✨L I F E G O E S O N✨

🍃Like me🍃

5th June 2016

I was craving for a hot chocolate. I didn't feel like having coffee today.

I ordered it.

I looked out of the window. Outside it was cloudy, only occasionally the sun shone through.

While waiting for my hot chocolate, I checked Twitter. I posted a picture of myself yesterday. I haven't had a chance to read the comments yet.

#3: She looks so beautiful.❤️
#4: True. She looks so good.🙈💖

#37: I can't she is so adorable.🥺🥺💜💜

I smiled. There were a lot of friendly and supportive comments. Of course there were also a few hate comments but I barely paid attention to them.

Suddenly I got a call from Yoongi. I took the call.

Me: Hey-
Yoongi: Can you come over?

His voice sounded a little rough. He kind of worried me.

Me: Sure. Is something up?
Yoongi: Nothing.

I hung up. I decided to take my hot chocolate with me instead of drinking it here and ordered another coffee for Yoongi. Then I rushed to the BigHit.

It took less than 5 minutes until I was infront of his studio. I knocked on the door even though I knew his pin. But I didn't want to disturb him or invade into his privacy. He was very happy when he got his own studio here.

I heard a few footsteps. Seconds later the door opened and Yoongi appeared in the doorframe. I gave him a smile and offered him the coffee. He returned a small smile, taking the coffee and letting me inside. Something was off.

His eyes looked kinda weird. Was he crying earlier? He sat back in his chair and I followed him, standing next to him.

Me: Why should I come? Do you need my help?

Yoongi said nothing. He continued to stare at the computer screen. There was definitely something wrong with him. I decided not to pressure him and left the topic. I sat down on the small black couch.

After 5 minutes he turned his chair around and looked at me.

Yoongi: Can you come here?

I didn't question it and went to him immediately. I stopped about half a meter in front of him. He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer. He hugged me. I wrapped my arms around him, resting my hands on his back.

Me: You're not okay and it's okay. But can you tell me what's wrong?

He sighed deeply.

Yoongi: I just try so much to finish everything in time but it's not easy. And soon the shooting is going to start. It's the first time solo. I don't want to mess it up. But it feels like it's going to be like that. I'm going to mess everything up.

He meant his solos. Especially 'Give it to me'. There should even be a music video for it. He worked on other songs at the same time. He was talking about his depression and social phobia.

I felt similar. I understood him very well. I was suffering from things like that as well. It certainly wasn't easy to talk about. But it was also a big responsibility. And I was so proud of him that he talked about it. He made a big step. And I feel like the proudest little sister.

He hadn't really said much to the guys about the songs and themes. But I knew. I had seen some things myself and Yoongi told and showed me some things himself. I remembered very well how he tried to kill himself. But I was able to react quickly back then.

I decided that I would pay him a visit on the day of the shooting of 'give it to me' which was going to be in some days. It was at night, but that wasn't so important.

Me: No, your not. I love it already. I know you can do everything.

Yoongi: But I don't believe in myself enough.

Me: Then I'll do it until you do it yourself. Don't worry. It's going to be great. Wanna work together?

Yoongi: Right now?

I nodded.

Yoongi: Thank you.

I got up and was about to leave the room.

Yoongi: Where are you going?

Me: I'll get a chair. You only have one here.

He nodded and I went to get the chair.

𝕐𝕆𝕆ℕ𝔾𝕀 ℙ𝕆𝕍:

Yuyu left the room. I turned back to the computer. Then something caught my eye. It was a song I already finished. It was called 'know me'. It was a special song to me.

Yuyu shouldn't see this song until it's out. Why? Because the song was for her. It was a surprise for her and she deserved that songs. She kinda had a special place in my life, in my heart. She changed a lot in me. She saved me back when I tried to kill myself.

She had dreamed about me that night, in the middle of the night. She would have done anything to come to me to make sure I was okay, that it was all just a bad dream. But it wasn't.

I also wanted to apologize to her. She had seen me almost die. At the time she was 12 or 13 years old.
I didn't want to do this to her, but she had seen me suffer. I never wanted her to see this. But somehow she was the only one who understood me. I was grateful for that.

Since then I wanted to protect her from everything bad. She was extremely thin back then and she still is. She is weaker than others in her age. But she is so strong at the same time. She was calmer than the others. She was very similar to me in that regard.

She also liked being alone. Like me. She grew up in a bad environment. He father was extremely abusive towards her and she had to starve a lot. She was depressed. I think she still was. She was harassed more than 3 times. Her childhood stolen. Like Jungkooks. Both of them had a hard time. But none of them ever complained about that.

I remembered that my relationship with my family wasn't that good. I wanted her to grow up better than me. I felt like a real big brother towards her. I felt like it's my duty to take care of her. Because I needed her and she needed me. Because..

- I love her