Merlin imagines

Arthur- not enough

A/n 6k guys!!!!!! Whatttttttttt!!!!!

This was a pleasant morning, the sun was shining and the world was happy that was until y/n fell ill. It seemed the world knew of her illness as the sky turned grey and raindrops fell down landing on the ground with a faint splash. My concern for her is indescribable. Seeing her, lying lifeless on a bed, caused my internal organs to combust and I couldn't bear it. I am ashamed to say that I left her in the hands of Merlin and Guis. I could never let anyone see me in so much pain.

I wound my hands together, furrowing my eyebrows as I stared into an empty space on the floor. My brain was whirring around and around thinking about the possibilities.

What is she gets cold?
What is she gets hot?
What if she wakes up and I am not there?
What is she does not wake up?

The mere thought caused tears to well in my eyes. I know there is not a way I could not live without her. She is my beautiful light and without light what reason is there to live.

Merlin burst through my chambers. Not knocking and leaving the door wide open. Any other day this would annoy me terribly but today there are more important matters at hand. His face is stricken with tear stains as he looks at me in distress. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out.

"Is she- is she okay?" My voice cracks as I stand leaning on the tale for support.

"Arthur she's-" Merlin's voice cuts off as his gaze breaks away from mine as he looks down at the floor.

"No she's not." I swallow down my fear as my fists start to tremble.

"I am so sorry." He whispers a single tear falling down his cheek. I collapse back into the chair my being completely numb as he takes a step towards me. "Arthur we- guis did the best he could."

"IT WAS NOT ENOUGH!" I scream angrily the emotion flooding through me replacing the numbness. I fling my arms out knocking over a jug of water. "You did not do enough and now she is gone. " I speak slowly trying to control my emotions. "She's gone." My bottom lip trembles as my voice cracks and a tear slips down.

I lean forward, thrusting my head into my hands, as an uncontrollable sob racks through my body. I sit there knowing that my angel has gone crying loudly into my hands. I look up to see Merlin shuffling awkwardly away and my voice speaks before my brain even has the chance to think.

"Stay." My voice echoes around. "I do not think I can bear being alone." He simply nodded dragging a chair over next to mine. We sat there for what felt like minutes but was hours long in silence.

Once the skyline was turning orange both of our eyes were puffy and red from crying.

"Can I- can I see her?" I asked breaking the hours of silence.

"I think i can manage that." Merlin smiled softly at me trying to lighten both of our moods so I gave him a simple half smile showing that I really appreciated his gesture. He nodded before standing gesturing for me to follow him. After talking with guis Merlin managed to let me see her in her chambers.

I gulped before taking a step forward opening the wooden door. I could see her lying on her bed and my heart stopped. Where usually the room would be filled with her snores or her laughter it was painfully silent.

I took another step towards her as I took in her features. Her hair was spilled out across her pillow. Normally that would annoy her and my fingers ached to fix it. Her cheeks were sullen and sunken as her skin gripped tight to the bones. Her skin was pale as the sheet and her eyelids were closed.

My heart ached as I stepped forward again and again until I was right by her side. Numbly I fell onto my knees and my fingers groped around for her hand. I clutched her still fingers tightly wishing that they were warm and moving. My spare hand reached up and gently caressed her face as tears fell from my eyes.

"If you were here you would tell me to stop touching you." I sniffed wiping away my tears with my sleeve. "You would lightly punch my shoulder but wink at me at the same time. You would smile at me and I would feel your arms around me as you tell me that everything will be okay. But how can it? Your no longer here to help me. How can I do this without you? I cannot do this without you."

I broke down in tears sobbing into the beds sheets.

"You know I never really told you how much you mean to me. I never told you that you my light in a world doomed to darkness. I never told you that I love you more than anything. And I do. I love you, I love you, I love you." I gripped her fingers as I continued to sob even with the threat of falling asleep over me. Maybe hours maybe only minutes later my sobs had stopped as my eyelids were slowing closing but not before I whispered to her for the last time. My mouth opened forming be words before sleep dragged me under.

"I love you."