[[忘羡 | WangXian 3]] : Our Flesh And Bones

[Xicheng]

 Jiang Cheng was whipping his horse mercilessly as he rode at an incredible speed. He couldn't wait to get away from that place, from those people – people who brought mess and confusion into his soul. He wanted to be home, safe. 

The path was going through the mountains, through a forest that was all leafless now; the smell of snow and the damp, rotting foliage was in the air, but he made a point not to notice, not to think, not to feel. It had been too much for him, and he had shut down, counting on his horse's strength and stamina to take him as far as possible. It was a two-day ride, but he wanted to get home in one; yes, even if it killed that same horse.

All of a sudden he pulled the reins sharply – there was a white spot in the semi-darkness, moving slowly, very clearly visible in the bare woods. He tried to calm down the sweaty horse now, going slower too, approaching from behind.

- Goddamn it.  –  he cursed under his breath.

It seemed that Lan Xichen had taken the same path earlier that morning, because he was riding on ahead of him, not hurrying at all, deep in thought. He hadn't noticed him yet, which really spoke volumes – anyone from the Lan Clan would have long detected movement at such a distance. It was true then - Zewu-Jun had given up, shut down.

He hesitated for a moment. Should he just turn into another road? Or go talk to him... The last words he spoke to him were burning in his mind and would not go away. It was all true – it was as if he was waiting for something, something to move him deeply. Was this it? And – how did he know?

Was it karma? Was he being punished – to live through the thing he despised most, the thing he hated his brother for, degrading, shameful...?

The thing that shocked him the most was that he was even thinking about it, considering it. He thought his reaction would be to just be pissed off and totally ignore it, forget about it.

Or was it Fate now? Was he being given one more chance? Was it a mere coincidence that he was meeting yet again someone who didn't want to be found, who wanted to be far away from everybody, in seclusion, for the rest of his life? 

Jiang Cheng shuddered; he could not imagine how Lan Wangji felt about this – the two brothers looked cold and reserved, but they were close to each other and loved each other dearly. Today he only saw care and concern for Wei Wuxian in him... Was this what true love meant? Was this what he could have too...?

He never really knew how he approached Lan Xichen, faster, feeling the need to have these questions answered.

- Lan Huan! Halt!

Lan Xichen stopped his horse and looked back, eyes wide open. Had he come after him...For him? He felt his heart skipping a beat.

- Sandu Shengshou? Why are you here?

Jiang Cheng growled, now bringing the horses close together, very red in the face:

- This is the road to Lotus Pier, you idiot! Did you do it on purpose?!

- I ... I never thought about it... I never expected you to leave Cloud Recesses so soon. Although, now that I think about it... Maybe it makes sense. – he said thoughtfully.

- Enough with this half-talk! Speak clearly for once in your life, will you?  -  Jiang Cheng fumed and leaned in to grab his robe and shake him violently.

- Uh, alright. I am sorry. If I had known you'd be coming after me so soon, I would have taken a different road. Forgive me, Sandu Shengshou.  –  he tried to bow a little and smiled, gasping at the firm grip on his clothes. 

He didn't try to get away from him, he just stared in those almond eyes, knowing well that this was the last time. He tried to memorize his face, something to take away and cherish later.

Jiang Cheng looked up and stared at Lan Xichen's face too. He had always thought that after so many years he should know that face and that frame too well. But his words bothered him; he could not accept that he even took a chance on Zewi-Jun's proposal. 

Those sorrowful eyes... The mourning clothes...

He helplessly looked at the delicate lips, the pale skin; being so close, he could feel the scent his body was giving away – a memory of winter and blue dead water. Why was his heart beating faster? Why was he even here?

- The things you said back there... Did you really mean them? – Jiang Cheng mumbled shyly, confused.

Lan Xichen's face went blank, and then it went dark. He said menacingly and his voice cut like ice:

- I already lost Jin Guangyao. Don't do this. It is too cruel, Sandu Shengshou.

- I am a bitter man. Cruelty is all I have. Do you understand this, Zewu-Jun?

Lan Xichen saw how his fire gradually subdued, and his grip on the snow-white Gusu Clan robes loosened too, but he didn't let go of them. Jiang Cheng lowered his eyes and clenched his teeth - he could not bear another to witness his tears.

Lan Xichen reached out and caressed his forehead and his hair carefully.