✨L I F E G O E S O N✨

💞My Story💞

27th January 2012
It was already 1 a.m. and everyone else was already home. A new day had begun. January 27th. I tried to learn the choreography of 'no more dream'. It was very complicated. I had trouble in the chorus part. I didn't have to lift my t-shirt, but I had to do similar movements. And I barely had any coordination. We had to be able to do the dance in two weeks. And even if we still had time until then, I had the feeling that I would not make it till then. I wanted to make it perfect.

I fell on the floor. I felt exhausted. And tired. I was still in the practice room 3 hours later working out. I've made some progress. But not much.

I went out of the room. And I went down the hall. A few seconds later I was in the stairwell and went down the stairs. I wanted to go for a walk. I went to the bus stop and waited for a bus without knowing if one was going to come. Fortunately, a bus came after 15 minutes of waiting. I sat in the warm bus and took out my headphones of my pocket. I listened to music. A few minutes later I got off the bus and walked the paved path that would take me to the Tancheon.

It was night and it was cold. You could hear the cars on the streets and the current of the river. The city was lit up and the other side of the river was beautiful.

Everything was so beautiful, only I was in a bad mood. I was too tired to be comfortable. And too stressed out. I didn't even really know why I was putting the pressure on myself. We had known the choreography for 2 days.

Probably because I wanted to do it well. I was afraid I would not come or ruin something for the boys. I wanted to do my best. And it just didn't feel enough.

I realized how good it was to be alone. I never regretted the decision to be in a group. I've just been with them for a very long time. I needed time to myself. Everyone needed that right?

I thought about all the months that I had spent with my future members. I thought about Kazuko, Areum and Maya. And I thought of the time when I was a toddler.

I lived with my 4 brothers, my mother and my father. My mother was sick. She couldn't walk because she was too weak. That's why she was dependent on my father. He worked and made money. I knew she wanted to leave him. She hadn't loved him for a long time. After I was born, he hit me. He hated me. Because he never wanted a daughter. My brothers were lucky. He always preferred them.

When I was 9 years old, I decided to go to work so my mother and I could move away. I had delivered the newspaper and the mail. But I quickly realized that it wasn't a lot of money anyway. I thought about what I wanted to do later professionally.

It occurred to me that I was writing songs. And loved to dance. I stood on the street and danced to some kind of music. But people liked it and they gave me money. Some tourists also watched. Then a man came. He introduced himself and gave me a card. I got the request to join BigHit Entertainment. I thought about it for a long time and then asked my mother. She said I should do what I loved and she would support me.

I traveled from Busan to Seoul and became a trainee there. I worked hard and I was very grateful that my mother supported me. I never wanted to disappoint her. I promised her that I would call her when I made my debut.

Then I made my way back to BigHit. It was already 6 o'clock. I continued practicing for 2 hours and it worked out better. At 9 o'clock the boys came into the practice room.

Tae came and hugged me.

Me: let go. I'm sweaty

I felt him smile and let go of me.

Tae: Were you here all night?

I nodded.

Tae: Why? We were worried. Don't overwork yourself.

Me: I wanted to practice a little more. Do not ask. I'm okay. Did you sleep well?

Tae nodded.

Me: Tomorrow we will record our secret log again okay?

He nodded. He was excited I could see it. And I was so. We would do something really fun.