Broken String

CLXII

They lie there for forever, snuggling, basking. The world is different, now, like a huge weight that has been pressing down on him for weeks has lifted. 
Actually, has it really been only weeks? 
"My hand had been sore for a while." Eddy admits suddenly in an urgent whisper. "I'd been ignoring it."
"Oh yeah?" 
Eddy nods against the chest he's lying on. God, he's lovely. His skin is beautiful, silky smooth, and a few hairs grow, just beyond his nose. He moves so he can kiss them. 
"How long for?" Something in Brett tone changes from calm to tense and he feels the little ripple that goes through his love's chest.
"Weeks. I don't know." Eddy shrugs quietly. "I'd been ignoring it. I think I'd been ignoring a lot of things. I know I was an idiot."
"No." Brett says, turning very suddenly, the word almost harsh. "You weren't, Eddy. You were in a bad place. That's not on you, it happened to you, not because of you."
"It got me you, though." Eddy smiles through the sting. He's right, of course he's right. But that's easy to understand and hard to feel.  
"It did." His love kisses his hair and tightens his hold on him, his hand splayed over Eddy's side. "God, I'm so grateful for that bit. Is that very terrible of me?"
"No!" Eddy raises his head and now it's his turn to be stern. "Are you kidding me? No! I'm grateful for that too. It was worth it."

A shy, shy smile. A new smile, the one that he never thought he'd see. 
"I'm so glad. Um. I've never had this much to lose." Brett whispers then, like he's confessing a deep, dark secret.
And maybe he is. Maybe he was always softer than Eddy knew, always more insecure than he ever thought. He's the strongest man he knows. Now he knows the other side and it makes him love him more. 
"You'll never lose me." Eddy states before any more tension can ripple through his boyfriend. "Never, I promise. I'm all in."
He can see how Brett's face relaxes, he can see how his eyes start shining, he sees the ironic wiggle of the eyebrows before the comment even comes. A smile starts spreading on Eddy's face before the joke begins.
"I was all in, not long ago."
He grins deeply. Freely in fact, so freely now. They're safe, you see.  
"Good." he whispers. "You need to be there again soon. But now I have to take a piss."
"Okay." Brett gets up smoothly and shoots into his boxer shorts, then walks around the bed, ready to do what they've been doing for weeks.
"No. Imma try to get up myself. Can you just... spot me?"
"Oh! Um. Yes. Hand?"
Eddy shakes his head. He's already sitting up and slipping on his own underwear. 
"I want to try."
His hands are on the bed on either side of his hips. He knows what putting weight on them will do and for a second he baulks. But no. 
No, no. 
No more baulking. He pushes and stands up. 
"Ow." he bites as the daggers pull through him. No, not daggers. Naff Swiss army knives. It makes him smile as the pain starts fading. 
"Something funny?"
"I'll tell you later." he says through clenched teeth. He takes Brett's hand now and he steps. Step, close, step, close, and the knives fade more. They aren't real, you see, he knows that now. They were, maybe, but not anymore. He takes a deep breath and takes a step, then another, normal step, and another. The door is closed, his free hand opens it and he steps into the hallway. Another few steps and he's there. 
"Last time I tried this I got stuck." he says sheepishly as he opens the toilet seat. 
"I'm here this time."
Eddy nods. 
"Yeah."
No need for words, Brett just leaves, closes the door behind him and for a moment Eddy contemplates sitting down. 
"Fuck it." he whispers then, and remains standing.