Broken String

CXII

"You okay?"
Todd finally finds a window just as they walk into the main hall, just as Ian is flitting off to the reception desk to get a practice room. There is a little time, right? He could take Brett to the hallway? 
"I'm fine." Brett tells him curtly.
"Like hell you are." Todd states, and he is already taking his friend's wrist and pulling him towards their spot. Of course, Brett could easily shake himself free and stay in the main hall. He could choose to keep the same distance he's seen him keep with Eddy this morning. And then he can't help him.
Brett halts for just a second and then he walks with him.

"Like hell you are." Todd repeats once they are safely hidden from eyes.
Is he going to talk at all? Todd is far from sure. Brett's eyes are hooded, looking away towards the hallway, like that's where he longs to be. But then, suddenly, a tear wells up in his great friends eye. He swipes angrily at it.
"Fuck it, not this again." he growls.
"Not the first time today?" Todd says kindly. He would put his hand on Brett's shoulder but he's too scared he'll shrug it off, he's too scared to spook him away from talking, away from emptying his burden.
Brett shakes his head roughly.
"You saw that?"
"It's fine." Todd shrugs. Of course he saw that, approximately the millisecond he walked into the living room earlier. Red eyes, quiet Brett moving roughly around the space. Surely Eddy must have seen too. "Wanna tell me about it?"
There is a quiet for a long minute, the silence seeping into the walls around them, freezing them to the dirty carpet underneath their feet. Then Brett nods.
"Um. Oh, Jesus, Todd. I'm fucking it up already, I can feel myself doing it."
"What happened?"
Another long silence and Brett looks up at him wildly.
"We had... sex, okay? Twice, in fact, I guess. Didn't clean up so you know what it was like waking up. It was... fucking awkward. I have no idea why it was suddenly so awkward when last night was so perfect. So I made a mistake, I ran to the shower. I didn't... fuck it, I should have asked him if he wanted to come with but these stupid tears were coming and I couldn't stop them and I never cry and now, suddenly... I mean, he doesn't need to see that, does he? What else could I do?"
Todd's eyebrows knit together but he stays calm.
"He was in the bed still?"
Brett nods.
"Yeah. When I came back he'd managed to clean himself up. Fuck it. He shouldn't be rolling around trying to get tissues and old water. I fucked up. I asked him if he wanted help, he said just with getting in the chair. He... he didn't want..." his voice diminuendos to almost nothing. "He didn't want me to see him, clearly."
Todd blinks quickly and grabs around for the right words. Look. It's not news to him they had sex, obviously. To see them storming past like that last night, to hear their screaming, not long after... he had thought it was good news at the time. 
It still is, right? It must be, right? 
"Are you sure about that?" he says quietly. "Maybe he thought the same about you?"
Wide, wild eyes stare at him.
"What, that I didn't want him to see me?"
Todd shrugs. I mean, it makes sense, right? If he ran out to hide his tears and Eddy doesn't know there were tears?
"Why didn't you want him to see?" he asks kindly, even though he's pretty sure he knows the answer. It's the same reason, surely, why he had never seen Brett cry. Why he just said he never cries. Tough, straight guy, suddenly not so tough.
Or so straight, for that matter.

Brett shrugs again.
"Um. I didn't even consider it."
Now Todd does put his hand on Brett's shoulder.
"You love him, right?"
Impossibly wide eyes, floating with unshod tears and something else. A nod with the weight of worlds.
"I do."
"Then maybe show him? You know, next time?"
A deep, deep breath and a hint of relief. Eyes that finally look up at him, still moist, but there's hope in them, somehow. 
"You mean if I haven't fucked it up already?"
"I'm absolutely confident you haven't. Jesus, you're forgetting I saw you coming in from the restaurant. I've never seen that much sexual tension. You know, outside of my own relationships."
That's it, the small grin he had been waiting for appears.
"Jesus fuck, it was so good." Brett sighs as he shakes his head from side to side. "I can't even... I never knew such a thing existed before."
Todd's hand squeezes the shoulder he's holding and tenses back the smile he feels. He knows now, of course, since he's been with Ian, what difference it makes when you love someone, really actually love them. He guesses that's what Brett is finding out right now. Another smile, this time he can't hold it back but it doesn't matter, really, does it? 
"Then do that again, yeah?" he says. "Later, like you said. It isn't talking that's most important, right? Show him, then?"

Brett seems a thousand pounds lighter all of a sudden.
"Show him. I can do that. Fuck it, I need to text him. He's probably... shit. I need to text him."

Look, he would say something else, but Brett is out of the hallway already. So Todd takes a deep breath and shakes his head before he follows him.