Broken String

LVIII

It's almost scary, the way the building looks exactly the same as it always has. Clearly nothing has changed at all since he hasn't been here, and yet his own whole world is different. It crashes into him so hard as Brett pushes him over the pavement towards the entrance that it takes his breath away and for a moment he thinks about asking him to turn around and take him back home.
He can't, very obviously. He's asked Brett to bring him here. Brett has lessons. So does he himself, in fact, even though nobody will be expecting him to attend them, really.
Surely everyone inside that building knows he's in the chair, since the party in their house on that wretched night he wound up sleeping with Anna? He cringes as he realises for the first time that he's probably about to see her, too.
Oh, no.
Oh, God, why did this ever seem like a good idea? Why did he want to come so badly?

It even smells the same. He's here every day, usually, so he doesn't normally notice, but there is a scent to the place he recognises now that he's been gone that just screams con. He looks at the stairs that lead to the practise rooms as Brett pushes him through the hall. What he wouldn't give to climb up them, violin on his back. Share a room with Brett. His violin is at home, of course, in its case. It's already the longest he's ever gone without touching it.
"Love! What have you done to yourself!"
His heart almost stops when the lady from the reception desk gets up and walks around quickly, rushing to him.
"Did you break something?"
He remembers the dreams, her leering eyes as she pushed him on stage, but nothing leers here, all her eyes contain is shock, and sympathy. His lip quivers as he tries not to start bawling.
Why did he come here?
"Um, no. I'm injured, but we don't know what's going on, yet. I have a scan in a few days." he tells her in a small voice.
"A scan?" she exclaims. She takes a small step back and her hand hits her mouth. "They think it's something bad?"
He has to look down at his legs quickly. Oh, he knows she means well, and her sympathy is touching, but she's saying all the things he doesn't want to think. The tears press and he has to take a deep breath before he can look up again.
"We're crossing that bridge if we get to it."
She nods quickly. "Yes, of course. Sorry, love. God, I hope you're okay. Let me know if there's anything I can do?"
"Yeah, thanks."

Brett pushes him on and into the cafeteria. And of course, there she is, sitting at the same table they were at last time he was here.
Anna.
The girl who used to be his friend, before he hurt her.
Her eyes glance up and settle on him. He sees them widen, he sees her reigning it in and managing a smile. Then she gets up.
"Eddy! Whoa, hadn't expected you to make it in. You going to theory or something?"
"Um, yeah." he says as Brett stops him close to her. "I figured maybe try to do something at least. Solfege."
She grins suddenly and sits back down.
"Solfege. That's what you figured you needed to do with your free time, hey? Have you forgotten you have perfect pitch and have never had a less than perfect score for solfege in your entire life?"
He scoffs, but he can't help himself, he's grinning too.
"Gotta start small, huh? I have theory later too."
"It's also not like he gets bad scores for anything else." Brett adds in his deadpan tone. He takes the chair opposite Anna and crosses his legs. "Let's face it."
"Oy. No bashing the guy in the wheelchair." Todd quips, giving him a bump to the shoulder as he slides past Anna to sit down.
"Ian already practising?" Brett asks him.
"Is the Pope a Catholic? I'll join him in a moment, though."
Brett nods with an exaggerated scowl.
"What, in the same room? Sure, sure. You'll have great practice."
"Yeah, fuck you too, Brett."
Anna giggles and gets up again.
"Okay, coffee's on me, because I'm happy that Eddy is sort of back. I don't have to ask him if he wants coffee. Rest of you as well?"
"Please. My treat tomorrow." Brett says.

He stares at Anna's back as she walks to the short line to get the coffee, which he knows isn't as bad as you'd think, from here.
She seems okay, right? She seemed fine? And it's such a relief to think that maybe she is actually good, that maybe he hasn't lost his friend or hurt her too much, that he almost cries again.