"Divorce me"
"Divorce me"
"Divorce me"
This is what rings in his ear, it continues to echo for almost five minutes. Nothing else could be heard apart from that. It was as if the world stopped revolving around the only two of them. His eyes saw only a spark, his whole body felt like an electric current shocked him and a full bucket of ice was washed all over him drenching him in the coldest way. His hand shakes on its own Accord due to nervousness.
He couldn't decipher which feeling he was in at the moment. Was it confused? Scared. Nervous. Angry. Or emotionally downcast. Where those that ugly words came from. How did she let it roll out of her tongue so casually like that. Is she in her right senses or did she. Or perhaps, she actually needs that. He has thought of that earlier because of her reaction, maybe all that Chaos for the past week had caused a turmoil in her brain. She needs a mental check up.
That aside,
"Wh..at do you m..ean" he found himself stuttering for the first time in her life. His voice trembling, he almost couldn't recognize his voice. He tried to look directly into her eyes but she Looked away, sighting everywhere but him. Is not like she was nervous or ashamed, she promised she will never let her guard down. She had decided and there is no going back, the knot need to be cut. "Yes, you heard correctly" said mulishly. Folded her arms beneath her chest in adamant way. "Just set me free" she repeated.
"Are you in your right senses, are you okay. Just how can you uttered these scurrilous words" his voice full of angst and wrath. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I Know i went overboard, and I know I could've handled the situation better but the fear of losing you didn't let me think of anything else". Nabil apologized.
"Don't act like it isn't in your favor, both me and you know that you're yearning to hear that for long" she decided to look deeply into his eyes as if daring him to say otherwise.
She knew it was physically impossible, but she couldn’t shake the eerie sense he could see straight through her like she was made of nothing more than a thousand pieces of broken, transparent glass. "It's better it ends right here, both me and you can be free. You didn't welcome it at first, I was just a responsibility forced upon you. I'm sorry for the inconveniences I caused you" she concurred.
"Who gave you the right to say that, have I ever said so?. Are you really okay?" He questioned, his eyes were as flames burning her skin layers, so deep. He is no more scared or surprised at all but angry. His blood boiled to the highest temperature hearing her uttering those words.
"Stop looking at me as if I went insane, I'm okay. I'm damn good. I know what I'm saying" she yelled at his face. Her face was red, she looked so horrific. If she was a cartoon character, smoke could have come out of her nose and mouth.
"It didn't seem so," he said back, his eyes daring her to say otherwise. "If you really are fine these scurrilous words will never get out of your mouth. You will not even think of it in the first place" he added.
She snorts,"Why are you pretending," and chortles.
His gaze longer at the little woman In Front of him, he wanted to tug his hair out of frustration. She is really messing and he wants her to stop without going further but looking at her eyes, he knows there is no going back, she started and must end it whenever she feels like.
"Remember, you don't love me, it's always the opposite of that since I can remember, God knows for how long that. And now you feel disgusted by me, I understand you." She said and smiled sadly. "You're such a neat freak that you can't have what another man touches or probably taste right. I'm just a remainant. I know" she sniffed " it's okay. You're free. No one is forcing you anymore now" she said.
Nabil stared deeply at her, finding no sense whatsoever in her statement. All he wants to do at the moment is to knock two knuckles on her head and kiss her luscious lips vehemently until she is back to her senses. This made him frown at himself. He doesn't like where his thoughts are galloping to but there is not much he could do to stop them from rampaging his brain. Looking sideways, he scolded himself for thinking of that in a serious matter like that. He trudged forward and made sure there was nowhere she could go with the wall behind her.
What she didn't know is that, until death do them apart. There is nothing like divorce in their entanglement Whether they like it or not, love it or hate it. It's better if they love it or else there is no room for complaint.
His unwavering gaze on her came to an end.
"Who told you that I hate you or I'm disgusted by you?" he questioned with a monotonous tone. The room became so quiet that a pin drop sound could be heard. "I'm just angry at myself" he dropped what was paining him.
"I'm so angry at myself that I'm not a man enough, I'm not a good husband to take full care of my wife. I Never gave a listening ear to my wife for her to tell me what's bothering her, she never tells me her worries. I'm not a good husband" he said in a melancholic tone. His voice was nothing but real. It tells how authentic they are.
Her lips parted on their own accord, wanting to say a word but nothing went out. It took her by surprise to hear him saying such a thing. Did he really mean it? He didn't want to believe that, perhaps it was just another round of the game. She needs to stick to her plan, not going back.
But inside her, a voice was yelling at her to believe him. But no, never again.
"You don't have to push yourself anymore, you don't have to bother yourself to be a good husband anymore. You don't also need to hold that title as a husband, at least not to me." She retorted. "You've tried. Really you tried for a long time. And any single day it gets heavier and heavier on your shoulder. I'm helping you lift that burden now" she said. She almost cursed the stubborn lone tears that slipped out of her eyes. Only God knows how she gathered all the strength to talk like that. She was even surprised of herself, too talkless of him that he always sees the vulnerable side of her. He never knew this side existed in her.
"It's never out of love to start with and it didn't reach to that or maybe it was just one sided love and now, I will nurture my broken heart till it heals completely. I will heal I know." She ranted, she didn't know what she was saying, and like a trick the moment she closed her mouth the hot tears gushed down..this time she didn't bother to hide them. She let it down freely. To say she pained is least.
Her eyes were red like red chili, her nose was also red. He looked deeply at her with narrowed eyes as she broke down In Front of him. His heart pricked at that.
Out of frustration, he grabbed her and forcefully claim her lips. It was crucial and domineering at first but the moment it got deeper it became passionate and yearning. It was hot, sweat and wanting. It took her by surprise the sudden kiss but at last she reciprocated. She could be lying if she said she didn't like it. The kiss lasted until her lungs couldn't bear the lack of air, and breathing started to become shaky. She has to lie on his chest to calm her racing heart to which he patted her back to calm her. His lips unknowingly curve but it faded right away. He need made things straight with this little kitten or else she will be his end even before seeing his kids. Thinking about kids, he prayed they would never inherit that obdurate behavior of hers. If not, he will become gray trying to console them. His heart palpitates just by thinking of that.
"This is the first and the last time you'll say such kind of words or else you will face my wrath" he warned in a serious tone which shuddered her. He held her arms making her see deeply in his eyes to show her how serious he is. She shut his eyes tightly to gather all his courage. Why is it so hard? It's just the simplest and most common thing to say. Why did it take much effort from him as if letting a treasure out of his hand. After all, every word of his is a treasure to him that makes him to be more reserved. "I LOVE YOU" with great effort he let it out. His heart felt as if a heavy weight was lifted off. It got him wondering how people say that casually when actually they didn't mean it. Didn't they feel this uneasiness?
Her ears must be damage, because she didn't grabbed what he said. Or maybe she heard but she didn't want to give herself false hope. His voice was almost inaudible but she heard it since there is no sounds in the living room unless ones coming from them. Her unwavering gaze did waver, she has to asked again because she probably didn't understand what he says. Maybe he asked her if she is fine. "What did you said I did get it".
Knowing she just wanted to hear it for the second time, he decided to say once again to clear any doubt she had. "I said I love you" he repeated.
She withdrew back, stepping backwards in a calculative step. Her hands were almost trembling… almost. "You are lying" she said, shaking her head vigorously. "You didn't mean what you said. You are lying. I'm the only one who loves you and the feeling can't be reciprocated because I'm just not what you want. I'm not enough and I will never be. I'm not worth you" she said, not bothering that she called him a liar. What he said is out of normal at least to them. she remembers what he said that day. How is she going to agree with what he said now? He must be lying if not now then that day. Either of one he is lying to her.
She has to disagree with him.
"I love you, I love you even before I know what is the meaning of the word love. Even before I knew the word existed. What it meant or what it feels like to love someone or to be loved by someone. I love you before I know who I'm to know who you are. I love you. I Love you even before I know who we really are. I don't know what it is called but the moment I set my eyes on you, I fell helplessly IN love with you that I swore to love, protect you and care for you even if it's my last breath. At first I thought it was just a sibling thing, that all this affection I felt toward you will be the same with any of my siblings. Until Sumayya came, I learned that what I felt toward her is different and it will never be the same. Not that I don't love Sumayya but that kind of love is different. I try to deceive myself that it's just because you're my first siblings until I turned 19 when I got into a fight with a boy at school just because he held a long lingering gaze at you. I have to beat him to pulp. Since that day I decided to build walls around me, I have to step back and become the elder brother you couldn't remember. The loving and caring brother you always knew was no more. I became more fierce and wrathful, even though it pained me when ever I shouted at you or see tears brim in your eyes but I never stop, I wore a facade to hide what I actually feel." He said in a heavy regretful tone. Those words were beautiful, they were everything she needed to hear at the moment. The whole time, she was just frozen. The only thing she could do was stare into his eyes while her heart was thumping like it was seconds away from exploding. She didn't know what to say or what to feel.
"I became prone to that and as bad as it sounds. I began to enjoy tormenting you. Whenever I felt the need to console you I did the opposite of that by sprinkling salt to your wound. It took me a long time to understand what I'm doing is wrong but like a drug addict, I'm already addicted to that. And now due to my reckless action it brings us to where we are today." His confession made her cry hard. She remembered growing up, they were like buddies. They are so close that people crave for that affection between them and their siblings and just like a blink of an eye, they became like sworn enemies. She believes if they keep up as they were when they were kids, they will have to bring the matter of getting married before their parents do.
" You literally complete me in every way. You're the only person in the whole world I can imagine building my future with. You're the one I want to come home after a bad day at work. You're the one I want to wake up next to everyday for the rest of my life. You're the one I want to grow old with inshaallah. Don't ever say that again, do you have any idea how much you mean to me? You're everything I could ever ask for. You are more than enough and you deserve all the happiness this world has to offer. I love you more than words will ever be able to describe. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for making you feel that way. I know I'm such a jerk, call me anything but I can't live without you. Don't ever repeat the word divorce, not in this life, not after" he said, he is also at the bridge of breaking down, "promise that" he said.
She looked deeply in his eyes, looking for any insecurities in it so she could deny it but she found nothing but serenity. Her heart was thumping and beating nonstop as if they would give him an answer. She has no option but to nodded with a smile. "I promise" she voiced out.
What a bittersweet moment.
"I LOVE YOU" he confessed yet again. He hugged her tightly in his arms as if when he lessened abit she could slip out of his reach. But she didn't say it back even though her lips were tempting to say back. He was eager to hear her say it too but after 90sec he knows she is not going to say it back.
Things will fall gradually, he said to himself, assuringly. But he will never let her go, not that he ever did, or In the future. Never. What a serendipitous surrender. He nuzzles deeply in her warmth, perceiving all her scent which was so calm and relaxing. It makes him want more. He left a feather kiss on her neck which made her feel goosebumps all over her, the butterflies on the whole zoo in her stomach erupted. She shuddered in his arms.
*********
I promise I didn't blushed. I promise.
Hey guys. Long time right?
Well, I'm sorry. I'm also tired of giving excuses. I'm back for good inshallah now.
What do you think about this chappy 🤩, and yes finally Nabil confessed 🥰💃
Who is happy as I'm.
Drop all you thoughts and rants in the comments section.
And also I'm thinking of ending the book here, what do you think 🥺🤔
Actually I wanted it to be more than this and I even draft some parts of it but going through all, I found it to be lengthy which might look boring for some.
But no, mind you. The next part of the book isn't as simple as this. Trust me it will be more chaotic than than this.
Like I said, I already drafted it longed ago but thinking of leaving it behind.
What are you thoughts please. Help 😩
Bye