Broken String

LXXVIII

The machine around him seems to whirr and Eddy flinches. The disembodied voice of the nurse comes over the headphones he is wearing. 
"Mr. Chen, we're going to start now."
We're going to start now? It very much felt like it had started already. Brett's not here and although the space is tight the fist manages to squeeze in anyway and starts to squash his heart with an iron grip. His heart rate speeds up and it's getting harder and harder to breathe.
"Breathe, Eddy. Breathe." he whispers to himself without sound. There is enough sound anyway because the machine has just come on and boy, were they not kidding about it being loud. It sounds like four hundred gnomes are hammering for gold above him, around him, digging for him, coming for him...
He takes a sharp breath and shuts his eyes tightly. That way he won't be able to see how close the top of the tube is to him. His heart pounds and a tear wrestles its way out of the glued eyelids. 
No, no. Open is better. He can see a little bit of the room through the opening at the back of the tube. See? It's right there. He's not really stuck at all, and the lady has said he can tell her at any point and she'll take him right out. He's safe. He's safe. 
He wants to call out to stop, take me out, I need air, I need to run through the desert beyond the room and back to where there is sun, and moisture, and oxygen. 
He doesn't, of course. This test needs to happen anyway whether he takes a break or not. Going back in will only make it worse. 
The hammering goes on as he lies as still as he can. 
"Mr. Chen? Please hold your breath in three, two, one."
How does he manage it? Is it the civility that his mum has ingrained in him? But he holds it, despite the pounding of his heart that matches that of the gnomes digging for their gold. One, two, three, four, five, six seconds and he needs to breathe, he needs to...
"Breathe normally."
Oh, thank God. He takes quick breaths and stares at the little bit of room behind him. 
"Please hold your breath in three, two, one."
How long will this go on for? Eternity stretches in front of him in faded yellow punctuated by jackhammers.
"No." he whispers softly enough he knows he won't be heard. "Fuck. No."
"Hold your breath in three, two, one."

By the time the noise around him subsides he feels like he could hurl. He's held his breath, he's breathed 'normally'. He needs out. Out! 
Something clicks in the headphones then and suddenly the tongue he's lying on moves. It's over. It must be over. He manages to wait until he's fully out and sits up quickly. 
"Hello Mr. Chen, how was that?"
"Brett. Please. I..."
He would get up, he would run out. He sees the chair. He needs...
"Oh, dear!" the nurse says as her eyes widen. She assesses him with one glance, hurries to the door and calls for Brett, then rushes back to him. 
"I'm so sorry, I didn't see you were in distress. Do you need anything?"
"No, thank you." Eddy says, polite despite it all. "I just... I would like to go. Is it done?"
"Yes, it's all done. Um. You could have... you could have said?"
Eddy shrugs jerkily.
"It had to happen anyway, right?"
The nurse seems to extend her hand, almost to put it on his shoulder, then pulls it back. 
"There is a bigger tube we use for bigger patients." she says then, almost hesitantly. Guiltily, maybe, but there's too much panic left in Eddy's system to pay much attention to her. "Or for those who don't like confined spaces. So should you ever need to come again..."

And that's when Brett rushes in. He takes one look at Eddy and he's by his side, he does put his hand on Eddy's shoulder, and it seems to sink through him and attack the fist that still has him in an iron grip. Then he holds out his hand and quickly helps him into the chair. 
"Do we see the doctor?" Brett asks the technician calmly, but his hand stays on Eddy's shoulder. 
Of course. The doctor. How could he forget that? Answers? That's why they're here? Is he finally getting some?
"You'll be called in the next few days." the nurse says in a practised professional tone. She's said this a million times, clearly, to as many people desperate for answers. "An expert needs to look over the images before we'll know anything." 
"You... you haven't seen anything?" Brett says again. It's not like him to press, but the nurse simply smiles kindly.
"I'm sorry, not on an MRI, you'll have to wait for the doctor to call you. But it won't be long. Good luck, now. Mr. Chen. I hope you're feeling a bit better." 
Eddy nods. Although to be honest he'll feel a lot better once he's out of this horrible building. 

"So. That wasn't that pleasant?"
Brett pushes him through the entry hall and through the sliding doors out into the sunshine. Eddy takes great gulps of precious, oxygen rich air. 
"No. And I was stupid as well. I thought I simply had to ride it out but it turns out they have a bigger tube I could have gone in." he looks down at his legs and tries not to cry. "Fuck it, I'm so weak, it's not even funny. What a wanker."
The car is there and Brett turns the chair next to the door, then walks around. 
"Don't say that. You did it, didn't you? You got through it. You're strong. Please don't call yourself a wanker, that's my job. Or Todd's."
Despite himself Eddy grins. See? This is why you need a Brett around. 
"Let's get home." 
Brett nods and holds out his arm. 
"Let's."