[[忘羡 | WangXian 3]] : Our Flesh And Bones

Departure. [TW]

The dim morning sunshine was washing weakly over the Cloud Recesses, which was now fraught with tumult, in extreme contrast to the absolute peace and quiet of the previous three days.

The household was whole again, and both Bai Li and Hanguang-Jun were having a busy time organizing and taking care of everyone. Lan Wangji and Lan Sizhui had thought that they successfully managed not to wake up Wei Wuxian that morning, but he got out of the bedroom grumpily very shortly after them. He hated the cold. But he loved it when his husband was hugging him to keep him warm.

- Good morning, Wei Qianbei. – Bai Li greeted and bowed.

- Go away. – he mumbled. – Lan Zhan! Why did you sneak out, huh? Did you think I am going to miss out on my son's departure? – he scoffed unhappily.

- Breakfast.

Hanguang-Jun did not need to say any more. Bai Li ran to bring food and tea to the Masters personally, and they all moved to the hall, where, thankfully, the fire had already been lit. The servants were taking care of the Young Master's travelling arrangements, so they could afford some time to say their goodbyes over a cup of tea.

- Son! – Wei Ying leaned in to kiss Lan Sizhui's cheeks. – Did you sleep well?

- Yes, Papa, very well! – he smiled, watching his dads, once again, sitting together, hugging.

- Ugh, awful weather! How will you travel, my baby? Please, write to me as soon as you get there! I need to know you are well! Promise me, A-Yuan! – Wei Ying wailed, looking through the window with disgust and disdain.

- Us. We. – Lan Wangji murmured over his tea.

Wei Ying ignored him, but then changed his mind and reached to kiss his cheek gently, smiling. Lan Wangji hummed, sipping on his tea without any further comment. Lan Sizhui laughed out loud happily, taking some bits of food – it was a long way ahead, and he knew the next meal for him might be very well into the evening.

- I promise I will write! Dad, Papa. – he bowed lightly to the one, and then to the other. – It is so good to be home, I wish I didn't have to leave. But you also must tell me all the news! About the baby too!

- If you manage to get a couple of days off – we are going to see you at Lotus Pier in three months' time, A-Yuan. – Lan Zhan said calmly.

Wei Wuxian looked at him, surprised.

- Are we now? – he huffed. – Why don't I know about it, husband?

- I thought a lot about it, my love. It is not so very far, and you can ride with me.

Wei Ying felt the grip on his waist tighten. He smiled faintly; he was pretty sure Hanguang-Jun was doing this subconsciously. But he always loved it. He moved to sit even closer into Lan Zhan's embrace.

- I really need to see my brother, and I think you also need to talk to Sandu Shengshou. If Miao Lu is pregnant by then, we might have to leave her here, but if the weather is fine – we could ride together. I would like to stay and see how Lan Huan is doing. He was ... desperate when I saw him last.

- Hmm, I see. – Wei Ying nodded. – A-Yuan, it will be great to see you again, and see your present for your dad's birthday too!!! – he grinned mischievously.

- Haha, Papa! You are impossible! – he laughed. – I will try!

Bai Li interrupted the laughter after a soft knock on the door.

- Young Master, all is set and ready. Do the Masters need anything further? – she had expected the be summoned even earlier, as per Hanguang-Jun request from the previous night, but he seemed to be reluctant to do it, and postponing the conversation. She was guessing the topic, though.

- Yes, stay, Bai Li. You can take your goodbyes with A-Yuan. And then I will want a word.

She bowed and took the seat next to Lan Sizhui and, taking his hand in hers gently, said:

- Master, please promise me to take care of yourself, when I am not there to take care of you. – she said quietly. – And please visit more often, if you can.

- Bai Li! Why are you so worried all of a sudden? – he raised his eyebrows, wondering. – I always take care! Ah, Li-jie, you spend too much time with my dads! You have started to act like them! – he smiled, but took her hands and brought them to his lips to kiss respectfully as if it was his mother.

She brushed tears away quickly and bowed a little.

- You are like a son to me, Master, I have watched you grow up to be the man you are today. I will always worry.

Lan Zhan was waiting patiently for them to talk; he most definitely was not in a hurry for Lan Sizhui to leave. Wei Wuxian was relaxing in his arms, and he thought to himself that he was very quiet today. He took a deep breath and drew him a little nearer, his right arm wrapped around his waist, making sure he was there, that he was safe, that he was close... He leaned in a little and kissed his neck gently. He loved the fact that Wei Ying was carrying his hair up in a tail again. In this way, his neck was always open and welcoming kisses. He heard him sigh a little at the gentle touch, but he seemed distracted. At least he was eating. It was something.

- Bai Li, please tell us about Miao Lu. How is she? Any change? – he finally interrupted the sentimental talk between his son and his housekeeper, knowing both too well.

Wei Ying shivered a little, and leaned his head into his chest, searching for the warmth of his robes. He let go of the chopsticks and wrapped both his arms around him now, to keep him warm.

- Yes, Master Lan. – she stood up and bowed low now. – I think she is generally fine. No major change, really. She tells me she feels very tired. I don't think she is on her monthly flow yet, but you have to talk to her. And also, Master – a woman always feels these things. She can tell that something is different, trust me. If you ask me, I think the lass is with child, she has been daydreaming too much lately, and she always looks flushed. She talks about Master Wei too often too. – she grinned and raised an eyebrow.

Wei Ying blushed and hid his face even deeper into Hanguang-Jun's chest. Lan Zhan frowned:

- What does that mean now? Cut the minced words, Bai Li!

- Well, Master, I cannot be sure, but I think the silly girl is in love with Master Wei here.

Lan Sizhui spit his tea and laughed out loud. It was an old story, but it usually happened with Hanguang-Jun – women were mesmerized by him whenever he entered a room. Both his dads were very good-looking, but would never even think about looking at a woman that way.

- Nonsense. – Wei Ying mumbled, but he felt two very strong arms crush him into an embrace that some would consider a deadly prison. He gasped and turned his head slowly so that he was facing his husband now. Lan Wangji's face meant murder. He managed to whisper:

- Bai Li, leave. A-Yuan, wait for us outside, we will be just a minute.

They both left, bowing respectfully, without a comment.

The grip on his body had not lessened, on the contrary, but he did not protest, or try to change that. He was now whispering, breathlessly, in Lan Zhan's neck:

- Please, remember who you are... remember who I am... remember, my love.

Lan Wangji's eyes were dark, he was gnashing his teeth, and his hands were pressing Wei Ying's waist to his body forcefully, painfully, as if he wanted to pull him in fully, pull him into himself, pull him inside his own body. Wei Ying panted, almost out of air, and closing his eyes, he said hoarsely:

- If you have to kill me, do it now, beloved. There is nothing I want more than to die in your arms.

Lan Zhan was suddenly startled by the absolute silence of the empty room. He felt Wei Ying's body limp and too relaxed in his arms, and he immediately let go of him, terrified. His brain finally realized his last words, and he cried:

- Wei Ying! Wei Ying! Oh Gods... Please no... Say something... Please...

He laid him down and undid his belt, hoping he would start breathing again. His face was very peaceful and very pale. In a few moments his eyelashes fluttered and he saw Lan Zhan, hovering over him, crying silently.

- I hurt you again...again... Again, my love, again, again.

The pain written all over his face was breaking Wei Wuxian's heart. He lifted his hand and caressed the beautiful face, smiling at him and murmuring:

- I would let you do it again. Any day, any time.  A love so strong hurts, beloved. We all pay for our pleasure. Do not cry, please. I love you. I love you very much.

They held each other gently, breathing together, trying to hide it all, bury it, so that they could face their son, so that they could face the world. Finally, Wei Wuxian spoke quietly:

- I am afraid you have to carry me, my love. I feel a little dizzy. Let's see A-Yuan off. He will miss his dads just as much as we will miss him, I'm sure.

Lan Zhan wiped his face and lifted him up with ease. Wei Ying leaned into him, and clung to him with all the strength he could muster. Embracing again, they went out to find Lan Sizhui ready to set out. He waved at them happily and they approached for final hugs and kisses.

- Dad, Papa, I just said goodbye to Miao Lu too. She looked very pale, I think she might be ill. – he mumbled.

- I promise, we will check on her as soon as you go, my love. – Wei Ying winked at him and gave him a hug and a noisy kiss on the cheek. – Don't you worry, all will be fine, A-Yuan! Have a safe journey!

Lan Zhan's face was ice and stone. He managed to mutter:

- Be safe, my son. We will see each other soon, if the Gods allow it.

Lan Sizhui smiled and mounted his horse, waving last goodbyes to everyone, and they set off.

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan stood there for a long time, watching him get further away, and even after he was gone, none dared move. It felt like something was lost, gone forever. There was a dark premonition in Wei Wuxian's heart, but he did not know what it meant.

- Take me to bed, Lan Zhan. I don't feel so good. – Wei Ying said in the end, seeking support in his husband's strong body.

Hanguang-Jun took him in his arms again and carried him to the bedroom; he helped him undress carefully and helped him into bed. He felt numb with terror and anguish, his hands were trembling. Wei Ying could see that he was constantly on the brink of tears and was smiling at him, trying to assure him that he was alright.

- I just need to rest a little, my love. Please, go talk to LuLu, it cannot wait. I love you, Lan Zhan...never forget that. – he said weakly.  

- I can't live without you. Don't leave me. Please. – Lan Zhan whispered, kissing his lips quickly and carefully.

- Never. – Wei Ying said gently and turned his back to him to hide his own tears.

Lan Wangji left him, hoping he would manage to get some sleep. He stood outside in the cold, inhaling and exhaling deeply, as if the ice in the air could purify him – he felt defiled, disgusted with himself. He desperately needed to work on curbing his anger. 

His peace, his composure were somehow things from the past now; he even vaguely wondered if he ever was that person. His constant fear for his beloved was making the ground beneath his feet crumble, and he acted foolishly, and irrationally. 

And he was hurting him.