In her childhood,she was like little princess.Surrounded by innumerous servants and all those luxury items that one can want.She had thousands of games to play and her own library to read. But she didn't have someone to play with .But she didn't have time to read. She had a huge mansion but there was no one there to love her. She knew how to talk and behave while carrying the aura of her High class celebraty status.
But she don't know how to blabber without caring about so called class.
There was loneliness in her childhood.
When she took first steps toward womanhood,she found herself at the threshold of ugliest way to be introduced toward that new phase. She was forced to carry a child of some stranger . The phase to carry a living soul inside one's own body can be beautiful for any woman but not for the girl who was on threshold of womanhood. The experience was horrible.The pain ,the discomfort ,the mood swings everything was horrible for her .She couldn't understand the beauty of all those things.How could she ? She was not a Woman,she was a girl. At that time She didn't considered herself as mother of that child . She just had to carry it inside her body and give birth. She was not married.She didn't have a husband.So she couldn't be a mother .The logic was simple for her .
But when she had to go away from that child , The pain ,the unbearable tightening of her heart ,the unstoppable tears ,told her that she is indeed a mother.The separation told her that the living soul which once had reside inside him is part of herself . But She was too late to realise it.
It was starting for her adolescence ,a phase that can be considered beautiful for some another girl but not for her.
She got to know that there is a term called 'IZZAT' that has no relation with her childhood definition of respect.She got to know that her so called Guardians (Parents) didn't believe that her 'IZZAT' was still with her and hence decided to sold her ,Sold her like some piece of decoration or some toy .
But she didn't allow anyone to sold her .She didn't allow to be treated like child.So she ran away. She ran away from the house of her new 'OWNER' .She ran away to enter in another mess of darkness.
She ran away toward the world of SLAVERY. Yes ,She was not more than a SLAVE for TIMNASA .A slave with potential to be a weapon . Weapon against Balveer.A beautiful yet Dangerous weapon.
Like her childhood,her teenage period was also engulfed in loneliness but with package of trauma.
So she didn't have any expectations from her adulthood.She was mentally prepared to face the worst . However she didn't know that what could be worst than that .
Despite her terrific life experiences that can snatch desire to live ,Ananya can face allegations of optimism. Yes, She is definition of optimism. When Life didn't give her any reason to smile,she learnt to smile without any particular reason .She learnt to celebrate the every normal thing like it was big occasion. Spending whole day without looking at face of Timnasa and without enduring any physical pain was the happiest moment of her life . For her Happiness is the moments when you are not in pain.
However she learnt entirely new definition of Happiness when she meet DEV JOSHI ,her Dabbu.
For the first time in her life she got to know that how it felt when someone care for you. For him it was not a big deal to give a rolls of chapati to her when she didn't eat because she was running late .It was not big deal for him to remember her favourite colour.It was not big deal for him to buy her favourite flavoured ice-cream.It was not big deal for him to do funny things to left up her sulking mood.It was not big deal for him to try to soothe her anger and say sorry to her just to talk with her
But for her it was all foreign feelings . Someone who thought her important enough to care about her choice,her taste, her smile and her anger .All those feelings were strange but in a good manner. Her definition of happiness starts Changing. Initially she didn't want to change that.But she couldn't help it .How suddenly he became part of her life yet so subtly that she couldn't recognise it.
Sometimes she thinks that why She fall for Nakabposh and not for Dabbu .Time spent with Nakabposh was negligible in comparison with that of Dabbu.
Because Nakabposh is like dream Man . Because his aura is enough for any girl to be in love with him.
It can be true for someone else but not for her.
She knows that she hadn't fallen for his charm or aura .She has fallen for his soul,soul of her Dabbu.Yet she didn't fall for Dabbu.
Why?
May be because her life experience has taught her that Loving someone is equivalent for losing someone . Losing Nakabposh was never the choice .She knew that Nakabposh can never be hers.He was someone far away from her reach. So ,She can love him and lose him too.Loosing him still remain painful but pain is something which is too loyal to her to leave.She can live with the pain .
But Losing Dabbu?
He has become a part of her life .No, He has become her life .He has become basis of her own existence . The thought of losing him was so terrifying that even her subconscious mind refused to think it . Loving him was dangerous .It was risky and she couldn't take the risk .She could live a life where she didn't love Dabbu but still Dabbu remains the centre of her existence.She could live like that but How could she live without her life? How could she live without Dabbu.It was unimaginable and she never imagined it. For her,a life without Dabbu is impossible.There would be no life if Dabbu is not in it .She just couldn't live.
But she lived .She lived a life without Dabbu.But Was she living the life? No.
Yes ,She was alive.Yes ,She was breathing, talking, eating and moving .She was doing everything except living .She couldn't leave.Life without Dabbu is not worth living .
The facade that she was carrying with herself has died today .The barrier that was stopping her agony broked today.
Three years ,
Three years.
She felt the emptiness of her life .She felt the unbearable void. She felt his absence .She was lying to everyone that she is fine .She was lying to herself that she is fine .For three years She was clinging with his memories like a drowning man clings with only available log to save his life . Countless time she kept revisiting their moments in her mind ignoring the slight pang on her heart that kept telling her that there would be no such moments anymore..
For three years ,She kept imagining her impossible life with him ignoring that it would never be possible.
For three years ,She kept talking with his photo assuming his presence ignoring the fact that he will never reply back।
For three year,She kept ignoring the memory when he left her .She kept ignoring the memory when she heard the blast and when she felt the scrambling of world.For three years ,She kept ignoring the urge to cry for her fate .She kept ignoring the urge to cry for his fate,to cry for their fate.
But Today, Sitting under a tree in the park that witnessed their innumerable memories ,She allowed herself to feel the horror of that day .She allowed herself to cry. She allowed those unwanted memories to travel in her mind. She allowed herself to leave the reality which was worst than any nightmare.
So,Sitting under the tree,their tree ,She is trembling and sobbing while tears continues to fall on her cheeks . She is feeling tired .She is exhausted from all those trauma and pain that she has bear in her life. She is drowning in the world of despair and she needed something,someone to hold her.
She suddenly felt a warm hand on her shoulder .She doesn't have courage to look back but still she did.She gingerly turns her head to look at the intruder.
".M....Mumma" Word escape from her mouth as she turns towards her mother,her mother who is looking at her with all kind of emotions in her eyes but most prominent was her love and understanding.
"Mumma .......D....Dab...Dabbu" She tried to speak but her voice choked due to uncontrollable tears.
There was silence and only her uncontrollable sobs can be heard.
When everyone was busy in expressing their own overwhelming emotions by unexpected events of morning,Devaki ,who herself overwhelmed by her own happiness, can very understand her daughter's situation.When Ananya silently left the hall , Devaki knows that her daughter needed some time.Some time to gather herself .She also knew that her daughter needed her .
That's why when everyone was busy in their own world ,She is here, for her daughter , providing her the warmth and comfort of a mother ,and is crying with her .
"Meri ....Hatho ki mehandi bhi nhi ...... hathi thi Mumma" Ananya speaks as she looks at her mother." Uska ....Naam .....Yaha ..Yaha...Yaha likha tha..." She speaks pointing at her palm and rubbing at the place where his name was written.
"Shaadi ke kuch mahino tak ....Kuch mahino tak chudi nhi utarte na? Mumma" She asked innocently and Devaki nodded miserably. It is difficult to look for her to look at her daughter like this .
"Maine tor di" Ananya whispers slowly looking at empty arms." Maine tor di Mumma ..." She speak more loudly with panick in her voice .
"Mangalsutra to kabhi nhi utarte na ? Aur Sindoor wo to.... humesha.....".She looks at her mother with questionable eyes as if she doesn't know the answer.
"Mera Mangalsutra....Mera Sindoor....." She touches her neck and her hairline as if she is hoping to find it there.
"Mummmaaa" She cried loudly grabbing her mothers hand tightly while placing her head on her chest."Mera Sindoor.....Mera......" She cried as it is all happening now Devaki couldn't do anything except feeling helpless .She keep stroking her back silently while tears continue to flow through her own eyes.
"Mujhe kaise pta nhi chala ..." Ananya speaks while looking back at her mother ."Mujhe to humesha pta chal jata tha ...." She looks at her mother's eyes seeking for answer like a small child.
"Uske hone ka ehsaas ho jata hai mujhe Mumma . Humesha....Yaha ..Yaha feel hota hai kuch..." She speaks as point at the left side of her chest ." Sach me ho jata hai ." She added .
"Kanpur me bhi hua tha ..." She said looking at Devaki but still looking far away from her ,like looking at that Day." Wo samne tha mere ....mujhe dekh raha tha ...jaise mujhe janta hi nhi hai.......Mai usse kehna chahti thi ...Usse batana chahti thi ..... per maine nhi bola kuch...maine kuch mhi kaha." She speaks softly.
"Because mujhe sure hona tha...." Her voice cracked down." Mujhe proof chahiye tha..." She speaks angrily.The anger that was directed toward herself."Wo mere samne tha aur mujhe proof chahiye tha..." She is angry on herself for her not believing her own instinct.
But How could she ? She was raised in a manner that didn't allow herself to blindly follow her instinct. Even after all these time,She couldn't believe anything with closed eyes.She needed to make sure that He is her Dabbu. She couldn't allow herself to feel anything for a person who is not Dabbu.
"mujhe pta tha phir bhi ... Sab kehte the ki Dabbu....mar......".She paused as fresh tears fall on her cheeks." Mai chup chap sun leti thi .Mai...kaise ...aaisa kar sakti hu .." She said with self loathing.
"Agar mai nhi manti ki wo body Dabbu ki hai ..Agar mai nhi manti to ..mai usse dhund leti na ...Wo..........sab meri galti hai .. Sab meri galti hai" She said putting her palm on her face .People speaks that time can heal every wound .They speak lie .It is a lie .Her wounds are still fresh.It would remain fresh whether it would be three years or thirty years .It didn't matter.
"Nhi beta" Devaki speaks putting her full love in her words while holding Ananya' s .She cupped her cheeks lovingly and wipes her tears ." Tumhari Galti nhi thi"
"Nhi Mumma ,thi .Agar mai jaan jati...Agar Mai usse dhundne jati... Ya phir agar Mai usse pyar hi na karti to ...." Speaks Ananya." Kyuki jise bhi mai pyar karti hu wo mujhe chhor kar chala jata hai " She speaks as matter of fact with her uncontrollable sobs.
Devaki wanted to argue that but she knows it will lead her to put some another counter argument . Some wound leaves a scar behind it.The wound Ananya received in her different stage of her life too left a scar. She still found her incapable to be loved.
"But Dev to nhi gaya na" Speaks Devaki slowly. Her daughter is too engulfed in past that she is refusing to see the present and future .
Ananya's sobs stops abruptly. She looks at her mother blinking several times .
"Wo tumhare saath hai ,aur aage bhi rahega." Speaks Devaki with slight smile on her face."Dev ke saath tumhari ek puri zindagi intezaar kar rahi hai."
Ananya looks at her mother face for some time as if trying to process her word in her mind .There is a life,a life to live with Dabbu.
A smile,a big bright smile appears on her face while few tears rolled on her cheeks.There is a new life waiting for her.A life which is different from the previous one . Life has given them chance to live.
She doesn't know how her life is going to change.How her relation with him is going to change.She doesn't know how will their dynamic shift under the light of their marrital status.
She doesn't know anything about the married life and now she is getting chance to live it .The uncertainties and ,the possibilities are too prominent that sends shivers in her spine .
But She is looking forward to face those uncertainties.She is looking forward for their married life.
So how was the chapter?