Troubled [h.s.]

32

I take Harry's hand into mine while we continue to sit by the wall. We don't talk, letting the silence fill the room and calm both of us.

"One day, I promise you I will genuinely be happy. It may not happen tomorrow, it may not even happen next month, but it will happen. Sadness does not last forever. And I know how tired you are of hearing these things and it not getting better, but you have to give it time. When you break your leg, you don't jump on it to see if its healed. You wait until its healed. There's nothing in this world you can't handle, unless, of course you tell yourself you can't." I squeeze his hand but he does not respond in any way. Silence continues.

"I know okay! I know I have been giving you crap for the last few months. I know I have been the worst girlfriend, let alone worst person to be around. I can't deal with it. I still can't! I can't handle Zayn being dead because of Liam and I can't get me, killing Liam out of my head! I can't do it!" I lightly scream at Harry. He does not show any emotion as he turns slowly to me.

"There is nothing in this world you can't handle, unless, of course you tell yourself you can't. Remember?" He says to me, my exact words. Its kinda annoying. His face is in this twisted expression, like he is broken inside in some way. I know you are hurt but stop being a bitch.

I shouldn't think like that!

"Harry... Please... Don't do this to me." I lean in to kiss him but he backs away and stands up. Him backing away from me, stings on my chest like a motherfucker.

"WHAT?! Don't do what?! Not talk to you for a month!! Get stuck in my own mind! Ignore you everyday like you don't exist! Then suddenly come to life like that, fuck you many times then just leave. Giving you hope then demolishing it back again! Drinking with other girls at bars! Have you pick after me?! Is that what I shouldn't do!! Because you just didn't give me crap, you gave me hell for the last few months and I am still here! I am still fucking here and you are just lying. You are high and drunk! You will go out tomorrow while I send Rose to school then go to work! I am done! I am so fucking done with your shit." Harry yells as tears roam down my face. He is furious as he slams the door behind him and walks out.

I continue to sit in the dark and silence, a hand over my chest and tears now, covering every inch of my face. My heart physically hurts so much that I need to put my hand over it and press it down.

Everything Zayn said earlier about him leaving fills my mind and the pain continues out to my stomach. Its too much. This hurts more than anything. More than Zayn dying inside my arms. More than the fact that I killed Liam. This hurts too much to handle.

I need to make it stop.

That is the only thought in my mind as I get out of this room and starts running to our original room. I try to be as quite as possible but how can a crying, squeaking and dumb founded girl be quite?

I reach our room and I split the door open to have a peek when the light hits a huge bump on my bed. I take a breathe of relief as I take a step in but stop when I hear a sound.

"You don't understand Haz." Its Rose, lying beside Harry on my bed. I take a step back and slowly close the door so even if they look back at it, they won't see me.

"Zayn and Liam were the closest thing she had to a family. It has been like that for years now. We lost our parents before and Zayn and Liam dying makes her feel like she lost her parents again. You have to understand the fact that, when our parents died, a light in Sky broke. She never got over it. Now, having them die too, drives her crazy because it brings back her memories with mommy and daddy and all the feelings she ignored and didn't get through. I have known her all my life and maybe, we were not together all the time but she has a huge heart. She may not admit it but once you have a place in that heart, big or small, she can't handle you leaving and making a hole in it. She doesn't know how to handle loss and you leaving her too, is too bad." I am speechless because by every word she speaks, my inside churns but also, its true.

"How did you know I left her and came here to check on you?" Harry speaks and his voice makes my eyes go wide and sprays cold water onto my burning soul.

"I heard you guys shouting. It woke me up." Rose responds "Also, you were limping." she giggles lightly.

I see Harry leave her a kiss, mess her hair on her head, tuck her in and get off the bed.

I quickly back away and jog to the room I was in before. I am panting when I close the door behind me.