Broken String

CLXIII

"I never knew standing up while peeing was such an accomplishment." he jokes, two minutes later once he's lowered himself on the edge of the bed again and waits for the last of the knives to fade. Safe. Sound. He's made it.
Brett grins.
"It's one way not to get stuck sitting down, I guess. So. Um. What did John say?"
Eddy looks up in surprise and searches his love's deadpan face. Sure, Brett is being all innocent and neutral like, but Eddy heard the tension behind the innocent question very clearly, and he also remembers the look he was shot earlier. He gets it now. He's seen insecure Brett just minutes ago.
Oh, what a privilege that it's him of all people who gets to see that.
"Um. He said... well, I guess the biggest thing is something Ian said yesterday and John... well, he's good at putting things into perspective for me, you know that." He takes a deep breath as the emotions come and wash over him, almost pulling him under again but no, no. He's stronger than that now. He's moving beyond this now. "Um. It's that I think that I'd been doing it all to prove to my mum... you know. Pushing myself too hard. And he said that there's more things to life than just being a soloist. That it has its downs. I'd never seen it like that, I've been so focused just on that."

He is quiet for a long moment, watching his love's face again as the thoughts and emotions flit over it, only to get filed away neatly behind the deadpan facade he's perfected over the years.
"Wow. And... was there a conclusion?" Brett asks too quietly.
"That I want my path to be with you." Eddy answers before he has the millisecond to realise it's actually a stupid thing to say. Shock floods him hard because wait. Shit. He may feel that way but Brett still has a chance, right? He's on his way to an honour's degree, right? He could still get there? Be a soloist, travel the world? And he can't stop him, he never would. So he frantically searches his brain for a way to backtrack his words but he's frozen until Brett's sharp intake of breath lets him go.
"I want that too." he says gently. 

Another shock, another freeze. Elation that he can't show because he doesn't want to force him. He can't tell him, right, that this is the best news he's received yet, better even than 'you'll walk again'?
"I want to go for a walk." he says instead, because he knows his eyes will be doing all the talking for him anyway. 
Brett stills.
"Um..."
"I know. It's ambitious. But I want to."
It's impressive really, how quickly he recovers, how quickly the shutters close over the shock, how he nods to himself and gets up to get the chair. 
"Okay. Sure. Park?" he asks. 
"Sure."

Hot, so hot, always hot. Sure, he likes the sun fine but isn't it a bit of overkill, this spring? His forehead starts to moisten as they move quickly along the pavement, the stones underneath doing nothing but radiate the heat back up at them. He's already regretting wearing jeans, even though he remembers full well why he put them on.
To celebrate that he can. 
The black t-shirt may have been a mistake, though.
Maybe the beach will be an option soon?
"So, how do you want to do this?" Brett gentle, sweet voice comes as soon as they hit the first gravel path. 
"Just... I don't know. Start at the bench? I can hold onto it while I get used to it?"
"It. To the pain." Brett mumbles so softly that Eddy is not sure it was even meant to reach his ears. He reaches over though and puts his hand over Brett's on the handle. 
"It'll fade, Bretty. Trust me. I'm okay."
"Promise?"
"I do. Honest."