Hey guys! I know we've already talked about this quite a bit, but this is a very serious topic, and speaking about it is important.
I personally don't have social anxiety, or, well, I don't most of the time. I have bipolar disorder, which is a metal illness caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and it causes extreme mood periods that can last months or even years.
With BPD there are many symptoms, I'm not going to talk about them here though because I already wrote a whole chapter on my experience and how it affects a persons ability to function.
I've always been an introvert. I don't enjoy speaking with people face to face unless I know them very well, and I find social interaction exhausting. Currently, I'm in the middle of a depressive episode. I'm having trouble with suicidal thoughts and tiredness. I'm also on vacation on the other side of the country, so I can't hide from it.
This episode hasn't been as severe as the last, but I've been having troubles with anxiety and hallucinations/hearing voices.
I never realized how crippling social anxiety could be before now, and I just wanted to let all of you know that you're amazing. I can barely talk to my parents at this point, and the fact that you can go out and face the day is astounding.
You're all so strong, and I have no doubt that you'll all go on to do amazing things.
I've never had problems with talking to people. On the outside I'm very calm and level headed. Most people say that I'm very mature for my age. I'd never been afraid to talk to people until three weeks ago, the start of a new depressive episode. Since I'm on vacation, I've been meeting new people and going out of my hotel room frequently.
I've never enjoyed talking to people. I find that most conversations are pointless and usually end up forgotten in the long run. I've had anxiety attacks before. I've locked myself in my room in fear from something that was no threat, but not like this.
This is a constant fear of social interaction inability to get along with people. I can't even think about leaving the house without wanting to cry. I know that it's an irrational fear, and I know that it'll be gone as soon as this episode passes, but it feels so real.
I have no idea where this came from. When I was five I loved talking to people. I still enjoy conversations, although they annoy me (like my younger sister).
I have no idea where this came from. When I was five I loved talking to people. I still enjoy conversations, although they annoy me (like my younger sister). Or, I used too. I can't enjoy conversations with my favourite people anymore. The only thing I want to do is curl up in my room and hide from everyone.
I don't think I'll ever look at anxiety the same way. For those of you who haven't experienced anxiety, it's like your getting chased by a murderer, while having to make small talk with strangers, and that's it. It doesn't stop. Constant fear and no way to control it, even if there's no reason for it.
To all of you currently struggling, or who will ever struggle, you'll be alright. It will get better, and if it doesn't, you will get stronger. Because you are strong, you are brave, and you will be okay. We all will be. It's never so bad that there's no reason to keep going. If you feel like you're stopped, don't worry, you only left to get gas. You can continue on the road, you just have to be able to get to the station.
Challenge of the day: Smile. Not a fake smile, not a dead inside smile, a genuine smile. Give yourself something g to hope for. Watch a funny video, meet a really nice person, talk to your friends. Just smile. A frown can pull you down, but a smile can make you soar. Find a reason to smile every day. Eventually you'll have more reasons to smile than to frown. You'll be alright.
Song of the day: Heroes by Måns Zemerlöw
Quote of the day: When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change. - Avatar Aang, Avatar: The Legend Of Korra
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Sorry guys, I've been having troubles with writing, so I can only do two chapters this week.
Also, just thought y'all should know, I will no longer be writing for SGC. I'll be working more behind the scene and helping things run smoothly. I won't be on often, so feel free to send a message to my main account @youngestofthebunch if you have questions about anything, or if you need someone to talk to. I'm on there everyday.
Stay lovely ❤️❤️ ~ Gigi