Troubled [h.s.]

59

I race out the hotel, still crying. I start to run, run as fast as I can. I need to clear my mind, sober up fully and get my shit together. Fast. I can't relapse again and break down, zone out and get in my head. Not this time. I deserve better.

I run towards uptown and continue to run until every thought in my mind has disappeared and my energy is only focused on my legs, not on thinking.

I cry too. My tears reach my ears from the wind hitting my face but I don't mind. I just keep running, full force. Its just six am and the sun is rising, streets empty and its quiet exquisite.

The sky gives birth to this red ball then it calms and transforms into orange, painting the sky a gorgeous pink. That fades in time and there is the yellow ball, shinning up at me, as if lighting the dark corners of my body.

I stop running when I reach the Harlem. I ran all the way up Central Park and through the Historical District.

The Harlem looks nice, I guess. It looks like the neighborhoods I live in back at Seattle. Oh god Seattle! Rose!

I take out my phone and dial her number. It rings three times until she picks up.

"Sky?" Her voice is blunt, lifeless. What happened to my happy baby?

"Rose how are you? I am sorry baby I couldn't call. I was so busy lately." My voice is hoarse from yelling and my throat hurts. It doesn't sound drunk though and I have to thank running for that.

The earlier smell of grass and fresh air disappears as I enter further more into the Harlem and start to jog.

"I am good. Just had breakfast. About to go out with Rana." She says and I almost choke on my saliva.

"You what?!" I scream and two guys from across the street turn towards me. I put my hand up as in its fine and they go on with their day as I jog past them.

"I work too Sky you know. I am not a baby anymore. I am almost eleven." She sounds so stupid. She is only ten years old. Thinking of what I did when I was ten sounds to little next to her. I was ten when our parents died and I spent that years mostly crying, not doing whatever she is doing.

"Your birthday is- what a month away?" I say as I make a right go into this darker street. I admire the street art. The graffiti is spectacular. The wolf on the wall looks like it can walk towards me.

"Yeah Sky, are you running?" She asks. She sounds like a grown women, not my baby who played with her iPad and waited for me when I was gone. Maybe puberty? So early?!

"Yeah baby, what are you doing? Working?" I try to keep my mind busy as I make a left.

"Rana does Henna. She is teaching me." I let out a breathe. I was sure she wasn't doing what I assumed she was doing but still.

"Thats great baby. You don't need to work if you don't want to anymore." I say. We don't need money, not now.

"I do want to Sky." She says and I hear talking behind her. She needs a new phone, this ones crap.

"Look, I don't know how much I am gonna stay in New York. Do you want me to get you? We can fly to New York back." I say as I make another left and see a pair of shoes tied to the cables across two roofs. Drugs. Thats an indication of drugs. Oh god. No. I need to walk away. Wait. I have money. I can buy white heroin. Thats the first class shit. Its like powder and one snort and you are gone for six hours. I had a friend who said he found god when he was on that shit.

Walk away Sky.

"I am good here. How is Harry?" Rose's voice and the mention of Harry makes the hair on my body rise. I gulp and jog out of that street.