Broken String

XCIV

It's true, what he thought. The moment they leave the park the butterflies dissipate, leaving only memories, maybe a shadow of what they were behind in his soul. The shadow is enough to keep the fist away, though, enough to make the apartment seem less empty, less ominous. 
"Could you open the window?" he asks John. "Some fresh air in here?"
He should actually ask Brett or Todd to vacuum his room, too. It's been to long, it's been too stale. If everything is going to be new it should be fresh as well. 

He glances at the clock for the tenth time in as many minutes, sipping the tea John has just made, comfortable on the couch John has helped him sit on, managing to make small talk with him, asking him after the youth orchestra he still conducts. But it's three, right? He should be back, right?
"The second you're back online I'd love for you to come back to Perth." John says. 
"What, really?"
John nods happily. "Really. We have several concerts in six months. I could put some solo repertoire on with orchestra. You know, give your body an incentive."
Eddy grins, because he knows he's joking about the incentive thing. 
"I hope it listens."
"Me too. Eddy... one thing though? I'd say take your time? Okay? Give yourself a moment to regroup?"
Eddy blinks and manages not to start with the tears again. He's been so free, with John, walking around eating orbs, being in the sun, talking to him openly about everything that's been bothering him in silence. It's brought some space into his head, space he hadn't known was filled before. Does he have a point?
"I'll try."
John nods again.
"I may be overstepping. I just feel you need... some time."
"You think I'll get better?"
A smile, a kind smile that reaches his mentor's eyes. 
"I'm positive. How could you not? The world needs musicians such as you, and Brett, and Todd, and Ian."
"Thanks, John."
"It's not a platitude, Eddy. And call me, any time. Okay? Is it okay if I check in, as well?"
Now a tear does well. Because he wouldn't, of course, call him. Does John know that?
"Yes."
"Cool. Eddy... just don't be so hard on yourself, okay?"

Look, he would respond to that, lie even, maybe, tell him of course not. But the lift pings and there are footsteps outside the door and Eddy's heart is in his throat. 
It's Brett, thank God, he walks in looking worried, haggard, almost. And radiant at the same time. Eddy looks up at him in incredulity as his heart pounds. 
His best friend of so many years, in his signature black jeans and button down shirt. He puts his violin case down as he kicks off his shoes, just like he always does. He bends down just that way to put them in the rack, rights himself the way he always does. But Eddy can't keep his eyes off him. 
Did he ever know just how lovely he is?
He manages to keep his mouth from falling open, smiling instead. He knows his cheeks must be red, but there's not very much he can do about that. 
"Hey. You alright?"
He nods as Brett sits down next to him and puts his hand on Eddy's thigh. Where it belongs, now, apparently. Eddy slips his own hand on top. 
"Yes. We walked, well, John walked, and we talked. It was good. I'll have to thank Todd for the surprise when he gets home."
He can see the relief spread on Brett's face and he knows he's been worried about him. And it's so sweet he could easily cry again. He squeezes the hand softly and smiles again. 
"It's good to have you back, though." he says quietly. 
That much he can say, you see. That much isn't talking, surely. 
Close, he's so close, and somehow everything he's said to John, everything he's admitted to comes crashing down onto him. Brett's lips are there, pink, almost plump. Inviting. 
He looks down at his legs quickly, carrying on to the other side, where John sits. 
"I should go." his conductor friend says as he stands up. "I'm very glad I could be here, though. I hope to see you soon in a very different state."
He means the chair, of course, but Eddy doesn't miss the undertone, the slight glance to their hands, together on his leg.
Oh my God. Is this actually happening?
"I'm so glad you were here." he says honestly. 
"Good." John smiles. 
Brett gets up and walks him over to the door, gives him a quick bro-hug, then closes the door behind him and starts walking back to the couch.
"Do you need anything?" 
Eddy shakes his head and gestures to the space beside him in the same movement. There's only one thing he needs.
"No, I'm all good."