Sitting for over an hour on the bench Kept in the compound of the orphanage, she was lost in her series of trances. Her eyes were busy with the little kids playing merrily with no care in the world. They ran after each other, hide and seek, dance and sing. At some time, she wished she was them, she would be free of all of the shackles of the world, having no worries than to eat, play and sleep.
Growing up, she thought life will always be the same, with no trials and tribulations. Not knowing this world is full of trials. she remembered when she was at age of 14, since from that year her life wasn't the same as it used to be. It was just full of drama, tension, problems and pressure. Looking at the small girl at age of eight playing around her mates, she looked like the girl that will always seek trouble. Jokingly, she went to one of her friends, moving slowly and carefully not wanting to be caught, she applied what looked like a red color over friend 's cheeks and ran away giggling joyously. The color was the one provided to them when painting but she used it the other way around. The painted girl looked at the retreating back of her friend and she ran also behind, shouting for her to stop as she avenged but the troublesome girl already ran far away from her. The audience laughed at them happily, even if you are not willing to laugh, the painted face of the girl is enough to make you chuckle.
Rewinding back the time, she remembered how she used to be stubborn and troublesome, she had a hard time settling down. A day without looking for trouble or playing a prank on someone is like a day full of dull moments. She used to be a prankster, everyone is aware of that but they never fail to fall into her pranks. Her eyes darted on the little version of herself turning her princess bedroom upside down just insearch of a pencil just to sketch. Then the version of herself in high school climbing over the fences of the school with her cycle of friends which she beguiled into following her just so they can buy streat food and sneak into the old man's garden to get some mangos and other fruits available in the garden. The old man will run after them in order to catch them but his feeble state, he can keep to their pace. because those kinds of things are never brought into the school. She remembered when after school, they would sneak out before their driver came to pick them up. There is one mad man at the far end of the line where the school is located, they will go to his pleasure to seek trouble. The mad man will run after them, they will giggle while running, sounding like mad students too but they didn't give a damn care.
She remembered when they were once caught by the sergeant, they received the punishment of their life and the principal didn't fail to show them In Front of all the school on the assembly ground. She let out a chuckle, reminiscing. All the school knows that they are the thugs of the school, you should never come across them if you want to finish the school in peace. They were five in numbers, Nafeesa nicknamed Feesa, Mufeeda as Mufee, Maimuna as moon, Khadija as Dejama and their group leader Afifah nicknamed Fifa. She remembered when she caused a huge chaos in the school just so they should stop calling her that, to her it was like a football association FIFA. They stopped that though, no one can go against her, they eventually picked up with Afi which she was okay with.
She seems to be reminiscing the olden memories where her life was going smoothly with no bumps or shackles. Looking at the small kids around the age of two to three, she wished one was hers from her blood and flesh. She knows that Nabil also wants that but in order to not make feel bad, he hid his agony, she can see right through him, the lingering gaze he has on Inara when she is around him never fails to miss her eyes.
She should not be selfish. If he is ready to do anything to make her feel better, why can she do the same? He loved the kid and she can't give him that —or maybe not now which she highly doubted. So it is better she let him marry whoever so his dreams can be fulfilled. They say you have to be selfish when it comes to love but they fail to notice that selfish love makes the other person suffer. She has to let him go, if it seems Karima would be her co-wife, she has to give up. This is her destiny and nothing can change it.
"So you are here" a hoarse voice was heard out of the blue, it halted her from her reverie, she looked up to the direction of where the voice came from. She was surprised or confused seeing him standing beside her. Why is he here? Who told him she was here? Because as far as she knows, no one knows she used to come to the place to see the children. "How do you know I'm here?" she asked him instead. Nabil scrutinized her from head to toe before taking a seat beside her, his gaze landing at the little children playing around and then he glanced at her. The satisfied smile she has on her lips is enough to answer all his questions, she found comfort here.
"Through your phone tracking" he answered her and she nodded in understanding. "I called but you didn't pick up" he inquired, and now she remembered she has something called a cell phone. She looked around in search of her bag and when she found it close to her, she searched for her phone inside. Once she took it, five missed calls greeted her. Three from Nabil and two from her mother. She now has the habit of calling her every day to check up on how she is. She knows her daughter was distressed with all this pressure so she usually called to comfort her. "Sorry the phone is in a silent mood and I have no idea what you called," she responded.
He nodded at her and then pulled her close to him before wrapping his arms around."So this is what you occupy yourself with, leaving this lonely guy all alone at home" he remarks playfully.
"Were you lonely?" she asked, sounding nebulous, he hummed in response. "The house sounds boring without you, it never smells like home" he said to her, their eyes all on the kids. "I'm home when I'm with you," he said. Her lips slant into a big… smile.
They all fall into a complete tranquilized silence, both lost in their trance of thoughts with a beautiful smile adorning their face. Whoever passes by, admires and adores them, wishing to be like them. They look like they have no worries or problems haunting them, they are just happy loving couples, not knowing they just choose to smile and hide their problems from the world. That sounds like those happy couples on social media, acting as if their lives surpass the word love and peace to a word which is yet to be added in the world words dictionary, like ain't nobody living peacefully like them. Making the admirers admire them and wish to be them not knowing it's just a facade, the skeleton hidden in their closet is bigger than many people.
We live in a world where the moment we feel pain, we find ourselves sur-
rounded by countless sedatives, promising to take it away. Sex, drugs, alcohol, materialism, consumerism are some of the many escapes we use to distract ourselves from what hurts in our lives. And some of us use other sedatives. Some of us try to lose ourselves in our work and our careers. Some people try to fill the void by “living online”. We disengage from our real life and our real relationships in order to hide in a false social media world, or in our devices and technology. We become dependent upon the immediate and temporary dopamine rush of social approval. We begin to covet likes and followers and share intimate aspects of our lives in the public sphere,waiting for commentary and praise. Waiting to be seen-even if it’s by perfect strangers.
And yet all along, we only become more empty and even more isolated.
"What do you think about adoption?" he asked out of the blue, it sounded like a pickup line. His eyes still on the little children playing excitedly on the playground, his face held the most beautiful smile in the world, he admired them, his arms secured her in his embrace. She looks up to meet his gaze, dumbfounded that if she heard him correctly or was just her ears playing with her. When she clarified that he really said that, she was surprised. "You mean adopting a child" she asked back and he nodded at him, confirming he really meant that.
He brought his hand to her face, caressed her cheeks before putting his finger on her soft angled eyebrow that looked bushy to stroked them tenderly and they were back to their beautiful shape. "You mean we should adopt a child instead of you to take a second wife" she again asked, wanting to say it again because she felt it as a dream. He scrutinized her all over again before speaking up. "How can I take a second just so we couldn't have a child?" he asked her and she looked away from him.
"But you can't do this to yourself, I'm the one with the problem not you" she said again trying to make sense -and she made it but he isn't buying that. "We are, not you alone. Both me and you are in the same boat" he said, sounding adamant.
"But if you take a second wife, you can have a family of your own, a child from your own blood and flesh" she insisted trying to prove her point. "I'm quite sure you will be happy to have that" she went on trying to reason. There was silence for a brief moment, none of them talking.
After a while, Nabil decided to speak up "what of you" he questioned. She retracted her eyes from him. "Will you be happy?" he added. She knew that was the last thing she wanted, it took all her courage to say that to him. She learned that she can't be a hindrance to his dream. All his life he loved children, he loved to be with them and play with them. And she is aware that he is hoping to hold the tiny witty little creatures of his in his arms, and she can't give him that so it is better she let him have it from another woman.
Seeing the sadness in her eyes he let out a wary chortle. "You thought I will be having a child not from you, with another woman, what of you" he asked. She used the sleeve of her dress to wipe away the stubborn tears that were able to come out of her eyes. She remained muted, silence took over the atmosphere with no one of them uttering a word.
"Maryam" he called out, breaking the silence. She looked up to meet his gaze, he looked at her deeply in the eyes, his eyes held strong emotions that intensified how serious he was at the moment. "You are my only wife, my only family. No one will be, no one will walk into our small world. It's me and you alone in this. With children or not, I will spend the rest of my life with you" he confessed, and that made her happy. It enlivened her to hear him saying that. He went on to add "how can I be happy having another wife and a child leaving you behind, will you be happy? Know that our happiness entangles with each other, when you are happy, I'm. And when you are sad, I'm too. Keep that in your mind" he said with her hand held in his tightly not wanting to let go, as if he slacked a bit, he would lose her.
Tears Gushed down her eyes, hearing him saying those loving words made her son in his arms, as he used his on her back to pat her tenderly. "For instance, let's turn the table on me. If it was me with this issue, will you leave me" he questioned and she shook her head in denial immediately. "Same here, so why would I do that to you?" he said in a clear voice, not as before.
"But_"
"No but" he cut her off. So, she hugged him tightly, keeping her head on his chest, hearing his sound heartbeats beneath her ears. She knew she was home, that is where she belonged nowhere else. She wishes the time to stop, the whole world to stop revolving so she can enjoy the moment till eternity.
But somewhere deep Inside her heart, there was a voice telling her that there will be brighter days to come, brighter than today. The day she will be happy and there will be nothing but a smile on her face, she looked up to that though.
She wants to be with Nabil, through thick and thin. The happiest moment or the saddest, with all the luxurious the world can offer or without a penny and no shelter. She wants to be with him like this in his embrace,on sunny days, rainy days, winter or monsoon. With a roof on top of them or not. She can manage that and be happy because he is all that she wants. "I love you," she said. Three words made him the happiest man on earth. He hugged her back, kissed her forehead and said "I love you too".
And that's all enough for them….