Broken String

LXXVII

Todd has slept maybe two hours when the alarm clock drags him out of fitful dreams. Ian's sweet voice rises through the shards of fit and begins to lift him.
"Hey. Good morning." 
"Hmm."
"Whoa, you good? Jesus, Toddy, you look like crap! You sick?"
Todd opens his eyes now and tries to smile at his love, there beside him in the bed, looking cute with his hair sticking up all over the place, soothing him even though he doesn't know he's doing it.
"No. I'm okay, just couldn't sleep."
It's not a lie, really. It's an omission. A necessary omission, because Todd knows very well that what was said last night in the hallway was between him and Brett. And maybe God, if there is such a thing. If Brett wants Ian to know how he feels it's his own place to say. So he smiles again.
"God, I really should learn not to drink coffee at night. Anyway. Let's get up, hey? Rehearsal today."

Rehearsal today.
He said it innocently enough but the words are echoing around his head. Because it's true, of course, they do have rehearsal today in the afternoon, for the Sibelius with Frank, but in this house that's by far not the biggest thing that's happening today as both of them know very well. It's also not why they're getting up so early. 
They're getting up early because it's scan today and he wants to make the boys breakfast before. 
They'll be getting some answers too, finally, hopefully, maybe not today but at least soon. 
Todd sighs and swings his legs over the side of the bed. Today is going to suck. He has a vague headache, courtesy of the short night, the worrying, and probably indeed the coffee he drank after dinner. He'll need some more now to get him going. 
And bacon. What everyone needs now is coffee, and some bacon. 

"Todd, you're spoiling us."
Brett's voice sounds completely normal as he turns up behind him with Eddy, like they didn't just have a heart to heart in the hallway in the middle of the night, like he didn't have to run off straight after to comfort Eddy out of some distress or other. He never saw Brett again last night. He has no idea what actually happened, but both boys are looking... okay.
Well, okay-ish.
"Of course. I'm all on board with your weight-gain plan, you know that, Bretty Bang." he quips.
Brett grins and shakes his head as he walks forward to get a plate.
"You take plates and cutlery and sit, I'll bring the food in one minute." Todd tells him.
His eyes are searching Brett's face for clues, but there are none. He's just the same lovable, goofy guy he always is. So he can't ask. Eddy is right there. But surely if they're both here looking normal they're okay, right?
Something relaxes in Todd and he takes a deep breath as he slides the whisked eggs that have been waiting in the bowl into the hot pan. 

"Good luck, guys." he says half an hour later, the bacon and eggs all vanished into hungry mouths. Good job he did get up, really. Because what else is he going to do to help? "Um. I hope it goes well."
Eddy has been quiet throughout breakfast and he's so very, very pale Todd can almost see through him. Not that he can blame him for being pale. I mean, what do you say to someone who's whole life might be about to change? Might be over, in fact? Have fun?
"Thanks, Todd." Brett says as he ties his shoelace. 
"Yeah." Eddy adds. 
Todd steps forward and puts his hand on Eddy's shoulder for just a second. He hopes it'll tell him the words he can't say. 
I'll be thinking of you. 
I'm worried. 

He sighs as the door closes behind both boys. He turns around to start cleaning up, but before he can there are two strong arms around him and a soft mouth against his cheek.
"They'll be okay, Toddy. I have a good feeling about this."
"You do?"
Ian nods against his zygomatic bone. 
"I can't explain why. It just... it doesn't feel like he's... done. You know?"
Todd sighs again and dissolves into the hug, the last shards of fit melting into the ether as if they never even existed at all.
"God, I hope you're right. You'll be able to get a new job as health diviner."
Ian grins and kisses his curls. 
"I don't need a new career. I'm a violist. Unlike you lot I'll always have orchestra work."
That's it, he's letting him go and he tickles his sides until Ian jumps back and giggles. 
Oh, Ian's giggle. He lives for that giggle. 
"You're going down!" he calls and lunges forward.
"Which way?" Ian says innocently as he steps back elegantly and lets himself fall on the couch. His tone makes Todd stop in his tracks. 
"Okay, other way then." he grins, and joins his love on the couch.