Broken String

CV

They are quiet for the longest moment, stilled in suspended animation. The sunlight must be floating over the floor behind him but he's not paying it any heed today, facing her with his back turned towards the sunlight, staring at her as she sits quietly and looks down at her hands, folded forcefully in her lap.
"Lily. Finally?" he presses, and at last she looks at up at him and nods.
"Yeah. Fuck it. Okay. Look, Eddy. When we met, at school, a million years ago I... I had a crush on you, I don't know if you ever knew that. I never told anyone that. But you met Brett around that time and I just knew there was no way we were ever..."
She sighs softly, still not looking at him, her hands wringing together like she's not even here, but right back there in that schoolyard where they used to sit on the far bench. "You know. But then you and him didn't get together, you just became... what you've always been. And we became what we have always been, and I love that, obviously those feelings faded and I knew quickly that we would never have been right anyway."
She looks up at him now, and he would look away but he can't because he is a stalagmite now and he will never, ever move from this position on the couch again. She nods gently, her eyes wide and the darkest of maroon.
"But I guess I never..." she continues quietly. "I don't know. I figured maybe I had been wrong about you and him but I just never felt that I knew the whole story. Or maybe that you knew the whole story."
"Whoa." Eddy breathes. This is possibly the longest monologue he's ever heard from her. It's certainly the biggest thing she's ever admitted to him, maybe with the exception of being pregnant. She had a crush on him? Since when? How did he never know about that? She thought he... and Brett... how did she see that?
"I never knew." he admits.
She smiles.
"Good. You didn't need to, it's ancient history. But now you're... wow. You and Brett. What's the story?"
Eddy shrugs.
"I don't know, Lils. I don't think anyone knows. We're... I don't know. But stuff is happening."
"What does he say?"
Eddy smiles.
"Nothing much. It's what he does."
"Whoa. It's what he does?"
The memories pull through him. The shower, the couch. Oh, the couch. He smiles and nods.
"Yeah. And then yesterday, John helped me realise. You know. How I feel."
"This happened only yesterday?" Her deep, brown eyes look up at him through thick lashes, soulful like a doe's, kind like Lily. "So now what?"
He shrugs again.
"I don't know. I'm scared, though. Once the initial rush wore off I started realising what I stand to lose."
"Because?"
"Because... why not? It scares me shitless. What if he doesn't want me any more?" His voice diminuendos down to almost nothing as he spills every gut he would ever protect. "It would k... well, I won't say what it would do to me, because there is a child on me."
Edlyn, who has been stiller than he's ever seen her, looks back at him just then and smoothly slides off his lap. The spell is fully broken now, clearly, and she scuttles away, back to the table, and picks up the book Lily gave her.
"Oh, Eddy." Lily says. "You don't believe that he would..."
"I don't know." he interrupts quietly. Because these are his fears, you see, these are his deepest, darkest fears now, new fears he never knew could exist before. "He's never been with anyone... you know, for more than a short while. Will I be like that, if we make it... official? If he even wants to be official at all?"
"So it's not official now?"
"No. He says we'll talk when I'm better."
She nods thoughtfully.
"I can see that. Is that what you want as well?"
Eddy stops in his tracks. Wait. Actually. He hasn't even thought of what he wants yet. Is it?
"Um. I want both, I think. I want to scream it to him, I want him to say he likes me too. But I want... no. I want to stay here, just for a bit, as well. Because... John said we're not even now, you know? The balance has tipped. And he's right. So... I guess I think it's good."
And actually, he does.
Whoa. He actually does. It's an eye-opener.
She nods again. Her face is calm now, sweet, almost pale. The face he's seen a million times, so caring.
She was always caring.
"Okay. Then you have your answer. So are you going to stop worrying? Surely he has as much to lose as you do?"
"I..." Eddy blinks as her words sink in. "I guess I hadn't seen it that way yet."
"Of course you hadn't. You never see yourself for how great you are. You should try to, maybe, one day."

I mean, what does one say to something like that? What does one do, other than sitting and staring like an idiot?
"Um. Thanks."
"It wasn't even a compliment, it was just some friendly advice." she says with a grin.
"Well, I'll take it as one anyway, if you don't mind."
Her face breaks out in a sweet, ironic smile.
"Okay. I can live with that, I guess."