Troubled [h.s.]

46

I look behind me and there is a huge grave stone. It reads 'Zayn Javadd Malik, greatly loved son and friend, 1993-2014'. I suddenly hear Liam babbling about burying Zayn just outside of Seattle somewhere.

"I bought that. Just so you know. I had a proper man come up and had his prays done. They had to take him out and wash him. That is what Islamic culture is I suppose? They took him to a mosque and he was buried the same day, covered in a white fabric. Properly to his religion." Louis informs me and tears form inside my eyes again.

I look back at him. I feel so much respect for him and I am in awe.

"Why did you do that? Spend all that money? You didn't need to." I say as the tears come rushing down. It settles a surprising ease on my chest, knowing he is passed away with his religions blessing. I hope his soul is at peace. He comes to me sometimes but I doubt thats him. Its my fucked my mind.

"I saw how upset you were. I wanted to help you. Never got a chance to tell you." He admits and a small smile creeps on his lips. I leave him and walk to Zayn's grave. Months have passed until he died and the dirt over his grave is not new like Jack's.

I look around me and every grave has a flower, a fabric, signs of visitors. Zayn's has none. Maybe I am his first visitor. Not minding my outfit, I sit on the dirt beside his grave. This is not a pretty or well kept grave yard, its dirty and old. Zayn's gravestone is as thick as my palm and its engraved beautifully.

Louis had no profit doing that. He has gone out his way for me. To make me happy. I look at him and he has his hands clasped before him, waiting patiently.

"Zayn?" I say as if he could hear me as I touch the dirt thats separating us. I am glad he lies there in peace even though he was murdered. Liam injected him that heroine and I hate him for that. On the other hand, I am kinda glad I was with him in his last moments. Even though, it fucked me up pretty bad, I wouldn't want him to be alone.

"I made it out Zayn. I have money in the bank." I feel obligated to tell him. We were all broke so I think he deserves to know, as if it would make him happy.

"Me and Harry broke up. I wish you were with me. You would console me and give me wise words of advice and I need that so much. I need to stay in your house, lay in your bed after I insist I can stay on the couch, have you get me drunk every night and laugh, talk and forget Harry. You are gone-" the crying overwhelms me and I need to stop to take a breathe "and I have no one. I made Harry left and all I have is Rose now Zayn. I need you so much. I love and you miss you brother. I love you so much." I say as I sob and my tears make a small circle of damp soil in front of me. The crying makes my shoulders shudder with every sob.

Louis has to come to me and makes me hold his hands after some time. He helps me up to my feet and continues to walk me down, further into the graveyard.

"One last person." He says as he stops once again, in front of a grave. I know who it is as I walk up to it. He has no gravestone like Zayn, instead he has his name engraved on the side, small but noticeable. 'Liam James Payne 1993-2014'. He has no kind words and he looks as of his grave has been alone too.

"I can't. I promised myself not to visit him. My last words to him was that I will never care for him." I back away but Louis grabs my wrists and holds me put.

"You don't have to care for him. Tell him goodbye and leave all this behind. If you don't get your anger out now, you never will." Louis tells me and I guess I should let it go and put all this behind me. Louis walks away when I look at him telling him I am ready.

At first I don't know what to do. I feel like I should have a few words of kindness. I don't but then I realize I do.

"I wish you haven't turned into that mad asshole. I miss the old Liam. What happened?" Thats the kindest I can go. It feels as if I hadn't taken his life. I feel as if he just kinda went away.