For the rest of the tour, Joey and I have stopped fighting so far. Though everytime we saw each other or were close to each other it was as if we had barely met. As for my dad and John, they weren’t really the same like they used to be before the incident, by that I mean my dad wasn’t too nice to John anymore, but John didn’t do anything about it. We were in Germany, for the guys to play at the Rock am Ring. We were all backstage just hanging out and I was talking to Joey.
“so the band and I decided that this is gonna be our last tour, California is gonna be the last place we’re gonna play at and then we’re going on a hiatus” he said taking a sip of his water.
“really?! Why?! You guys are so fucking awesome! I’m gonna miss you guys not being around”
“yea well I’m gonna miss not being around too, but I have to get back to working with Slipknot”
“oh that’s right you’re still in Slipknot, well Slipknot does kick fucking ass and I do miss the band not putting up new album” I said laughing
“yup, I love being in the Murderdolls and seeing the ghoulscouts, but I miss Slipknot and my Maggots”
“aww how cute! Its great that you care about the fans”
“yup”
“and I’m gonna miss seeing you in lipstick and fishnets and platform boots”
“well maybe you can come tour with me and the ‘Knot when we start touring, if your dad isn’t touring”
“sure I’d like that” I said with a smile. Then we both got startled with John screaming,
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” he screamed in horror. Joey and I looked over at him and saw that my dad had poured a bucket of cold ice water with the ice inside, all over him and he was soaked and shaking while my dad laughed his ass off and John like always didn’t say anything. I sighed.
“I wish my dad wasn’t such an ass sometimes” I said
“I’m sorry its my fault, if I didn’t blurt out everything I said, none of this wouldn’t be happening, and John wouldn’t be suffering” Joey said
“its alright” I said looking at John who had left.
“I’m gonna go talk to him” I said as he nodded and I left after him.
“John are you alright?” I said grabbing a towel from a roadie that passed by and handed it to John,
“yeah” was all he said as he took the towel
“you sure?”
“October…. I’m not alright” he said sitting on one of the steps of the stairs that were there.
“why? Is it cuz of my dad?” I asked sitting next to him
“no its not your dad” he said as I saw tears fall from his eyes
“John, you’re scaring me whats wrong?”
“some of my family members have already passed away and its just I’m gonna miss them and I hate that I wasn’t there to say goodbye or for their funeral, and with your dad here making it worse I just don’t know what to do” he said with tears streaming down his face.
“oh John I’m so sorry!” I said pulling him into a hug. We stayed like that for a while trying to calm him until it was time for the show. We all went backstage and the Murderdolls were going to play first as usual I went over to my dad where he was putting his make-up on.
“god dad, that’s a lot of make-up” I said laughing
“well I need to look like Mickey Mouse!” he said happily
“right, so you want me to call you Manson Mouse?”
“hmm that works that works”
“ok, well I wanted to talk to you”
“ok shoot”
“well I was just wondering if you could take it easy on John for a bit”
“why?!”
“cuz, hes just not feeling well”
“riiiight”
“really dad, just take it easy on him” I said kissing his head before leaving. I went back to where the Dolls were performing and Joey just looked so gorgeous, maybe I should give him another chance. Then when they finished their set, my dad was next in just a few minutes after. The Dolls all got off stage and went to their girls while my dad's crew were getting this equipment up and then in moments, there he was performing with the rest of the band.
“hey!” Joey said coming up behind me.
“hey” I said with a smile
“so what happened with John earlier I saw him crying in your arms”
“well it turns out some of his close family members passed away and he's just sad he that didn’t get to see them”
“oh well that sucks”
“yea it does” I said looking back at the stage as they finished playing a song, then they began to play ‘The Beautiful People’ and then that’s when things went all downhill, right before my dad started to sing the song. My dad yelled at the audience and started kicking his feet up in the air while walking around to the beat of the guitar riff and then got closer to John and had kicked John making him pretty pissed off so he threw his guitar on the ground and started yelling at my dad. I gasped and covered my face with my hands to look away. Then seconds later John got another guitar and started playing again and they finished the song. When they finished their set John was the first to get off the stage and looked really pissed off so we all went back at the dressing room, then I went over to my dad.
“dad what the fuck was that? I asked you nicely to take it easy on John and you make it worse! Why’d you do that?!” I asked pretty pissed off.
“it was an accident, besides he deserved it, so he had it coming” my dad said
“why?! What the fuck did I do Brian?!” John asked coming towards him
"That was really uncalled for her dude" Pogo chimmed in
“stop whining ok, I’m sorry John now everyone just shut up” my dad said
“no Brian! Tell me why did you that?! Tell me the fucking truth?!”
“John it was an accident and you were in the way and I already fucking apologized what else do you fucking want huh?! So I suggest you stop whining”
“bullshit! Fucking tell me Brian”
“because you slept with my fucking daughter ok! There are you happy now! I did it cuz you slept with October—happy?!”
“what?! You still have that against me?! I thought we already settled that?!”
“yea we did, but I am sick and tired of you always being around my daughter! And Joey just told me that he saw you with my daughter practically crying to her that is so fucking typical John!”
“I was crying because some of my family members had just fucking died and I couldn’t even go see them when they were dying or even go to their funeral and you were just making it worse ok! And that’s the fucking truth” John yelled almost in tears. My dad just looked at him speechless,
“John…I’m sorry…really I mean it, its just after what happened, I’ve just gotten more paranoid” my dad said calmly
“yea, well I’m just gonna finish the rest of this fucking tour, and then I’m leaving”
“if that’s what you want, then alright” my dad said as John nodded
“yea…thanks” was all John said before leaving. I felt tears on my eyes now and I looked at Joey.
“and I thought you’ve change, and I fucking believed you when you said that you weren’t an asshole!” I yelled at Joey as I left the room as well. For the rest of the tour I didn’t talk to Joey at all.
We’ve all been touring for almost a year now and it was now barely 2004 [lets say its January]. Joey and I still didn’t talk to each other, we didn’t fight but we just ignored each other. As for my dad, I was upset with him about the John incident we had but we all got over it and everyone decided it was for the best and it was what John really wanted after all. We were finally back in California for the final day of touring. Everyone was back stage doing their own thing while I was in the bathroom crying. I couldn’t believe this would be the last day I would see John, and then just when I was starting to get closer to Joey and trust him, he goes out and becomes an asshole again, and I feel like this is all my fault, I just didn’t know what to do. When I finished, I wiped my tears away and got out of the bathroom stall and looked at myself in the mirror then started fixing myself so that it wouldn’t look like I was crying. After that I went out and started to look for everyone, and passed by Joey.
“October! Wait can we talk for a sec?” Joey said following me
“fuck off Joey I don’t wanna talk to you”
“October c’mon!”
“JOEY! Just leave me the fuck alone! Ok! I don’t wanna talk to you!” I yelled looking at him
“oh so then that’s it?! You’re just going to ignore me cuz you don’t want me to explain what really happened?”
“just leave me alone Joey. I’m really not in the mood to talk ok—John’s leaving the band after today and its all my fault.” I said calmly with tears starting to form before leaving and this time he didn’t follow me.
Joeys POV:
As I saw her leave, I just sighed frustrated about not knowing what to do now. I didn’t know why it took me very long to talk to her. I looked around and saw Elizabeth talking to Kimberly, so went up to them
“hey” I said
“hey!” they both said with smiles
“can you two do me a favor?”
“sure but it depends” Elizabeth said
“yea what is it?” Kimberly said
“well I was wondering if you guys can talk to October for me”
“ooooh no! we’re not getting involved!” Kimberly said laughing
“yea we’re not gonna fix your problem—you do it yourself!” Elizabeth said
“I already tried and she won't give me a chance! She said shes not in the mood”
“that’s cuz of John, shes been crying a lot lately” Kimberly answered
“she was?!” both Elizabeth and I said in unison
“yea, I already talked to her, and shes just a little depressed about John leaving” Kimberly explained
“but why? Why John?” I asked
“dude—they’ve been really close to each other, it was as if they were like siblings or something—closer than her and Wends, you just didn’t know that cuz your jealousy got the best of you and you just had to go and blow things up—twice!” Elizabeth said
“but I didn’t say anything bad that day in Germany! Manson just asked where John was and I said that he was with October and that John looked like he was crying that’s it! That’s all I said I fucking swear!”
“well why don’t you just talk to her? Why did it take you this long to talk to her?” Kimberly asked.
“because she doesn’t want to talk to me at all she won’t even look at me!”
“well, I guess we can try—but you need to talk to her afterwards!” Elizabeth said
“ok! Thanks!” I said leaving. Then I bumped into John.
“John! I really need to talk to you!” I said
“um ok…whats up?” he said
“first of all I just wanna say I’m sorry for telling Manson about what happened with you and October at the cruise”
“ok apology accepted”
“thanks—second of all I didn’t say anything bad to Brian in Germany! Brian just asked me where you were and all I said was that you were with October and you looked like you were crying—that’s it I swear!”
“okay? And your point is?”
“Its my fault that you got kicked out of the band! I’m sorry! If you want I can convince Manson not to let you leave the band!”
“whoa whoa! Hold on—I didn’t get kicked out of the band dude, I just quit the band myself cuz I just need a break off of all this and I’m cool with it”
“well then…can you at least talk to October and tell her later on? She thinks its all her fault and shes been crying lately, plus I’ve tried to talk to her, but she just won’t listen and I still love her and you know that right?”
“yea I know that, but shes been crying?”
“yeah”
“well ok I’ll talk to her later”
“thanks, I just want her to be happy and seeing her like this just makes me wanna be with her more, but she just won’t let me”
“I see…well don’t worry I’m sure she’ll end up talking to you” he said leaving. I sighed then looked around. What am I going to do?
Octobers POV:
We were all on stage watching the Dolls and Manson perform their last show, and then when they finished we all decided to go to a club to celebrate, so we all went back to the bus and started getting ready. I ended up getting dolled up and then when we all were done getting ready, the bus drivers drove us to the club. When we got there, we all sat at a booth and in minutes it was just me, Ginger, Kimberly, Twiggy, Elizabeth, and Wednesday sitting at the booth. I was watching my dad and Dita dance, and I smiled at how great they looked. I wonder if they’ll end up getting married?
“hey Wednesday, can you get me something to drink?” Elizabeth asked
“uh..yea sure” he said getting up to get her the drink
“oh! Can you get me something too Twiggy!” Kimberly asked
“sure hun” he said getting up and kissed her head
“Ginger don’t just sit there get October something to drink too!” Elizabeth said
“no! Ginger its cool I ain’t thirsty” I said
“nah I’ll get you something anyways” he said getting up and leaving then I noticed both Elizabeth and Kimberly were looking at me.
“can I help you?” I said
“uh yea—we need to talk” Elizabeth started
“yup its about Joey” Kimberly said
“oh god what now?” I whined
“well first of all you should give Joey a chance to talk” Kimberly started
“yea, he's really not an asshole he does care about you—and he told us so too” Elizabeth said
“yea that’s cuz hes just fucking filling your minds with lies—just like he did with me” I said
“well that’s what you think, but hes not lying” Elizabeth said
“yea you should have seen him when he was talking to us” Kimberly said
“ok and whats your guy’s point?” I asked
“all we’re saying is that you need to talk to him—just give him a chance to talk” Elizabeth said
“fine…I’ll give him a chance” I said trying to hide my smile.
“yaaaay!” Kimberly yelled as she jumped up the table to hug me.
“October, be honest, do you really still have feelings for Joey?” Elizabeth asked. I sighed
“yea, I still do—but I hate him so much and at the same time I fucking love him” I said
“well then bitch, what are you waiting for?! Go get your man! Talk to the motherfucker!” Kimberly yelled standing up on the table
“yea go do it!” Elizabeth yelled jumping on the table as well
“now?” I asked
“fuck yea now!” Kimberly yelled
“yea if you still love the guy you would go talk to him!” Elizabeth said jumping on the table.
“alright then—I will!” I said happily then I got up and walked around the club looking for Joey. Then I went into the crowd of people at the dance floor hoping to find him, and then I saw him on the other side of the room walking away so then I quickly tried to push pass people and tried following him and then I saw him walk outside and it took me a while to get outside as well but I did it. Then I saw him walk into the bus and then I slowed down, making my way into the bus and starting to get nervous as fuck. Then I finally made my way inside and I didn’t see him after.
“Joey?” I said not so loud, then I started making my way into the bunks and heard some weird noises. I looked around and saw the curtains on his bunk closed, so I got closer to it and slowly opened it and saw him and a slutty looking chick with him half naked and practically having sex. My eyes grew wide and at first I was pretty pissed off and then I quickly felt sad and immediately felt tears streaming down my face.
“October!” was all he said as he pushed the slut away. I just shook my head and shut the curtains back shut and quickly ran out of the bus.
“October! Wait!” I heard him yell. I ignored him and just went out of the bus and quickly hid under the bus so that he wouldn’t find me.
“October please let me explain!” I heard him yell as I also heard his footsteps and I didn’t move until I heard him walk away. When I was sure he was gone, I slowly crawled out from under the bus and stood up brushing the dirt off me, then I wiped some tears away.
“oh its you, thanks for ruining my sex you stupid bitch” I heard a very annoying voice from behind me say. I turned around and saw it was that slutty bitch that was with Joey.
“well you’re very fucking welcome miss cunt!” I said with a smile before punching her on the face with all my strength and making her fall on the ground crying and hurting my fist as well. I rolled my eyes and walked away back into the Marilyn Manson bus. The next day, I woke up in my bed—my own big comfy bed!
“how the fuck did I end up here? I thought I was at the bus?” I said to myself then I looked around and saw that all my bags were also in my room. I got out of bed and saw I was still wearing the clothes from last night. So then I decided to take a shower, then when I finished I fixed my hair and make-up and changed into some black pants and a Slayer shirt. Then I made my way downstairs and saw everyone was there. They were either in the kitchen eating or still passed out from last night.
“oh good you’re awake!” John said as I went in the kitchen.
“yup, I’m awake now but how did I end up in my room?”
“your dad”
“of course” I said hitting myself on the head
“so what happened last night?” he asked quietly pulling me away from everyone else.
“we partied?”
“well I know that, but I was actually talking about Joey”
“fuck Joey”
“October I’m a dude, I only fuck girls”
“not anymore”
“you’re sick—anyways tell me”
“well what did you hear?”
“Joey said you saw him almost fucking a chick, which he says he regrets, and then he was looking for you everywhere to try to explain but you disappeared”
“well then…that’s true”
“oh yeah and then when he got back to the bus, he found the chick he was with on the ground bleeding and crying, and that he just ignored the chick and walked away”
“riiiiight”
“October, I thought you said you had feelings for the guy?”
“I did, I was going to talk to him and that’s when I found him with that slut practically dry humping each other”
“well I’m sure he didn’t mean to do that shit you know, he also talked to me yesterday before the show and you do know it wasn’t his fault that I’m leaving the band, your dad just asked him where I was and all he said was that I was with you and that I looked like I was crying”
“I just don’t know what to believe in anymore”
“he also told me how you blame yourself about me leaving the band and that you’ve been crying”
“who the fuck told him that?!”
“I don’t know”
“great just fucking great” I said leaving and making my way upstairs.
“October wait” he said following me.
“no John you don’t understand it is my fault! If we didn’t fuck at the cruise you would have still been in the band!” I said falling on the floor in tears.
“no it isn’t, I was already planning to leave the band for quite some time now because I just thought this whole thing is hard ok, I was the one who decided to leave the band—not your dad, the only thing he did was just support my decision.” he said sitting next to me
“but… I-I’m gonna miss you”
“I’ll miss you too, but I think its for the best if I did this—besides just cuz I’m out of the band doesn’t mean that we won’t see each other, we’ll still get to see each other!”
“yea… I guess I never thought about that” I said giggling a bit while I wiped my tears away.
“don’t worry about it, just promise me one thing”
“sure what is it”
“talk to Joey he really does care about you a lot, you should have seen the guy last night he was practically crying his fucking eyes out”
“alright…I’ll do it. I don't know why everyones defending the guy, but I'll fucking do it”
“thanks hun” he said hugging me and I hugged him back. We went back inside the house and we noticed everyone was now awake.
“do you know if Joeys still here?” I asked John
“not sure, but I did see him earlier” he said. I nodded and went to go look for him and had no luck, then I found Ben lying on the couch with Amii.
“hey have you guys seen Joey anywhere?” I asked
“uh yea, he left to the airport about an hour ago” Ben said
“what?!!!” I yelled
“but why?!” I said
“he said he was going back to Iowa, had some ‘Slipknot business to take care of’” Ben said
“yea! But he did say to give you this!” Amii said pulling out a folded up paper from out of Ben’s pocket then handed it to me.
“its from him” she said as I took the paper. I looked at it for a bit and then walked away. I went upstairs to my room and sat on my bed looking at the folded up piece of paper. Then after a couple minutes, I unfolded it and started reading it:
Dear October,
I’m sorry for hurting you more than once, I admit I am an asshole and I’m sorry. By the time you read this I’ll probably be in Iowa by now and I’m gonna fucking miss you. I never wanted to lose you and now that I’m already losing you it really makes me want to kill myself. That slut that I was with last night meant nothing I was drunk and I had no idea what I was doing until I saw you. Anyways, I understand if you don’t want to see me again, but all I want to say is that I love you.
Love, Joey Jordison
P.S.- make sure Wednesday doesn’t get near the back yard fence, your neighbors have a new dog and he's been trying to kill the dog since last night.
I felt tears stream down my face again and then laughed a bit from what he said at the end about Wends, but then that laughter soon turned into sobs, and I cried non-stop that day. I was too late. He left already and it was too late.