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It was pretty cool. But somehow I couldn't really look forward to it. I was pretty tired and my depression was coming back. I had the feeling that there was nothing at the moment that could cheer me up. Everything was ... beautiful around me and I didn't feel anything inside of me. Self-doubt. Lonliness. Discontent. Listlessness. Hatred that one felt for oneself. The feeling of missing something that you never had. I did not want to anymore. I hated myself so much and all these feelings. Everything felt so monotonous. I felt numb.
The meeting was now over.
So we left the room.
We went to the dance room. Today would be the last time to practice the dance for 'No more dream' before we would record the Official Dance Practice tomorrow.
I wondered when we were going to debut. Pdnim said the debut would be this year.
I suddenly felt sorry for the people around me. They had to work with me. These people had to endure me.
We started practicing.
Hoseok: Stop. Jungkook, Jin and Namjoon. That's how it is done.
He showed how to do it right and they made it flawless.
Jungkook has been very busy the last few days. A lot of vocal training. But he still tried to keep up.
I hadn't eaten in 2 days. And I lied to the boys. But I was so hungry.
What should I do? If I asked for food, Jin would know I lied to him. But I was hungry. I was very hungry.
We went out of the building on our way home. Jimin, Tae and Kookie went in front of the others and talked. Jin and Joonie were going together and talked about bugs. Yoongi listened to music and looked ahead. He was going next to Joonie, but he didn't seem to insist on being part of the conversation. He never seemed. Neither did I. Jin and Yoongi often told me not to listen to Namjoons talks and conversations. They always said I was too young for all of these things Joonie was talking about and that he was pretty nasty. I always knew exactly what it was about. It was kind of funny to listen to him. Hoseok was going next to me. But he was playing a game on his phone and I always pulled him aside when a lantern appeared in front of him. He would then say thank you and continue playing.
My stomach rumbled. Fortunately, no one had heard that. But I was really hungry.
