Broken String

CXX

Ten minutes later and everything is different. How did it all get so different so quickly? Brett is helping him into the car and he leans back and sighs deeply. 
Wow. 
He's not dying. He's not got M.S.. He's got...
He's got a chance then, right? Surely? And this colleague? They'll know more?
Brett slides in beside him and takes his hand instantly. 
"Whoa." he says quietly. Eddy's eyes fly to him at his tone. 
"Bretty. You okay?"
Brett nods, but he blinks, and Eddy knows, he just knows that he's trying not to cry.
All at once he wants to cry, not even for himself, but for Brett. 
"It's a relief?" he says gently. "Or you wanted me ill?"
That does it, Brett laughs and squeezes the hand he holds. 
"No, Eddy mine, I did not want you ill."
It's the pet name, that's what tips him over, because now a tear does well and it leisurely rolls over his cheek. Brett moves quickly, he leans and takes him into his arms and his hands are stroking his back, his hair. 
"Hey. You're gonna be good. The doctor said so."
"She didn't." he half sobs. "She just said I'm not instantly keeling over."
"That's enough for me." Brett whispers. Eddy lets go so he can look at him. Brett's eyes are moist, half a tear in his right eye. And do you know what? He's no longer going to let any shit stop him, not after all of this. He reaches up and wipes it away with his thumb. Brett eyes him soberly, then shrugs.
"Sorry. I should be the strong one."
"No you fucking well shouldn't." Eddy spits, startling himself again. Wait. Is this how it's going to be now, no filter? It's permanently relocated to Alaska, or something? It needs to be said, though. "Come on, we're in this together. You've been there... more than anyone could expect of anyone. You think I don't understand this impacts you, too? Come on, Brett. We can share this, yeah?"
Brett stares at him in completely silence for at least a minute, and then, suddenly, his eyes fill with tears for real. 
"Oh, fuck it." he breathes. His lips quivers and he dives forward into Eddy's arms. "I've been so worried, so fucking worried. I didn't tell you but I did look up what it could be and... God, Eddy, I've been so worried." He sobs once, twice, then takes a deep breath. 
"It's okay." Eddy whispers in his ear. His arms may be useless but they can still rub Brett's back, just the way Brett does to him so often now, the way he loves. His lips can kiss his soft cheek with the hint of stubble. "I'm so sorry I've been the cause of the worry."
The world around them stops as the sun beats down on the little car the way it always has, as the blossoms release their sweet odour through the open window, just like they always did. And he's not dying, he's still here to feel it, to smell it, to see it. Brett sighs deeply, then lets go. The tears are already drying, and his eyes flicker. 
"You can make it up to me by getting better." he quips. 
"I'll try. I know you're kidding but I will try."
Look, it's not that he doesn't know that they're in a car in a public place but it's too easy to move his head slightly, too easy to kiss him softly. 
Brett releases the smallest grunt and he's kissing him back, but bigger, his tongue playing with his own, and somehow Eddy can feel his worry, his fear, his angst in the way he moves against him. This isn't just sexy, no: this is real, this is him showing what it means to him. He closes his eyes and inhales his sweet smell, laps up his fear, his chest against his own, hearts beating together. When they finally let go his eyes are moist with the beauty of this man, and how much he cares.
"Whoa." he says. 
"Yeah." Brett replies sweetly. His eyes are back to normal now, he is becoming his own, confident Brett again right in front of him. He loves confident Brett just as much as he does vulnerable Brett.
"Thank you for not hiding that." he says on a whim.  
"Yeah?"
Brett doesn't look at him, he just starts the car and checks the mirrors.
"Yeah. Can we go out to eat again tonight? My treat?"
Deep, brown eyes shoot to him, wonder floating in them. 
"Absolutely. Where are we going?"
Eddy shrugs.
"Not telling you."