[[忘羡 | WangXian 3]] : Our Flesh And Bones

Synergy. [TW]

- Please let me take care of you. Please, Wei Ying. I need it...

- I'm yours.

**

They were lying in the bath-tub silently. Lan Wangji was lying down, just his head was above the water; Wei Wuxian was lying on top of him, covering him fully with his body, hugging him, feeling Lan Zhan's hands on his back. Nether spoke, there was no need; each one was drawn into his own thoughts, and they just enjoyed this time together, each mourning in his own sadness – somehow, the two things co-existed seamlessly that day.

Then they sat down for breakfast, and although Wei Wuxian felt sick to his stomach with worry, he let his husband feed him again – it seemed to calm him down. He was looking up at the beautiful sorrowful face, thinking that he would sell his soul for just one smile of his in that particular moment.

Afterwards, Hanguang-Jun wanted to start off with his daily work, but Wei Ying took his hand and led him to sit in front of the fire so that he could comb and dry his hair. He had closed his eyes and enjoyed every small touch. In time, it was all done, and he stood up to leave, but a very flushed Wei Ying stopped him, saying:

- Don't leave me alone today.

He shivered a little, and nodded slightly. Wei Wuxian took his robe off and helped him to bed. They were lying together, hugging, and the silence was deafening. Wei Ying whispered, repeating:

- Don't leave me. Please.

His eyes were welling with tears – he could hear, and feel too well, the way Lan Wangji's heart was pounding, his gnashing teeth, his ragged breathing. He hugged him even tighter, lost as to why he felt so badly. Instinctively, he felt that he had to give him time to deal with it. So they stayed warm together, speechless, almost all day long.

Wei Wuxian's body was healing, and – away from Miao Lu – he felt quite alright, but his heart was breaking. The worst thing was not knowing; he had no idea why all that was happening, and so he couldn't think of any way to help. All he could do was be there. He was clinging to Hanguang-Jun's body, dreaming to be grabbed again, just like this morning, to be desired strongly, to be suffocated with kisses.

He waited.

Bai Li served dinner later, absolutely lost, as no one spoke to her that day and she knew nothing about errands or tasks. The Masters were lost into each other again, but she was not sure if this was a good or a bad thing this time. It really seemed like they had spent the whole day in bed, barely moving. Master Wei was once again sinking in Hanguang-Jun's arms, but did not look too happy. And while Miao Lu felt wonderful, spending time with Master Wen, the other two Masters looked pale and spent. It was something she could not understand, and it wasn't her place to understand it, but she worried.

Later, Wei Wuxian let his husband undress him and undo his hair after dinner, and they went back to bed. He wasn't tired, but his mind was exhausted. He was hugging the warm, strong body tight, vaguely afraid that if he let him go – he'd be gone forever. The deep sense of loss had stayed with him ever since last night, and their rounds during the night, and in the morning, had done nothing to make it better. He was clinging to him, clutching to his clothes, unable to breathe without him – and hoping that he knew that.

**

- Wei Ying. Wei Ying! 

He felt a strong jerk, pulling him out of a chilling dream – he had no memory when he'd fallen asleep. He looked up, confused, sobbing. Lan Wangji's face was looming over him, expressing nothing but concern. He had no memory of the tears in his eyes either, but they were there, and everything was blurry. He whimpered:

- Don't leave me! Please don't leave! Please don't go, Lan Zhan!

- No... No... My love, no....

He threw himself into Lan Wangji's arms, holding him so tight that his ribs crackled. Wei Ying spoke fast:

- I ...I dreamt that you were leaving... and the house was empty and dark... and I was all alone... and I was so afraid... - he wept in his neck. – Why don't you want me any more, Lan Zhan... What did I do... Tell me, I can change! I miss you so much...

- No, my love, no... -  Lan Wangji was caressing his hair and his back, whispering, worried. – I am here, Wei Ying... I am never going to leave... I love you so so much, my heart...

Wei Wuxian was crying inconsolably, unsure any more what those words meant. Lan Wangji felt also that his words were not enough, not this time. He turned him to lie on his back, and started kissing him thirstily, speaking to him gently every time he inhaled:

- I want you... I want you always... I want you so much... This is the problem, husband... I am the problem.

Wei Ying was drowning, fighting for breath – his tears were choking him, his lover's mouth was drinking his air, but he wouldn't have it any other way. His whole body arched to be able to reach him better, offer himself better, more. It felt like their best kiss, not because it was the best, but it was the most awaited, craved for. 

He managed to whisper, gasping:

- Never... Never... Never a problem... No...

Their mouths clashed again, their bodies pressed to one another, burning up, yearning for a fuller touch.

- I cannot be hurting you any more... - Lan Zhan grunted, trying hard to constrain himself.

- I want it... I need it... Have mercy!  - We Ying begged.

Wei Ying was pulling him closer all the time, now seeing that he wanted him too, truly. But in a second he saw him cringe away from him, his face was distorted by pain. He suddenly thought that probably the reason for all this was that cursed, misfortunate night when a very drunk Lan Zhan had raped him brutally; he could find no other explanation. He was panting, wondering how to reassure him, how to fix this once and for all. He opened his mouth to say something, but Hanguang-Jun spoke first:

- How could you even want me... I only bring you pain and nightmares... How do you even bear to be with me...

He was looking down, dejected, and never saw it coming – Wei Ying slapped his face, hard. He looked up, amazed and speechless. Wei Wuxian's face was all thunder and dark clouds now, and he grumbled:

- Listen to me, now, Lan Wangji, and listen carefully, as I am not going to repeat this! Gods! I thought we were over this already! – he huffed.

Lan Zhan sat back, eyes wide open – the slap did not hurt, but it surprised him, and now his cheek was burning and he was gaping, watching a very angry Wei Wuxian fume and yell.

- Idiot!  How many times do I have to repeat it! I like it! I love it! I am constantly begging for it, Hanguang-Jun ... Uhhh... -  he remembered something from a couple of days ago and his cheeks blushed and he bit his lips.

Lan Wangji's breath hitched - he looked so hot.

– If it is too much – I will make sure to tell you, yea? But when I'm begging you to fuck me, and you say "no", what should I think about it, eh, husband?! Are you punishing me? Are you tired of me? Perhaps you want another? Or maybe I made a mistake and upset you? How do I know?!

Wei Ying's voice was getting shriller and shriller. Hanguang-Jun was secretly happy that Lan Sizhui was not here, as that voice was now ringing through the premises.

- When will that thick skull of yours understand that not knowing  is worse than any pain this huge dick of yours  can cause me!?! – Wei Ying was now standing up in the bed, looking down at his lover, who was unsure whether to laugh or cry.

- Well? Are you going to say anything? You have been moping all day long, torturing me, and for what? No reason at all!!! Is that so, Hanguang-Jun?!? – he cried, all red and angry.

- Oh, you deserve to get fucked brutally hard right now, you know that??? – he wailed. – But no. As you yourself said yesterday, YOU MORON, our pleasure is different! I like the pain, and you don't. And that is ALRIGHT! LAN WANGJI !!! 

Lan Zhan crawled closer to him and was now kneeling in the bed at his feet, looking up.

- You are so hot, husband. – he murmured quietly, all blushing.

- Ha! – Wei Wuxian huffed and looked away, trying to calm his breathing.

- Please, come down. – he smiled shyly.

- No. – Wei Ying crossed his arms in front of his chest stubbornly. – No! I am MAD at you! IDIOT!

- Please... - Lan Wangji begged patiently. – Please.

As there was no response, he took off his night clothes, leaving just his pants on, but Wei Ying did not look down.

- Please... Beloved, please... - he whispered, too aroused.

Wei Ying was following his movements with the corner of his eye, but Hanguang-Jun surprised him too, as he was now kissing his knees, hugging his legs, kissing gently over the bruise from last night, murmuring softly " please please"  repeatedly, kissing up, covering his thighs with small quick kisses too. He finally looked down – Lan Wangji was hugging him, still on his knees, burying his face in his belly, kissing tenderly all over. He let out a sigh and buried his hands in Hanguang-Jun's dark hair, earning a deep sigh of relief from him too.

- If you do this again, I will kill you with my own two hands, Lan Zhan, and that's a promise. – he mumbled. – Do you hear?

- Yes...yes. Yes, my love yes... I love you so much that I will let you... I swear it, Wei Ying... - he whispered desperately.

- Hmmm. I am still mad at you... idiot..  -  he murmured far more gently now.

- Yes... Yes, my precious, yes... Yes.

Lan Wangji never stopped kissing, lost. He had been yearning for this all day long, torn between desire and despair. But now – he was given full permission.

- I love you so much too, Lan Zhan... Too much. – Wei Ying said sadly, lifting his face up for him to stare at. 

The golden eyes were looking up at him with adoration and quiet regret that broke his heart anew.