Troubled [h.s.]

31

Harry's POV

This is getting out of hand. Today is the 15th of September, 4:31 am. I just carried Sky on my shoulder back to Jack's. She had been drinking out alone, at a messy bar that sells 2 dollar wine that can kill dogs.

She was wasted the whole week. At first, I was happy about it. She started eating, talking, non stop actually and she was this sex-addict. Not that I am complaining. We would fuck all night but something was off. It was never like the old times. I thought that it was because she was tired or her mind was busy but she does not think at all these days.

Earlier on, it was passionate and intense. Now, its like she is masturbating with my body. She never screams 'I love you' as she comes nor holds me kisses as I come done in her.

Besides the times we have sex or even during, she is drinking. Her whiskey in hand, always bottoms up. She does not even become sober after sleeping. She also started doing pot. It makes her giggly at first but then she gets serious and starts saying these awful things about what happened in the last 6 months. Her voice sounds broken but she never cries. She then drinks on it and she is such a sloppy drunk.

Yesterday night, she went drinking alone without telling me then called me, saying she found some cocaine on the girls bathroom. I told her not to take it when I heard a sniff. She did take it. I rushed over and she was passed out in the girls bathroom floor. I shat my pants. After she puked all over the floor, I brought her back here.

Rose is sleeping in our room so I asked Jack to get another one and he gave us this one window room.

"Do you think I can drink, have sex, and smoke pot at the same time? That would feel good right?" She asks with a stuffed nose and red eyes, sitting at the edge of the two person bed, looking out the window.

"Yes." I mumble as I take her shoes off. She smiles, then her smile fades and she starts fiddling with her nails. She tends to do that when she is sad.

"Sky? Never do cocaine again okay? Please." I plea as I pull her shorts down. She does not look at my face and continues to fiddle with her nails.

I remover her shirt also and throw them to a pile, putting her in a big shirt. She sings out a song that I can't tell while I do so.

"At seventeen... the hardest choice you should have to make is what clothes you want to wear..." she clears her throat and I stop what I am doing to listen to her "or what food you want to eat; not sitting at the edge of your bed at four in the morning considering whether or not your existence matters in this world." she dozes off the a corner on the wall.

I loose air. The idea of loosing her forever sinks into my skin as it starts to ache. My throat goes dry and I don't want to do.

"Sky, baby." I sit in front of her on the bed and take her hands into mine, staring into her piercing blue eyes.

"Why would you ever think that? Baby, I know. Baby girl I know you are suffering. I know its hard because shit, life is never easy. If it was easy, it would never be worth it. But, the thing about this life is that its only once. I may not be a priest but I know this; this life is all we got and we are not coming back, going back nor having it easy. It has to be hard to teach you. To develop you into something bigger, something better. Life brakes you and bends you, hopefully into a better shape." I kiss her hands as she smiles and takes a breathe.

"Charles Dickens." she says the writer of the last sentence of what I said. I smile too because it was something we used to do before we started dating. We would say quotes and have a mini competition of who was going to get the author. We were both book nerds a bitt.

"Baby just know that I love you. I love you with all my fucked up, piece of shit heart. I don't know about the rest of the world but you are my world and I love you so fucking much. Don't ever say anything like that ever again ok? Because if you died, my world would tumble upon me and swallow me alive. You are my everything baby girl. Why do you think I am here after all anyways? Seeing you like this breaks my heart. What happened to us baby? We were, you were so perfect. I know you're not fine at the moment and I am doing my best to keep us going. I am taking care of you, taking care of Rose, working, paying the bills. All because I love Sky. Can we please try moving forward from this?" I look into her eyes as they water. I meant everything I just said.

She looks away again.

"What happened to us?" She asks to me. She then stares right into my eyes.

"You are lighting and I am thunder, the timing is always slightly off."

Her words nest on my chest. It hangs heavy on me. After confessing my undying love for her, she says this. It hurts.

I get on my feet and let her hands go. She gets surprised but does not respond.

"You should sleep." I say and it comes out cold. She doesn't notice my tone and she tucks herself in without any worry. She then turns to other way from me while I stay standing, staring at her.

Sky's POV

I know Harry is watching me. I can't care less. I am also very very high. So, I can't possibly care even if I want to.

I know I hurt him with what I said. I know it sucks to be the one trying to stick the other one together. He will fail though. We will never end up together. Might as well, ease him to the idea that I am not that lovable so it will bite him less when we do split.

I close my eyes and Zayn pops up. He always does that just when I am almost falling asleep so we can have our daily conversation.

"Hey." I say as he sits in front of me in this white world, we always meet in. I don't know why but since he died, he comes to be when I am in this lucid state and we have a chat.

"You are doing wrong." he answers back. I know he is talking about Harry. I always know what he is thinking.

"Are you sure you have the balls to see him with another girl? Can you even begin to imagine him hugging another chick? Kissing her, telling her he loves him and her saying it back? Can you picture him taking his clothes off for another girl? Doing all of these sexual things with her and wrapping his arms around her and her running her hands down his body? Are you ready for that? Or did picturing all that ruin your day? Take care of Harry before he leaves and finds the girl he is looking for." Zayn yells at my face. I feel my stomach turn in the bed.

"You loved him so hard that you forgot to hate yourself. You even began to get out of bed early instead of not at all to see his beautiful face. You were so busy loving him, you didn't even notice all the wilted flowers inside of you starting to grow back. That you were so caught up in impressing him that you finally cleaned up your mess of a life and maybe it wasn't spotless but it was still enough. You stopped slumping your shoulders and started looking people in the eye. He made you want to get better and you did get better. His touch made you feel things you haven't been able to feel in a very long time. you loved him so much that you fell in love with yourself." Zayn whispers and vanishes.

I jolt my eyes open and all I can think is his words. He is so right. He is so fucking right.

Memories of me and Harry falling in love combust in my head. Us at the shooting range, arguing over our music taste but still enjoying each others music secretly. Us dancing to Ed Sheeran. Sloppy breakfasts we had at the pier, not paying attention to everything but each other. Us having sex, screaming each others name in the name of love. Us bickering at the middle of the night over anything then giving up when we can't reach anywhere to not get the other one hurt. Or us, kissing, kissing so much our lips burn.

I get out of bed and realize Harry is sitting on the floor, by the wall, his head in his hands.

I sit beside him and he jumps by my touch. He looks surprised at me being up.

"I love you." I whisper as I leave a soft kiss on his cheek.