Broken String

LXIV

The rap on the door is soft but urgent enough to make Todd bolt upright. He glances to his left. Ian is fast asleep. He gets up on the double and tiptoes to the door to keep it that way, opening it and slipping into the hallway. A frazzled Brett looks up at him miserably.  
"Brett. Jesus. Are you okay?"
"No. Can we talk?"
Todd's heart beats an insistent staccato as he nods automatically and drags Brett towards the living room. Oh sweet Jesus. Brett is half crying, clearly distraught, and so, so pale in the light he turns on that he wonders if he's sick or just upset.
"Outside." Brett hisses, and now it's Brett dragging him, instead of the other way around. There's a little landing, right outside their front door, and it has an old IKEA chair in it that nobody's ever thought to throw away. Brett sinks down into it and buries his face in his hands. 
"Okay, so talk to me." Todd says softly, after a beat.
"Where you asleep?"
Todd almost scoffs. Who fucking cares if he was asleep?
"No, not really. But it doesn't matter if I was, you can always talk to me. What's happening?"
Brett's eyes fill with tears, he swipes angrily at the one that overflows. 
"I'm so confused."

And that's it, Todd sees him. He knows this moment, after all. He's seen it so often, once upon a time in himself, in countless others since then. And still his heart stops for a moment.
Oh my God.  
"You have feelings for him." he states then, once his heart starts up again, once he can breathe the shock away. Brett looks up at him, tears streaking his cheeks. Then he nods with the weight of universes.
"Maybe. I don't know." He sobs quietly. "I don't know, Toddy. I don't know."
"Bro..."
He crouches down beside him and puts his hand on Brett's shoulder, just like in the hallway yesterday at the con.
"You don't know?" he asks.
Brett shakes his head.
"I'm so confused. I see him differently, now. I... you now, I've slept beside him a thousand times, but if feels different, suddenly. I want to be around him. But maybe that's just because he needs me?"
Todd blinks and gropes around for the right words.
"You've never had feelings for a guy, right?"
Brett shakes his head.
"How long has this been going on?"
"I don't know." Brett whispers. "I don't know, maybe even before? It's... snuck up on me."
"Mate..." Todd says. "But... you know it's fine, right?"
"What do you mean it's fine?" Brett hisses suddenly, crescendo molto, startling him, his eyes spitting fire. "You mean having gay feelings? Sure. I don't give a fuck about that. But surely you see how much potential this has for becoming a monumental fuck up?"
Todd lets himself slide down to the ground before his knees give way and crosses his legs. Yeah, he knows the floor is never cleaned, here. Right now he couldn't care less.
Oh, my God. 
"Yeah. I mean. I see that. But are you sure... you know, that he doesn't feel anything for you?"
Brett shakes his head again and swipes at another tear. God, he looks so defeated. So small. How Todd wishes he could fix this for him. But he can help, at least. He came to him, at least.
"Pretty sure." Brett says quietly. "You know, I wanted to kiss him, earlier. So fucking stupid. Who comes up with an idea like that? He's my best friend. How can I betray his trust like that?"
"You... you made him come, right?"
Brett's eyes open wide.
"What the... you heard that?"
"No." Todd shakes his head. "I could see it yesterday when we talked. It... something like that changes things, I guess."
"I did it for him. I promise." Brett whispers. "I didn't know it would... have the impact on me that it did."
"Sex kinda does that to people."
"It wasn't meant to be sex."
Todd smiles and squeezes the shoulder he's still holding.
"I don't know if that's an option."