Reflections - TWD

116. I can't.

⚠️mentions of suicidal thoughts + it will be a theme in the book for the chapters after this⚠️

Isabella held onto Aaron's arm, trying to help him walk and guiding him through the forest. She was also trying to keep going at a decent pace so that Negan couldn't get too far. With all respect, he was getting pretty old, he couldn't run that fast. The only thing was, she didn't know if they had crossed the border. It was too dark to see and she barely had any idea where the new border was now set.

"Negan!" Aaron rasped.

"C'mon," Isabella whispered, tugging him towards the small building she saw up ahead. "There's a cabin there."

She managed to pull Aaron up the steps without him falling, he'd clearly done something to his eyesight when wrestling with that walker. Aaron pulled the door open, pushed her inside and then closed it.

It was way too dark in the cabin and Isabella reached to her pocket, that's when she realized that she'd left in on the forest floor. Goddamn it.

"Aaron, stop!" Isabella whisper-shouted when he hit the window with his metal arm, one of the spikes smashing the glass and the sounds of walkers groaning came from the outside. "Aaron!" Isabella tried to find the room he was in, but she could barely tell. Her hearing wasn't getting any better.

That's when she heard the front door open, and she knew where that was, so she ran back to the front of the cabin, only to be met with Negan, holding a pipe and two dead walkers on the floor, Aaron beneath him.

"You're a joke," she slammed her hands against his arm.

"It's not that big of a deal, Bells. Had fun lookin' for me, didn't ya both?"

God, she hated it when he called her Bells. It felt like she was betraying everything she ever knew. Her family called her that, Negan wasn't supposed to be a part of that, but somehow he was weaselling his way in.

"No," Isabella breathed. "No, we didn't. None of us have any idea where we are. We could be on the whisperers land and not even know it."

"It's not that big of a deal," Negan repeated, holding out a hand for Aaron to grab onto.

"Not that big of a deal?" Isabella's eyes widened. "Oh, yeah, Negan. It's not that big of a deal until they drag you into a barn and decapitate your friend's heads in front of you and stick them on spikes, then it's a big deal, right?"

Negan turned to Isabella, his eyes turning softer, like he was going to try and comfort her. Isabella shook her head and pointed down at Aaron.

"Help him."

Negan sighed but held his hands up in a mock surrender and then kneeled down in front of Aaron, who just mumbled. "I can't see."

"Flowers growing out of the walkers is hogweed," Negan said as if either of the pair knew what that meant.

"Hogweed?" Aaron repeated.

Negan shook his head. "Nasty shit. Causes rashes, blindness."

Isabella turned her head to the side and pulled down her jacket sleeve, looking at where the walker had briefly touched her. The skin was all red and irritated and practically on fire. "Well, my day could just not get any better, huh?" She mumbled to herself before pulling her sleeve back up and placing her hand on it.

"Is it permanent?" Aaron asked.

Negan tilted his head from side to side a couple of times. "Sometimes. You wash your eyes out?"

Isabella knew the answer to that. They had briefly stopped and basically just poured all the water they had into Aaron's eyes, trying to fix whatever was wrong with them.

"Yeah, it's- it's gone," Aaron stuttered. He held his arm out between him and Negan, like he was scared that Negan would attack him or something.

"Parched?" Negan asked. Isabella tapped her foot impatiently, she just wanted to get out of the forest, out of where any whisperers may be.

"Yeah," Aaron mumbled with a slight nod. Negan took his water bottle out of his bag and held it out to Aaron, who gladly took it and started to drink almost the entire thing. Then, he grabbed around Aaron's shoulders and pulled him to his feet. Isabella started to move to the door, thinking that's where they were going, but Negan helped Aaron over to another seat.

"No," Isabella shook her head. "We can't stay out here any longer."

"We can't leave now, kiddo, got wait until the morning," Negan walked over to the window, looking out of it.

Isabella took a shaky breath in. "Negan, I can't stay out here."

She couldn't. Her body wouldn't let her, she sure as hell couldn't wait another couple of hours. She was already shaking and almost in tears at just the thought of being out here.

"I need to go home. I need Daryl," Isabella then turned to Aaron, trying to talk to him even though his eyes were closed. "Are you sure you can't make it? I'll help you, I just- I can't do this."

Negan grabbed Isabella's arm and pointed at Aaron, who was already falling asleep. "Look at him. There's no way in hell we're making it anywhere with him until the morning. Get some rest."

Isabella shook her head again and took her hand up to her head, using it to grip onto her hair and pull it a little. She felt so trapped. She was too scared to go out there alone, but she really didn't want to stay in here.

It was like being in a room with no way of oxygen getting in or out, and soon enough, the air already in the room was gonna run out and Isabella would be in a mode of panic to the point that it would feel like she was gonna die and nothing could help except for Daryl, the comfort of his arms and the way he'd stoke her hair to soothe her like she was a child. His own child.

"All right," Negan mumbled and tapped Aaron's shoulder. "C'mon. Time to go."

•

Isabella felt bad for Aaron, but she needed to get home. Aaron hadn't argued, but she still felt so guilty. How could she be so absorbed in her own feelings that she didn't take a second look at anyone else's?

Isabella walked into her house, knowing that that's where Daryl was, he walked up to her, pulling her head into his shoulder.

"Is everyone okay?" She mumbled, turning her head to the side to rest her cheek on his shoulder.

"Yeah, we're all good," Daryl nodded.

"Okay," Isabella breathed and Daryl pulled away from the hug, sitting down on the couch. She wanted to talk to him so badly, about what she felt while she was out there, not being scared of dying anymore, not making the attempt to avoid it. But she couldn't open her mouth and say anything about it. It was too painful, and the pain it would put onto Daryl would be just as bad. "I changed my mind. Can we watch a movie?"

Daryl let a small smile creep onto his face. He didn't know the truth. He couldn't. "'Course, you pick one out."

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