Troubled [h.s.]

77

On January 12th, Louis came to visit me. He was all shiny and clean next to me since where I showered there was no doors and many perverts along with bugs and probably HIV.

He said he wanted to bring Rose but since you have to go through an ID check and she is a missing person, it would be too risky. We even joked about a gang leader coming being any easier.

He told me he missed me, I told him I missed him too. Not even going near to fact that the reason I was here was because I couldn't hurt him. I made him promise to make Rose go to school and to look after her. Turns out she was staying with him anyway. He asked me why I was here and I told him I attacked a police officer on New Years when I was drunk. He bought it. I know he must have checked my records.

Then he told me the most unexpected of all, he told me Harry was looking for me.

At first, I froze, I didn't know what to do. I didn't say anything because I knew he had got the letters. He must have. Why would he be here otherwise?

He left soon after that and I wore the sneakers Louis brought me and went out onto the garden for a jog. It was mostly me running when no one was looking and walking when a guard looked my way.

It did no good but I was feeling more calm. He wouldn't come here. He wouldn't.

Diane asked me with if that was the famous Tomlinson and I said yes, many cheered and some even told me they were in love with him.

I managed to out Harry away and focus on telling my frantic story to the crisps.

**

It hit me hard on February 1st. Its his birthday. He is 20 now. If we were together, I would make him breakfast in bed, wake him up by wrapping my lips around him and sucking. I know he loves it.

When we finish breakfast, I would fuck him in the shower and give him a bonus blow job. After that, I would give him his gift and open his favorite movie to watch. We would stay in bed all day, eat, fuck, eat again, fuck again. It would he a Netflix and Chill kinda day.

I go to the girls bathroom and in the shower, the sobs take over me.

I don't even see my roommate from the mirror until she starts washing her hands in front of me. It sucks that there is no curtains or doors here.

"Out of foundation?" She starts laughing as I don't even bother to cover my boobs or vagina, I silently stop crying.

"Fuck you Pen!" Her name is Pen by the way. I don't know short for what though.

She looks at me again from the mirror and its not a snarky and hateful look, she rakes up and down my body.

Even though I am 51% sure I am straight, the way she looks at me fires something inside me and the longing for someones skin on top of me after a dry month makes me look away from her.

I am turning into Piper Chapman. No. Fuck.

"Yeah fuck me." She says but her voice is low. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I feel weird as the things we could do come to my mind. It would surely distract me off Harry since there is no booze or crack here, this might be the best way to-

My sea of thoughts are cut short when Pen kisses me. I pull away.

"Pen." I put a hand over my mouth. There is nothing wrong with being gay or in this case bisexual but I don't know, this feels weird.

I had Jordan after Harry, would it matter?

I kiss her this time. I never knew she smelled actually decent in this place. With the water splashing on both of and the empty bathroom, this is like notebook all over again except I am naked and we are in prison.