Reflections - TWD

48. Deja-vu.

⚠️slight mention of self-harm in this chapter⚠️

Isabella sat in the front next to Glenn and Eugene, Tara and Nicholas were unconscious in the back of the truck. Eugene had stabilised Tara, but he didn't bother to take a look at Nicholas.

"Maybe- maybe he was just scared. He doesn't...he hasn't been out there like we have." Isabella was trying to justify Nicholas' actions, she hated it. Why did she have to see the good side of everyone and everything? Why did nothing that anyone did wrong ever actually seem wrong to her? She only realised that John was bad after he died.

"Jesus, Isabella! Will you just stop seeing everything through rose-tinted glasses for two fucking minutes?!" Glenn shouted at her, he had a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel and was driving like Abraham, so, like a maniac.

Isabella knew it was wrong. What Nicholas did was wrong but she didn't want to admit it, she wanted to pretend like it didn't happen and that Nicholas could be good.

Once Glenn raised his voice, tears filled Isabella's eyes. He hardly ever shouted, and never at Isabella. He was stressed, so Isabella decided to shut up and let him drive.

When they arrived back through the gates, it was nightfall. Isabella walked into the house, hoping to see Daryl, but he wasn't back yet. Great, she wanted a hug and she couldn't even get that.

She paced upstairs and found herself in the bathroom, there was a candle lit in there. It reminded her of when she saw Daryl burn himself. She considered putting her finger over the flame for a moment to punish herself, but she decided not to.

Isabella looked up at herself in the mirror. Her hair was knotted like usual. She wasn't smiling anymore, there were a couple of bruises on her face, a few cuts.

"I didn't do it. I didn't do it. I tried to stop him, I tried to stop them all, I tried my best." Isabella mumbled, looking at herself in the mirror as she tapped her finger on the counter.

"Stop it. Stop it." She pressed her hands to her temples and squeezed her eyes shut. But alls she saw was Noah, pressed up against the glass. Screaming, being torn apart.

Isabella lost her temper, picking up the soap dish and throwing it at the mirror, letting it smash in the middle and sending cracks around it in a circular pattern.

There was a knock on the bathroom door, but it was already open. "Bells, I need to hear this from you, too." Rick said softly. "C'mon."

He guided her out of the bathroom and down the stairs, letting her sit on the couch. Rick ignored the broken mirror, he knew something was wrong, he knew that Isabella wouldn't do that.

"Can you just tell me what happened? From when you saw the grenade? Glenn told me what happened before that." Rick said and Isabella nodded.

"Um, well there was a walker with armour on. Glenn told Aiden to let it get closer, but he kept on firing. The grenade exploded and- and, um, Aiden got impaled through his shoulder and ,uh, ribs. I think...um, Tara got hurt, Eugene helped her." Isabella looked down, knowing the two deaths she had to explain next.

"Take your time, sweetie." Rick nodded at her and she took a moment to breathe and kept looking at her knees. She didn't want to cry, but if she was going to, she wasn't going to let anyone see.

"We went back out to help Aiden, Nicholas ran away and then the walkers came...I was trying real hard. I swear, I tried so hard." Isabella muttered that last bit to herself and Rick nodded reassuringly. He knew how hard it was for a kid to do all of this.

"Then we followed Nicholas, he ran out of the building so I followed him. But there were walkers outside to. There was, uh, one of those spinny doors. Nicholas and I went into one side...Glenn and- and Noah in the other." Isabella managed to get out, but she just stopped, she didn't want to tell the rest.