𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎 & 𝙰𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 | 𝙱1 𝚂𝙺𝚉 𝙵𝙵

13

- - this will probably be the last chapter to have a warning of sexual activity. After this chapter it's to be expected. I don't mean to offend, but this IS a Fanfiction. - -

[Han's pov]

I've been anxious ever since Chan had texted me earlier. Separately. Be in your room when I get home. I hadn't exactly known what he meant. I'm still sitting on one of the couches though. Feeling the cushions move as Hyunjin and Jeongin wrestle around, giggling.

I could see Changbin was pacing in the kitchen from where I was sitting. He seemed very uneasy. His lips were moving as if he was talking to someone. It may be Seungmin, he may be trying to vent or something. I don't know, so much seems to be happening in one day and it's beginning to overwhelm me. My phone dinged again. This time the text was from Heidi.

You weren't in class today, don't forget our presentation is tomorrow. I'd like to have a good grade.

Great, yet another thing to worry about. I could hear my anxiety quietly whisper to me, not loud enough to hear it yet. I could feel it begin creeping over my skin. Something was wrong and I subconsciously knew it.

Everything and everyone shows me that all will be okay, but I'm anxious. It comes as an electrical storm in my brain that, quite honestly, is painful. It's different from a headache and it feels the same as intense sorrow, perhaps as a sort of frozen panic with nowhere to go. So though I appear calm, my sad eyes are saying far more than "Help me," they are saying that my soul is in such unbearable pain, and I have such a strong feeling that is because I've had been deprived of any form of love I could have had. It's because I never fit in with any group of friends that I was shoved towards. Decisions that were made for me, that were not for me but for everyone else.

The anxiety sits below my smile, my actions, my silly jokes... It is there like over- caffienation but without the option not to drink a cup. So there I am, all amped up with no escape. I know that I've I sit like this any longer I could overload. Anxiety being the virus that causes my brain to overwhelm itself. I could shut down, but I refused to. I stood and went upstairs. I know Felix is still in the room and I know I can talk to him. I know he will help me.

"Felix?" My voice was already shaking and I didn't like it. He was sitting on his bed hugging his knees, but the second he heard my voice he straightened and a second later when he looked at me he stood. The knot in the back of my throat began to form as he slowly walked over to me, warming my forearms with his hands.

"Jisung.. what's wrong?" His voice was shaky too. Did I come at a bad time? Should I help him instead? Should I even bother trying to explain what's wrong, tell him the truth and say 'I don't actually know.' I just stood there, staring through his chest.

"I don't know. I just feel like something is off, but I don't know what it is." I tried to shrug away the shakes and the tingles I was beginning to feel. I didn't want to do this, not now. Not that I have much of a choice.

My anxiety always creeps in slowly, as it did earlier. Though, it seems to be raining down on my like a storm that is endlessly hovering over me. The panicking winds blow through my veins as the thunders of my thoughts begin to drown out everything else.

I didn't realize we were in the ground until Felix pulled my into his lap. He kissed my hair and held me tightly.

"Jisung, it's going to be okay." He held my face with his hands. "Can you look at me?" My eyes found his, and my heart stopped. The storm stopped. "No matter what happens, I'm here for you. Can you promise something?" I sucked in a breath and nodded. "Promise me that you'll always believe in me, because I know I'll believe in you more than anyone else will." Where this who thing was coming from, I had no clue.