Troubled [h.s.]

20

I put my elbows on my thighs and take my forehead onto my finger tips, massaging gently. Harry paces on the other side of the bed, while I try to relieve my head ache.

"Talk to me Skyler." Harry blurts, shitting himself. Me on the other hand, am extremely calm. Thats what happens with Harry. Its like the silence before a storm. It takes me awhile to digest everything and until that point, I can't function properly so I am calm and collected but when that point hits me its doom time. If someone does not bring it up or poke in a sensitive spot, I will have an explosion inside, which leads to me considering my morals, my wishes, my promises but if someone keeps bringing it up, its like an actual explosion. I can't control anything at that point. After that, comes depression. Becoming hateful at life, getting that feeling of being fucked over settle in my lungs. Then comes acceptance and from last time, forgiveness. Not this time probably.

"What do you want me to say? I have nothing to say. I am going to leave Harry." I get up from the bed and grab the dress from the floor. I am about to march to the door when Harry blocks me. His hair is messed up, eyes have bags under it and he just looks full of shit.

"Lets talk this out." He demands and stops me from going out. I can't believe it at this point. He says Jesse kissed him and he felt nothing then out of nowhere he falls asleep and wakes up with a letter for her in his pocket.

"Harry- what is there to talk about?" I push him so he gets out the way but he does not. I don't want to see him any longer. I am pissed at myself more then him. I trust him over and over again after he proves me wrong every time.

"I'll kick my way out of this room if I have to. Get out of my way." I warn him but he does not give in. I grunt so he knows how mad I am. I don't want to deal with anything at the moment.

I want to go back to my room, be alone and not freak out. Honestly, it just hurts to see this and see him lie to my face.

"Skyler! Its not what you think. Read it. Please just read it." Harry hands me the envelope. When I don't take it, he slams it into my hand and closes my fingers over it so I am holding it no matter what.

"Please. Just read it." He says, lowering his voice and calming down. I look down, not knowing what to say. We were making out, moving on from this Jesse situation when a letter to her fell out of his pocket. What am I spoused to think?

"I'll give you some space." Harry nods and slowly walks out the room. Wearing his fancy clothes for our date which are pretty wrinkled by now.

I sit on the edge of the bed, not knowing what to do. I have the envelope in my hand, wrinkled but firm and my gut telling me to flush it down the toilet.

If it was a love letter, Harry wound't have handed it over so fast.

Curiosity gets the best of me and I open the god damn thing and take the hand written letter into my hands.

Dear Jesse,

Writing to you seems very weird. I have done it a couple of times before but those times were different, never like this one.

When we came across a few days back, I noticed every single change about you. It was close to morning, very little light sources in the scene but your every detail was explicit.

Let me tell you Jess, you have grown and you have evolved. Your hair is longer then its ever been, your face holds a purpose and your movements are more collected. I see everything and I notice everything and it simply does not hurt anymore. It feels so good to say that.

Seeing you become more beautiful, more intelligent and more elegant simply does not hurt me anymore Jess.

Do you know what we had? What I thought we had was true love. I thought, you were going to be my wife and we were going to have kids and live in New York together. Then you proved me wrong, simply told me there was no plans for us in the future and you ripped me off. And it hurt like fucking hell. Looking back at it, thank you.