Broken String

CXXV

It's so, so different from the other night. There was so much tension, then, and tonight there is none of that, there is just softness, sweetness. 
He's been on dates before, of course he has. Mostly they've been him staring awkwardly anywhere but the girl while she chatted his ear off about stuff that he had zero interest in. But now, with Brett telling him about this modern piece he heard the other day and wants to learn, now, with them being comfortably quiet as they dunk meat and vegetables into fragrant broth? 
It's never been like this. He smiles across the table and hopes Brett feels the same. 
Because he can't, you see, he knows that now. He can't ask, not ever, whether he does. He can't tell him that he's in this for the long run.
He can't tell him that he's in this for life. 
Right now, if Brett were to turn away from him he would be shattered, but there would be hope to salvage something, at least, to maybe have some sort of a life. But once he tells him?
All hope would be lost. 
It would kill him quicker than any illness could.
Eddy shakes his head to rid himself of thoughts of unending chasms when Brett's thumb rubs softly over his hand.
"Hey. You worried?"
He looks up and smiles. 
"Yeah. Sorry."
I mean, it's not a lie, right? Even though he knows that's not what Brett means? And even if he could tell him the truth he doesn't want to. He wants to sit here, eat hotpot, and hopefully be taken home and... well, you know. He closes his eyes for just a moment. 
"You haven't heard from them, right?" Brett asks.
There's no need for him to specify who they are, of course. In fact, there's really no need to ask the question at all. If any doctors called it would take minutes before the whole house knew.
"I would tell you." he says kindly. 
Another rub, but this time from Eddy. 
"So I guess we wait."
Brett nods. 
"We wait and eat hotpot. It's great, here. Lily can give you recommendations any time."
"You're right." Eddy smiles. "Can we get ice cream after, from the nice place?"
"You're calling the shots tonight." Brett says soberly, and Eddy chuckles. 
It's true, he is and he has. He feels that new confidence run through his veins and it drives out some of the worry.
"True, true. Right. So after I'm taking you to an undisclosed location you have no hope at all of guessing. You'll still have to push me, though, so I hope that still counts as taking you."
Brett's laugh peals through their corner.
"Definitely counts."
"Cool."

See, this is something no girl has ever managed. He's never been comfortable before. He smiles and picks up a piece of broccoli even though he's full already and Brett has stopped eating a while back. The street outside has darkened, with the occasional passerby peering in at them. A couple walks past, hand in hand, she young and blonde, he a little older and much, much taller. She looks up at him adoringly and he smiles again. 
You know what, maybe they do have a chance? I mean, he's not run away screaming yet, right, even though he's seen him at his absolute worst?
Or maybe because of it? 
He shakes his head again. Look. Tomorrow is a new day. Tonight he is on a date with the best guy in the world.
"So, that piece, is that an American composer?" he asks.
"Yeah. Still alive, I think. I'd have to buy the music."
Eddy grins. 
"Sucks to be you. Anyway. Wanna get out of here and to the undisclosed location?"
"Absolutely. Want me to go pay?"
"Yeah, take my card though."
I mean, look. He could make the waiter come here and be awkward about it. Why would he, though, just to give the impression he's paying? He doesn't give a shit what any waiter thinks. He watches Brett's back as he makes his way through narrow paths to the counter. God, he looks good. The shape of his back, his jeans loose around his bum...
God, he wants to run his hands over both. 
Eddy bites his lip and turns away before he'll need his jacket to cover him again.