fear , we cant put the world on hold forever , at some point we gotta get back out there .

Rj: What if we dont

Ant: Huh ?

Rj: What if we dont , Have to go back there . We can just stay here

Ant: But what about ?

Rj: Basketball ? Truthfully F***k Basketball ,

Ant: RJ you dont mean that

RJ: Yea I Do . Im Tired Ant , I Really cant Do this anymore . Im tired of fighting , im tired of constantly having to defend myself . Im Done with People Maliciously trying to tear me down . It seems like the world is out to get me , Every time I try to move forward something or someone knocks me down .

Ant: But it only makes you stronger babe

Rj: Really? When Does it end Huh ? All My Life Ive had people Hate on me or want to see me do bad For No Reason . Starting with My Dad , Then Liz , God Knows I love my child but nothing ever goes right , Then Mike , and Travontae , Penelope , The List goes on and on Anthony , When Does it End

Ant: As Long as you get back up it doesnt matter .

Rj: What if I dont wanna get back ? What if I Just stay down . Live here with you ?

Ant: So You wanna give up Basketball is that what your saying ?

Rj: Thats Exactly what im saying , Lets Do it , Lets just Go away me and You wherever you wanna go , South Carolina , Arizona Florida so we can be closer to Raiya , Hell It doesnt matter Anywhere you wanna Go , We Can . I Just cant do this anymore

Ant: Your Asking me to let you quit ?

Rj: Arent you Tired ? Tired of everything Dont you just wanna be normal and have a normal life with me

Ant: Yea I Do , But lets face it we will never be normal . This is our Normal . It might sound crazy but I wouldnt change anything , without it Where would we be , if we didnt have to fight to love each other , One of us would have walked away a long time ago . So Am I Tired , Yes , but If it wasnt for seeing your face everyday or waking up to you every day I would have been stayed down , and not attempt to get up . So For you I wont give up and I wont let you give up . So Lets go say goodbye to your family , get on this plane and face the world . Like we always do .

RJ: What Kind of Speech Was that lol

Ant: I Dont Know Did It Work lol

Rj: Not Really but you was going off . Im Not gone give up on you ! Lol, Ok Sir Yes Sir

Ant: Dont make fun of Me .

Rj: I Mean really where did you get that From A tyler Perry Movie ?

Ant: Shut Up lol

Rj: Listen , I Dont wanna go . But I Know I have to I have Duties to take care of . but it was a nice idea to get away tho . Maybe one Day

Ant: One Day . Now lets go before you make us miss the flight

...............................................................................................................................................................................................

4 Weeks Later



It Still took some Wooing to get Rj to feel completely comfortable with Going Back to New York . But It really wasnt up to either of us , We both still had priority's in NYC . Despite his Injury's he still had obligations to the team , I still had Work to take care of . The horrible attempt at taking us out had come and gone , we both still had some fears of that night , especially since the people behind it havent been brought to justice. As much as we both would like to flea the state and duck off into our own little lives , we had to put our big boy draws on and head back into the real world head first .


A Couple Changes were made , we had security out the ass . I Mean I couldnt even use the restroom without them handing me the toilet paper. We Moved out of our House and Into a New One . the other one was just to tainted , with the ora of Penelope and any other premarital things that took place before me . It just felt like a Fresh New Clean Start at least for me .


I Noticed a Change in Rj Every since we made it here . He seemed more agitated , and Anxious . He temper flared up more than enough times . A couple of times it aimed towards the Security , and Sometimes it was aimed towards me . It was almost like he had it out for me because I wanted to help him and be there for him . Being that he was till paralyzed from the waist down , I wanted to be there 24/7 for his every need and I think that Pissed him off more than showing I was there for him . I Tried taking a couple of steps back to give him the space he needed , I realized that it must have already been hard enough for him to be in a wheel chair , let alone me treating him like a charity case . So to avoid the more frequent arguments I spent majority of my time at Work while he was doing physical therapy .


After a Long day at Work I Decided to pick up his favorite Chinese take out before picking him up from Physical therapy . As Usual the Ride home was a little on the quite side , It wasnt that there was beef between us it just was strange . there was this unspoken tension that I couldnt put a name to it . All I Know is I felt like It was my fault and I was looking to make it up to him , anything I could think of to make him happy .

Ant: So How was therapy

Rj: Therapy

Ant: Any progress ?

Rj: Yea , my upper body is almost back to its full potential

Ant: Thats Great

RJ: How was your Day

Ant: Work , Interviews , Press . Work lol

RJ: Sounds Good

Ant: Hey are you ok ? I mean cause I know my excessive need to help you is annoying but something feels off

RJ: No , Im Fine

Ant: You Know what I got a Great Idea . Since we have a New Home , I was thinking maybe we should have a House warming Party

Rj: You Cant Be serious

Ant: It would Be Fun , We can Invite Jermaine and Tiara Catch up with them , A couple of your teammates , Some of my clients , Just to mingle and have fun

RJ: Really

Ant: Whats wrong with a party

Rj: Everything is wrong with a Party Anthony

Ant: What do you Mean

Rj: Nothing Never mind , Im not hungry anymore

Ant: NO NO NO You always do this Get upset and then end the conversation . Thats not gonna work anymore Rj . Whats the Deal with you

Rj: Fine You wanna Know My Deal , My Deal Is you . and your Chippy behavior

Ant: Listen I have apologized Time and time again for Practically stalking you to help you , But im sorry Im not apologizing anymore for trying to be there for my Husband . For now on You can get security to do it .

Rj: Thats Not My Issue

Ant: THEN WHAT IS ?

Rj: You ! You wanna Throw a F***king Party . To Pretend like None of this ever Happened . NEWSFLASH Anthony It DId and Having a cocktail and Friends over wont change a DAMN THING .

Ant: Im trying to Move On From It

RJ: Thats the THING ! My Brother Died ! My Little Brother Died , WE WERE SHOT AT ANTHONY . I WAS IN A COMA for over a week . Have Some F***king Sympathy , At Leat Act like your Effected .

Ant: You Dont Think , Ive Grieved Over that ?

Rj: Not When Your Jolly and Planning parties .

Ant: You Have No Idea what ive Been Through ! I have Grieved and Grieved Until I cant Form tears anymore . Your Not the Only One who Lost somebody that Night . I get That your little brother Is Gone And it Hurts me To . I have been working my ass off to be strong for the Both of us , only for you to sit around with a piss poor attitude For Two F***king Months . It Might Not come across as Im Sad or Hurt by what Happened but I am , I Hurt everyday because Not only did We Lose Aaron , A part of you Died Too . I Just want my Husband back .


I Stood there breathing heavy , I was heated . It felt like a slap to my face that he would even think I didnt care about him losing his brother . For the past two Months Ive been working hard at trying to be that rock for him , only for him to discredit everything Ive done . He Just sat there with his hands on his head I could tell his anger had reached a tipping point . Truthfully I was waiting for it , I was waiting for him to show some type of emotion , besides the temper tantrums towards me . I Stood there watching him waiting for the tears to release , But to my surprise he reacted with more anger . He quickly grabbed the table and with one swift movement , he flipped the brand new Imported glass table over . Glass shattered everywhere as the house filled with the crashing noise of the table . At least his Physical therapy was working I thought to myself as I kicked away some the glass by my feet . He placed his hand back on his head and went back into Bull mode . Normally I would force him to talk to me until i can get him to open up , but in this instance I thought it would be better to give him some space to calm down . I carefully walked around the glass and went upstairs .


Like I stated earlier I had cried all the tears I could , So the only thing I could do was pace back and forth . At this point I was Over the back and forth , the tension between us , I just wanted to move on and get back to our happy place . Dont get me wrong there were good times throughout these past two months , but mostly awkward silent ones . I didnt think it was that big of a deal that I wanted to push this under the rug and continue with life . I Honestly hit a road block one that I had no clue how to get around . So I Decided to call my Tiara I mean she has been married a while and her and Jermaine always go through the motions . I tried her Cell but there was no answer , so I called the House phone .

Jermaine: Ant Waddup . I Figured you would be calling ?

Ant: Why , Did Rj say something

Jermaine: Ummm No , Its just the two of you have been in town for a month Now .

Ant: Oh , Oh Sorry its just weve both been busy thats all

Jermaine: Yea yea whatever . So is everything allright ?

Ant: Yea

Jermaine: So you gone sit up here on this phone and Lie , You just freaked out when you assumed Rj told me something . Spill It

Ant: Ok , But I actually would prefer to talk to Tiara

Jermaine: Why ?

Ant: Because she's been through this

Jermaine: With Me Dummy , so dont you think I know a thing or two about it

Ant: Not when you were the cause of it . In this instance Rj would be you . get it ?

Jermaine: Ohhhhh , Well your out of luck , she's at the studio and she turns her phone off . so its either me or nothing

Ant: Fine , Fighting How do you End it ?

Jermaine: well in my case the Woman is always right lol . But No seriously You cant keep score and you cant hold on to old arguments . There is no clear winner .

Ant: But I feel Right Tho , I feel like I didnt do anything wrong , besides try to be there for him , Help him get around .Push him to get back out there . Ive done nothing but be a good husband to him , and he makes me feel like s***t for doing that .

Jermaine: Well thats a tough one , Its clear you arent in the wrong , but maybe your approaching it wrong .

Ant: What do you mean

Jermaine: Well for starters His Little Brother Died Ant

Ant: I Know that , And ive grieved with him and without him . I Understand his pain .

Jermaine: Maybe thats the thing You Say you understand it but you dont act like it . Remember with tiara and I , I was perfectly hearing her , but I wasnt listening . Sure you say you feel his pain , but Do you really ? Just think about it If I or tiara were to pass How long would it take you to get over it , How miserable would you be ? Especially if you think you have a part in it . I mean Sometimes its best to let the person be angry . Trying to cheer him up will only piss him off

Ant: But I dont like seeing him like this . All he talks about is giving up quiting .

Jermaine: Come on Ant Its Rj were talking about , Let him get all of that out his system , the pain the hurt the confusion . You just gotta be there when its all said and done to help him pick the pieces up

Ant: thats what Im trying to do . Its been Two Months ?

Jermaine: Its gonna take longer than that . Especially since he's in a wheel chair .

Ant: But I Dont Wanna fight anymore . its starting to become to much

Jermaine: Well All I can say is put your Big boy pants on because this is the time where the for better or worse is tested . Just as long as at the end of the day you two remember that you love each other and I Promise things will get better .

Ant: Are you Like Reading some Terry mcmillan Book or something

Jermaine: Im Just a Wise Nigga .

Ant: Mmm Hmmm

Jermaine: Aye I gotta go Cause Jermany is about to Push her brother down the stairs in his Tonka Trunk . Oh Remember Sympathy is Not the Key . Goodluck



I Hung the Phone up and Marched downstairs , I realized if I was going to do this I had to really commit to it . I Marched right up to him and lifted his head up . Instantly I saw that he had been crying I wanted to end it there and hug him and tell him everything would be allright but I couldnt do that because it would give him the option to fail .

Ant: Listen to me and Listen Well . If You wanna be angry Ok , If you wanna hate yourself Fine , If you feel like you want to find the People who did this and Kill them , Then im Ok with that . But Im not about to sit around and baby you anymore . You wanna Quit , You wanna Run away and Hide thats Not gonna happen . Ive done alot for you But I what I wont do is help you destroy yourself . So If you need to flip every table in this house , Punch a hole in every square inch of the wall then Fine , I'll help you . But at the end of the day He's not coming back , and Hurting yourself and lashing out at me wont make the pain go away . So lets do it right here right now , get it all out . Because Come Monday Your going to physical therapy , Your doing the interview your going to the game and Your going to start living again . Am I Clear ?

Rj: Whatever Works For you

Ant: Whatever Works For Me ? You Know What F***k It If You wanna Sit here in your Own misery then Be my Guest

Rj: I Deserve it , I Killed HIm

Ant: .......

Rj: I Killed My Little Brother

Ant: No .......

Rj: Dont Lie ! Its my fault right ? I was suppose to Protect him But I Didnt , and Its all because of me thats he Gone

Ant: I get that your .......

Rj: NO YOU DONT GET IT AT ALL . IM RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS DEATH . EVERY TIME I CLOSE MY EYES I CAN SEE HIM I CAN HEAR HIM SCREAMING FOR ME TO HELP HIM . YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHATS ITS LIKE TO WAKE UP TO THAT ,TO NOT BE ABLE TO SAY GOODBYE .

Ant: Your Right I Dont , But I Cant Let you take that Blame . Not by yourself .

RJ: It Hurts every time I breath it Hurts . I Dont wanna Do this anymore .

Ant: Im here , Im here for you . But you gotta let it Go , you gotta know that it wasnt your fault

Rj: Then Why Does it feel like it . My parents arent even speaking to me , Meagan is avoiding me . I just know He's upset with me

Ant: Honey , Listen to me , what happened to your brother isnt your fault , Its nobody fault but the animals who did that to him. You know that he loves you right , that your family loves you and without a question your brother Loved you he looked up to you . If anything he's probably upset that your giving up that your quitting . So Be the big brother that he loved pick up the pieces and keep moving . If not for me then do it for Aaron .


I Sat on his lap and Hugged him tight , I Just let him cry on my shoulder , It was something that was overdue . I Just really needed him to come back , I needed for him to be the man that I feel in love with , the Big brother that they adored . As he let all his pain out , I couldnt help but think of the Rainbow that was sure to show since the hurricane has past . I was no Psychic but things were about to start looking up for us .